Does the character of a man actually matter to a woman?

Question

I'm looking for serious answers here. Nothing along the lines of "duh" or "of course".

I'm just wondering, because I haven't been able to find a woman who thinks that it's important for a man to live his life with integrity. Most women that I know think that it's great when a man is unfaithful, lazy, verbally abusive, and dishonest in general. They view him as being a "bad boy" who has "edge" and is a "challenge".

On the other hand, a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and devoted to his wife and children, is seen as "boring" and "too nice".

Why is this? Do these women have low self-esteem and think that they don't deserve better . . . or, do men of integrity have to start being losers in order for women to appreciate them?

I look forward to your serious and well-thought-out answers.

Answer 1

Can I please be your girlfriend? Well seriously, I was beginning to think that the only men out there with honour and integrity were blood relatives. I think its a maturity thing with women. Sometime they are looking for losers, without being aware of it. Because they want make a difference, or they have commitment issues. I guess what I'm saying is that I think woman who are wanting these kind of guy have issues.
I really believe that if you continue on the same course you will find a woman who maybe has done the loser thing, and is ready to fully appreciate you and your character.
Best wishes!
we are out there don't give up, god knows there are few nice men out there

Answer 2

Let me just say that I'm a woman who divorced a lazy, verbally abusive man. Therefore, I didn't think it was "great." I didn't marry him because he was a "bad boy" or a "challenge." He changed drastically over the years and when he turned into a jerk after 10 years of marriage, I got out.

Let me ask you a question. Are you "a man who is confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and devoted to his wife and children?" If so, what are you doing considering other women? No offense intended, just curious.

The character of a man matters more than his money or his looks. Unfortunately, most men that I have met in a social setting are interested only in "scoring." It's terribly difficult to find a responsible, decent single man. A lot of the decent men are already taken. If you are not, you are a jewel waiting to be plucked.

You must just not be meeting the right kind of women. I think the women to whom you are referring don't know what a truly decent man is and therefore settle for whatever comes their way. I don't think it has anything to do with self-esteem, I think it is simply confusion (or ignorance).

Answer 3

I think you're not looking for the right kind of woman. You are right, girls who think that stupid, mean guys are attractive just think they don't deserve more than that 'cause they don't think they,re worth it. Women whose thoughts are in the right place are looking for "confident, mentally and physically healthy, a community leader, intelligent, romantic, honest, and devoted to his wife and children" men, but those aren't easy to find nowadays! Look for a woman who believes in herself, a sophisticated one. I'm sure you'll find, just look in a different direction, and don't change!

Answer 4

Yes, a man's character actually matters. Most women won't want to be in a serious relationship with men that just look good. They have to have personality, morals, and be nice. Of course, some women date men/ hook up with them if they are hot or just want a quick fix.

Answer 5

No, don't change your approach to life., it is much more positive to have your assets, as compared to the lazy boy-men you speak of.. Bad boys lose their edge when they(GIRLS) find out how these guys end up treating them in the long run. Too Nice??? I don't think that is possible....Hang in there

Answer 6

Where are you looking for women? Sounds like you're finding a bunch of gold-digging losers.. Change your sights and you'll find something better.

Answer 7

I don't know who you know when it comes to women, but "most women" have no use for a man who is unfaithful, lazy, verbally abusive, and dishonest in general. Normal, well adjusted, women see "bad boys" as emotionally inferior.

When it comes to the guy you describe as "devoted to his wife and children", most women would not indicate any interest in such a person because most women are decent enough to behave appropriately around married men.

"Community leader", to be candid, may lose many women because there is a personality that goes with "community leader" that some women don't find too appealing. Someone who would call himself a "community leader" (and who would even think to mention it at all) may come across as wanting to be a big fish in a small pond and seeing that role as more important than others may see it. It tends to imply someone who is "all wrapped up" in either a church or else local politics, and that isn't appealing to some people. It also implies the person may be someone like a Little League coach, which makes some people wonder if there's an "issue". It can make some people think, too, that the person who is too wrapped up in the community may get their fulfillment from that, rather than from more intellectual or ambitious pursuits - so "community leader" loses points in a lot of women's eyes. Of course, if a person is active in a community and doesn't use it to define himself that would be different. Sorry. I know it sounds mean, but I'm trying to explain what women may or may not find appealing.

"Romantic" can't be calculated or planned, so if a man sees that as part of what he is that may not win him any points either. "Romantic" has to be about the relationship, not the personality. Someone who thinks that doing romantic things will win any points is seeing "being romantic" in a too-calculated way.

"Confident" is ok, as long as it isn't too confident. A little lack of confidence is also ok, as long as it isn't neurotic.

"Physically healthy" isn't always something people think about. It can just be something that is taken for granted, unless a person has cancer or some other major health issue - in which case it may be a negative (mean as this sounds). The man who offers "physically healthy" as one of his traits that should be considered by women seems as if he's presenting himself as a "specimen" rather than as a human. Women generally aren't interested in men who have a checklist about themselves, rank themselves with a lot of points for things like "physically healthy", and then expect women to be interested.

"Intelligent" is good, although that only matters to particularly intelligent women maybe. Honest is good.

There isn't a formula to what women like. They like genuine, nice, decent, and some version of whatever the particular woman finds attractive looks-wise. The traits you described are ones you seem to believe all add up to "too nice". "Nice" isn't a lifestyle or a description of all that other stuff. "Nice" is a trait in itself, and that is probably THE most important thing most normal women look for.

It is difficult to say exactly what it is that women will find attractive about a man (traits-wise). Being naturally nice and decent and being somewhat naturally modest are attractive traits. Being super-emotionally solid is too (and that is different from merely being "mentally healthy").

It is wrong to believe that most women like "bad boys". The well adjusted women (and there are a lot of them) don't. It is also wrong to assume that a decent guy is seen as boring because he is decent and has integrity. Still, it is also wrong to believe that the traits you mentioned will automatically make someone appealing to women. They just aren't enough. It is about how solid someone's personality is down to the core - not about superficial or outward stuff. A person can be a jerk but be honest. A person with a flawed personality can have integrity. A person can be selfish and still be devoted to his wife and children. A person can be a jerk but be romantic or intelligent. If women aren't attracted to the type of man you described it is because of something in his personality or appearance or emotional balance or lack of it - not because they only like "bad boys" and he's too nice and must be boring.

Believing that women aren't attracted to anyone but bad boys may be a less painful way for some men to explain why some women (or many women) don't find them appealing, but it isn't how most women really are. The man who doesn't get that there's something else about him that isn't attractive (no matter how many things he can check off on his "good traits" score card) is a man women aren't going to be too interested in because he doesn't get it! He thinks his "score card" should win him admiration, and he doesn't realize that it is about his basic and natural personality.

A man who may have more confidence than he ought to as a result of those "check list" items he can check off may find it difficult to believe that the problem isn't that women have low self-esteem or that they are attracted to borderline-personality/bad boys; and that it is, instead, something about them, themselves, that isn't appealing to women. Again, it may be nice for men to believe that the decent guy you described is "too nice" and considered "boring" (because that, again, puts the blame on women who you presume have incorrect values/preferences). Isn't it nice to believe that one is so appealing and virtuous the only possible thing someone may find negative about him would be "boring".

You may be travelling in the wrong circles or meeting women in places where women who aren't mature or well adjusted tend to go; because - with all due respect - the premise of your question is not correct.

Character matters very much to well adjusted women. It is just that personality and emotional balance matters just as much.

There - I thought it all out as well as I can and have tried to answer your question in all seriousness and candor.

Answer 8

thats nt the case..unfortunately u happen to be with the wrong types.

Answer 9

You can have one of mine, dude. I just dumped one.

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