Threesomes in marriage....to do or not to do?

Question

OK we have been married for almost 10 years....this is a fantasy of mine, as well as my husbands.......we have someone in mind that is more interested in me than him ( he let me pursue so I would feel less threatened).....we are very happy together and trust each other completely, so I know he wouldnt pursue this with her alone, as I wouldnt either....he has also said that if after one time I find out its not something I like its ok, and he wont ever pressure me again.....I also asked him the same, what if I wanted another man with us, and he said that it would only be fair.....

I would like some imput on this, before anything happens...

ok...to say we arent committed....we have been married almost ten years...got married me at 19 and him at 20, and neither of us have EVER cheated.....how many people here can say that? I dont believe its cheating if BOTH of us are there and are telling the absolute truth....all our cards are on the table.....nobody is hiding anything.....how many marriages are there that someone is hiding something, an affair, a one night stand, an emotional affair.......we arent hiding anything. We are so close that we couldnt keep a secret from each other if we tried( lol) He is my best friend... that means more to me than anything....He is absolutely not a jealous person....I have about a 1 % jealous bone....we were each others first real sexual relationship...If we are going to be curious about what else is out there, might as well do it together honestly instead of lying.....???

Answer 1

This type of decision is something you can't take back after its done. Once you decide to do it, and go thru with it, the damage is done, per se. Can't take it back if insecurity or jealousy rears its ugly head. I have been thru this myself, so I know about the feelings. You both have to make sure that you truly trust each other 100% and have to resolve to never let any of this get between the two of you, otherwise it will destroy the most secure and loving of marriages. This choice has nothing to do with a weak marriage, no matter what anyone says here. 2 committed adults can do whatever they choose with thier marriage.....

If you have a single doubt, or if he has one, DON'T DO IT!! The smallest doubt becomes huge after something like this.

If you want to do it, go for it!! Once you get the ground rules set down, it can be fun for both of you, especially if you both can learn to be sexually open with each other, keeps things interesting......

Answer 2

You are absolutely on the right track that you are investigating and exploring your fantasies together. THAT IS COMMITMENT. Those that say you shouldn't do it are saying that because THEY wouldn't do it and therefore think nobody should. It's the "it's not right for me so it shouldn't be for anyone else either." Closed-mindedness and fear of anyone that thinks or lives differently than they do. Swinging isn't right for everybody, but then again neither is skydiving, bungee jumping, racecar driving, or golf for that matter. Yet, I wouldn't tell anyone they shouldn't do those because I don't or wouldn't.

My wife and I have been swinging with couples and singles for several years now. We had a great, committed relationship before (that is why we could do it), and it is even better and more committed today. We knew that we both had fantasies and some of them require more than two people to fulfill (open, unjudgemental communication). We also both knew that for us and many others, love and sex are two different things. Just because we have sex with someone else, and enjoy it, we aren't going to fall in love and run away with them.

Some don't or can't seperate the two. That is okay, that's the way they are. They should just accept that that is not the way we are, though, and not be judgemental about it. I'm not saying their lifestyle is wrong, they shouldn't say ours is.

I can tell you from personal experience that those we know in the Lifestyle are the most committed people we know. They are all like teenagers in love with each other and they show nothing but the most intense respect for one another. Moreso than many non-swinger couples.

Swinging levels the playing field in a relationship. Both partners are equal in the relationship or swinging doesn't work. There is no one person controlling the other. On the whole, I'd say swinger couples have more healthy relationships than many non-swingers. In fact, the divorce rate amongst swingers is less than a third of the national average. It's not the sex with others, it's the communication between husband and wife. Only the 10% most happiest non-swinger marriages know what I am talking about.

Check out The Swingers Board. It is a great discussion forum about all aspects of swinging by newbies and veterans alike. You'll find allot of good, accurate information there.

Have fun on your journey. You're about to start something wonderful together.

Answer 3

You stated that this woman is more interested in you than him. So probably, he will be more or less left out. Maybe him "watching" will be enough but I am not so certain. The fact that you and he are considering this indicates that you are both not committed to the marriage. But then again, there are couples who swing and actually do have satisfactory marriages. It really depends on the both of you. I am not here to judge either way but of you do this thing then make damn sure that you both will feel ok afterwards. I specify him because it sounds like this other woman is not into him and is just looking for an excuse to have a lesbian fling with you.

Answer 4

It sounds like you two have talked this over pretty well. Have you looked into jealousy issues? I've been told that is the killer when a couple pulls another into the bedroom. Considering what you have said in your post, I think you two are in a good position to experiment. How does the 3rd person feel about this arrangement? Are they a family friend? Or just a play mate? What is there roll in your life?

I have a few links to give about non-monogamy. Specifically is the one on jealousy. I have not participated in this lifestyle, however I did research it.

Answer 5

Fantisies envolving other people into a marriage
especially in bed is a very dangerous adventure.
The feelings u have now may not be the same
once u are in the fantasy, sure u say u accept,
to go ahead but why risk ur marriage for a fan-
tasy. Create ur fantasies amongst urselves with
no-one else involved and you will actually enjoy
it much better as it will be pure. Think before u
Act.

Answer 6

If your marriage is...
(1) strong
(2) open
(3) trusting
and you both have talked about it, you both want it then go for it. It is great. Just make for 100% sure you marriage can handle it before you pursue it.

Answer 7

Sounds like you already made up your mind. You just need to know that your feeling is ok. I am guessing that the 3rd person would be another woman..what if your husband wanted another man for the 3rd person? Where does it stop?

Answer 8

well --------sounds like you really want to do it..... both of you...it is really nice to have that kind of communication with your husband and i just can't complement you enough for making his dream come true,what you are about to do is every man's fantasy even though some men would not admit to it...but be careful i had two friends who did this and they had being married for 20 yrs and it ended their marriage...i wish you all good luck take care and enjoy it...one day i will do the same and i will enjoy every minute of it..

Answer 9

Well, there are many couples who have "open" marriages. Guess your one of them.

IF it's both of you who want this, or agree to allow this in your marriage, I guess do it then.

Not all couples could. BUT you seem to be one that can handle the shareing of others sex and bodies.

Answer 10

I say go for it......especially if ur both interested and can trust each other. communication is the key to marriage and it sounds like you both have thoroughly discussed it and ur ready to indulge. leave jealousy at the door and enjoy urselves.