My husband and I had a blow out fight last night..........?

Question

I am so hurt and depressed right now. He got upset at me for not dropping the subject of a conversation we were having which I only didn't because he was assuming something to be true that wasn't and I wanted to be more clear with him. He then started cussing at me and called me a b**** about 10 times and was screaming in my face to where I felt his saliva on my face, he said he was sick of my s**t, and its over b***h multiple times. He then ran into the garage and I went to see what he was doing he then slammed his hand on the hood of his truck, punched his side mirror and still yelled on top of his lungs. I then left the situation. Later that evening he said he didn't know what to say because he knows he hurt me. He said we can talk about it the next day. Well here we are going over the events of last night and he explodes on me again this time by only yelling at me. I basically have no means of any communication with him right now. I can't say anything that sounds like complaining..

But I am so hurt by how he treated me and now I am in a situation where if I say anything its almost a guarantee of another fight or him just leaving me. I take responsibility for my part in this and I even apologized. What do I do about how I feel inside without anyone to talk to? How long should I let this no communication thing go on before I give up on my marriage? I know I do things that drive him crazy but mind you its nothing on the extreme side (when I'm upset I complain or distance myself from him) I am not an angry yelling type but more of the talker to resolve things type. What do I do about how I feel inside? I am holding a lot of resentment for him right now even though I am not showing it. I feel like my heart is numb and hurt and I don't want to feel like this. He wants the happy times with me but wants to give up on me whenever I make mistakes. He has had this anger problem for a while. (he has never hit me though) Anyone with advice to help me will be welcomed. Thanks

The blow out fights we have are 8 times out of 10 small unimportant issues. What Dr. Phil said is that people argue about topics instead of arguing about the subject. Thats exactly what I feel we keep doing. It just doesn't take much to set him off. He has had this problem for at least 3 years. I just feel like its progressively getting worse. I have a 5 month old baby to worry about.

Answer 1

Maybe you two should seek couple's counseling. His anger is alarming. It could escalate into something worse. Do yourself a favor, and try to get help for this. He should not explode like that and say those hurtful things.

Answer 2

I have to agree with bic. Stop nagging him and don't keep pushing his buttons. So what's the big deal that he figured something to be true? Do you feel a need to correct him? AND, it all depends on what you two were (in the beginning) conversing about. Was it no big deal? or was it something you were being accused of? When a man sees red, do not keep going on & on. It only makes him more angry. I think he did the right thing by leaving your presence and going into the garage. The best thing a man can do when he knows his anger is getting the best of him is leave before it gets physical. You did the wrong thing by following him in there. He went away from you to try and cool off, to get away from the banter and think. As you said, you left the garage and later that evening he said he knew he hurt you. You see, he had time to think. Too bad the next day it started all over again. It seems to me a challenge of proving who's right and who's wrong.

Answer 3

You have given a very clear picture of not only the situation but also both your characters and believe me none of you are bad persons or a bad couple. You two are going through very rough times now, with the baby just 5 months old. Take my word for it your situation will improve. Here are a few things you have to take into account now:

1. If you and your husband really had a bad relationship he would have hit you by now.

2. He respects you a lot but he is not capable to get the love and respect he is expecting to get from you because of his own drawbacks. He knows you are very correct in the topics that you have been fighting over, but unfortunately he did not want you to be the smart one (the reason for his constant anger and his letting out his anger on his truck).

3. So, the solution for you now is to be confident about your own capabilities and show him a lot of love and sympathy (some husbands are unfortunately less intelligent than their wives). Be cool and be on your own, do your staff (whatever) and try to avoid arguments with him (because this is what gets it started).

Believe me, I would save the marriage like the one you have now.

Answer 4

I do not know what the subject of the conversation is but it sounds like he has made his mind up and is very immature. There is very little you can do to change it. The fact that he started cussing at you and screaming in your face is extremely unhealthy. Punching the truck is even worse. Hope the punches will never transfer to you. That is what he wanted to do. You might need to seek marriage counseling.

I think the fact that he wanted to wait until the next day is alarming, as well. I believe in the not going to bed angry with each other. This matter will never be resolved unless he can sit down with you and discuss it as adults.

Answer 5

Is this the first time that this has happened?Because from the sound of it, I think Many things, maybe even little things have irritated him(and maybe you as well) that have been piling up until it has reached to this stage of both of you blowing up.
Communication problem is a serious and often neglected problem between couples that has led to many unnecessary separations.
Why don't you seek counselling, you both seem to be willing to work it out but maybe need a guide who could guide you in communicating better with each other better and also to point out what exactly is the problem and hwere it started.You'd be surprised how many things are connected and how we unconsciously carry these things with an automatic adding machine until it just explodes.

Answer 6

Take a deep breath and leave this situation alone for a couple of days. You need to take some time to replay it all in your head and to really figure out what you want to say to him. He is obviously feeling attacked in some way and trying to defend himself and hurting you in the process. Take a couple days, it will help you to determine what you want to say and give him the time he needs to cool off. If he explodes like this on you again I would let it be known that you wont tolerate being talked to that way and if he continues to talk to you that way then your leaving. Angry or not there are ways in which to deal with people. Would be talk to his mother that way? his boss? I dont think so, because he knows it isnt right!

Answer 7

first, i don't know if this type of behavior has been happening long or if it had just started, but if it's a normal occurrence then you you need to get out of the house before he starts to physically hurt you.

if it has just started, then you should really see a counselor, either together or alone. this could help you guys get to the bottom of the issue. it this is something that has just started, then he needs to see a doctor and/or psychiatrist to see if there could be a medical issue that's resulting in his sudden change in temperament.

it sounds like you do love him, or else you wouldn't be so hurt and depressed, but while your marriage is very important, your well being is even more so. if you ever feel in danger then get out. it doesn't mean that you're ending it just that you recognize and need him to recognize that something needs to change.

good luck with everything. try to keep your chin up.

Answer 8

first of all when you both feel a conversation is starting to get "heated" you both need to walk away for awhile then come together and be adults marriage is about love & respect even when a serious conversation takes place, you both need to learn to stop sweating the small stuff life is too short and too many marriages end because they cannot accept one anothers opinons, feelings ect dont be selfish support each other no matter what happens you cannot be civil minded when things get heated, you will only end up saying things you dont mean out of anger, then you later regret it then its another situation you have to deal with, so be cool and stop being so petty with one another.

Answer 9

need to know more of what it was about but. let me tell you tho my wife and i have been married 21 years 7 kids and 18 grand kids .we been threw it all . but when you have love between two that is all you really need to be a happy couple and get threw things right now i think that dropping the issue and talking of the good times you've had together will continue your life and love forever.

Answer 10

ok wow ... my bf does the comparable element..while he gets mad and starts off performing like a jerk, he says its my fault for making him act that way.. i dont even wanna get into how fake the fact is ..yet next time hes being propose - - dont enable him..only walk away..mmaybe you will have advised him u spent sixty seven money on something which substitute right into a ask your self... i thikn u made a mistake of apologizxing to him..while u say sorry it exhibits him that ur taking finished resposibility...and subsequently it's going to human nature for him to take advantage of it out for what its worth..dont difficulty approximately it ..and only supply it some days and dont be extra suitable effective or extra suitable propose .,and DONT take the propose issues he says heavily ..and im beneficial he will come around the bigger venture sounds such as you adult adult males have subjects in mattress...you should debate that did he say he substitute into mad you spent money or mad that u didnt tell him as that messes up his balancing ...if hes mad that u spent money on underclothes then you definately've a precise to be a lil insulted, yet while hes mad cuz u didnt tell him..nicely, i dont blame him you will have tol him u spent moeny yet u wont tell him on what cuz its a ask your self