Will I EVER get over his past?

Question

First I am not married but I am in long, serious relationship, with the talk of marriage coming up frequently. My boyfriend and I are 5 years apart in age, I am still finishing up with college, while he has a stable job etc.. We both love eachother very much but there is one "problem" and it is on my end. When I first met him, I was a virgin, and he was/is my first "real" boyfriend. Well, because of the age difference, obviously, he has been with other women before me. It bothers me a bit, but because of my lack of inexperience, I find myself very jealous of some of his ex's-for different reasons. When I get jealous, I take it out on him, which is killing our relationship. Also, sometimes I feel like its not fair that if we get married he would have been with five women while I would have only been with him. Im not against just being with him, but because of that I get VERY insecure. I feel like I'lll never be sexy enough, good in bed, etc. Any tips, advice, stories would be helpful!

Ok Don J. My stupid questions? Yeah, cause this is the first one I asked. Why dont you get back to your "older woman" question? The one where you lied...

Answer 1

Wow a lot of you are pretty hostile up here…. I mean you guys would've told Eve to dump that guy Adam and talk to the snake. Tough crowd

You sound a little bit more like a guy (in thinking) than a girl. I've heard the same line at bachelor parties. Anyway you do have a serious issue here maybe to complex to answer.

Your issue is multifaceted… on the one hand you're jealous of your boyfriend's past lovers…. sorry I used the word lovers but you need to accept that reality. Also you feel you have not explored enough to feel comfortable in the long term relationship.

About your jealousy. It seems you are more jealous of his experiences and maybe their possible expertise than anything else. It doesn't sound like he's thinking about them or even wants them. The fact that he told you about them and you probably pushed him to give details, says that he's not trying to hide anything… he's being upfront… give him a lot of credit for that.

Now I've been with some women in the past that could rock your world in bed… however they turned out to be psychopaths. So again realize your boyfriend is with you not them. These women are no longer in a relationship because they could not hold his interest the way you are. He wants to marry you and be with you forever so they should be jealous of you !

You really need to tone it down on the jealousy. Work hard to come to terms with this. This will destroy a relationship especially if you continue to escalate it into something it's not.

The other part of your issue is a bit more complicated because it involves the number of partners you have not had and you feel you are missing. You feel it's not fair that he has had more sexual experiences then you. You have to ask yourself do you want to get five guys to sleep with to fell even. (By the way my e-mail is at the bottom of the page we can reduce this to 4). What if you say you get 6 guys does this mean you're going to let him sleep with one more girl before you get married? It's not fair but then again life is never fair.

Don't get me wrong I do understand your yearning to try to be with others. You only live once. Others might teach you to do something sexually different and exciting but on the other hand they might be less capable than her future husband. The other side of this “affair” is… you go out with a gentleman that interested in your adventure, no strings attached, just sex… shake hands afterwards…. he gets in bed with you, he is hot looking, you get down to his manhood... wow that’s big…. he makes love all night long and you come five times. Now what .... you just learned that your future husband is not as skilled as you thought… but he will be with you the rest of their life.

If you do this to catch up are you going to tell your future husband? Wouldn't this now make him jealous as you are feeling? If you decide not to tell him and keep your secret that might work. But being in a few arguments with women I can assure you he might pull it out of your history bag and in the heat of an argument, say ..…”And I slept with Rambo” !

You said you’re jealous of these ex-girlfriend's for different reasons and you feel you will “never be… good in bed. I think you may be confusing the number of partners somehow equals how good they are in bed. Quantity does not equal quality.

If you want to be good in bed you need to be good in bed… it does not necessarily mean more partners. While a couple of partners might give you some new techniques, positions or STDs … it really comes down to you reading about these things, studying them, discussing fantasies and other ideas with your future husband and trying them out together. Now he may hesitate at first… and say you're just fine (guys are so stupid) but push the point. Hopefully he won't be the kind guy who says…” I'd do those kinky things with girlfriends but certainly not my wife” (Did, I say guys are stupid already).

Check out Amazon for some books on expanding your sex life. My book is on Amazon also but for god sake don't buy it just go to a secret link www.girlstellall.com/gta/pdf/ ( its not a secret anymore) put in the code 9115 and click on download the free PDF (that's the whole book). The book is filled with a lot of statistics of what people do under the covers. Other books will cover more on instructions

Mark
Author GirlsTellAll
[e-mail]

Answer 2

You WILL get over his past... when you decide to do so.

The problem that I'm seeing is that you don't feel good about yourself... that "insecurity" that you mention.

The reality is that, unless your boyfriend is making you feel "unsexy," that feeling resides within you. His being with five women has NOTHING to do with what you're feeling. You think it does... but it doesn't. If it weren't the five previous partners, it would be something else. Really.

I'd encourage you to talk with a counselor about this.

All the best to you. He sounds like a nice guy. But, you feeling not "good enough" is not a problem he can fix. Ever.

Answer 3

I am a product of my past and what I am today has a large influence on my future, therefore my past will always be a part of my future. If you can define perfection as something that cannot be changed to be made better, I have a perfect past. Hopefully, I have learned from the perfect screw-ups and the perfect mistakes I made to get here.

Answer 4

Men aren’t “supposed” to seek out advice on how to get women or ask their friends how do I get a girl. We don’t sit around analyzing each other’s relationships. Still, picking up beautiful women is a skill that anyone can learn with enough time, practice, and access to the right resources. Read here https://tr.im/gdpA4
There is a ton of stuff ( to help you get started. Sometimes the techniques go against “conventional wisdom” or what seems to work in movies and romance novels. Push yourself out of your comfort zone and try them – they DO work and they are a huge advantage over the competition.

Answer 5

If it bother you so much, then dump him.

Are you asking for a perfect man ? If so, then dump him.

Has he been faithful to you since he met you ? if no, then dump him.

You were volunteer to start this relationship. You knew what you are getting into. You have chose to stay in that relationship. Why did you stay in his past that was before you ?

If his history before you bothers you, then leave.

If you chose to continue the relationship, then accepts what happened and look toward future.

Else, go find a virgin man and marry that guy.

Answer 6

As for number of people to be with, I happen to believe that fewer is better. It is quality, not quantity, that counts in such things. Isn't being with one good person, someone who you know will always be there for you, better than being with ten different guys who treat you badly?

I can't really say anything about the jealousy part; for that it would best to see a counselor, since you say this is a serious relationship.

Answer 7

You need to just relax and revel in your femininity. If you dress well, smell good, look your best youll feel your best. That will boost your self esteem and keep him at home. Then make sure you have some sexy lingerie that makes you feel good and he enjoys seeing before intimacy. Naturally under the sheets youll do great if you just talk with him a little...and vice versa...you need to enjoy it all too. Enjoy it...he loves you and vice versa, dont overanalyze it...the past is the past, that was 5 yrs ago.

Answer 8

Girlie his past is none of your concern, what you need to realise is that out of all the women he has been with , he chose you. There is nothing you can do to change his past so why worry about it? Also worrying about your experience ( or lack thereof) is ridiculous. He obviously thinks you are sexy enough. Concentrate on making it a good relationship and make him forget the other women.

Answer 9

well i don't think your question is stupid honey , and here is one for you to think on. the girls he was with in the past had to be your age at least. they could not have been that experianced eighter. so you are comparing yourself to gals who have had as little or less experiance then you do now. go to your local book store and look for the books such as the joy of sex and books like that. this will teach you some of it. and just relax ...your Q. was fine and no one looks down on you out here. good luck....

Answer 10

OK. you need to get over it and move on. Really. The same thing happened with me and my husband. only reverse. I was with 4 other guys and I was/am his first and only. He hasn't been jealous we talk about it. and he said that at first it bothered him. but this guy loves you, so you shouldn't have a problem with any of it. He isn't going to compare you! Are you really willing to ruin your entire relationship over something that has to do with sex? who cares who he slept with.