My fiance's mom doesn't like me because I'm not white?

Question

I am asian and my fiance is white. My fiance's mom doesn't like me (cause I'm not white) and keeps comparing me to my fiance's white ex-girlfriend. She always puts me on the spot in front of people and interrogates me with questions. One time she told me that she doesn't feel comfortable that I'm dating her son and that her son needs to date "his own kind". I told my fiance what his mom told me and my fiance called his mom on the phone and they started arguing over me. He said "You can not tell me who to date. I love my fiance for what she is inside and not for the color of her skin!" and his mom was like "If you marry this woman, I'm not coming to your wedding! How dare you yell at me!" Blah Blah Blah.....
I feel like our wedding is put on hold because of this woman. If my fiance's mom doesn't come to our wedding then I know my fiance will be hurt because before he met me, him and his mom were like the best of friends. And I feel like I tore them apart or something.

Answer 1

Well tht's her problem she's not the one marrying ur fiance u are and don't feel as though she's putting ur wedding on hold. She just nervous cause her baby boy is getting married and she's using everything in the book to make u feel bad. For future reference watch Monster-In-Law. Hot Movie!

Answer 2

This sounds like something you both need to "work out" before you get married. If she is that set in her beliefs, you may not be able to change her mind. The two of you are going to have to decide how much that matters, and if you can live with it.

You may be marrying "him" and not his family, but don't let anyone tell you that "family" doesn't matter or that it isn't going to "impact" your marriage. It does and it will, especially when you have children. It would be a wonderful world if everyone could accept people for who they are and not what color their skin is, but some people never will.

My husband's family are from Sicily and I'm Irish. They were extremely "unhappy" that he didn't marry another "Italian" (and his first wife wasn't Italian either)! We have been together for 34 years and are very happy.

However, I can tell you there were times (when we were younger), when his family made my life absolutely "miserable". It didn't seem to matter what he said or did, they never liked me or treated me with any respect. My husband often told me that if my family had ever treated him the way his treated me, he would have left me.

Inevitably, we decided to move away, and we had little to do with his family. They may not have "destroyed" our marriage, but they certainly made it "unpleasant" anytime I had to be around them.

This is a tough decision and I wish you both the best of luck. I honestly don't know if I would do it again. If I hadn't loved my husband so much, it would have been much "easier" to just walk away! Good luck.

Answer 3

This sounds like my Parents story My mom is Vietnamese and My father is white and my father mother treated my mom the same way and my father and his mother were also best friends
(she passed away ) but anyways she did end up going to the wedding and she welcome my mother to the family in time his mother will come around for if she really loves her son she will put her differences aside and you are not at fault that his mother is too ignorant to see what she is doing is tearing her son apart he loves you and that all that is matter my parents have been married for 37 yrs and have been together for 40 so cheer up it will work out !!

Answer 4

I personally believe you did the right thing. Your fiance' should have went about it differently. Now that it's out in the open reinvite soon to be mom inlaw, let him know. Don't let this stop your wedding. It's not your fault it's hers. Next time, if she says something about you infront of others that is negative, Be the better person and walk away with your head up and go to your man and lay a big kiss on him.

Answer 5

Maybe change the way your dealing with her. You can't change other people's behavior, only your own and the way you react to them. If she starts comparing your to ex-girlfriends, agree with her and say they were probably far better.

Same thing with the dating "his own kind" comment. Agree with this also and tell her she must tell this to her son, because it is he that has the problem.

Tell her, wow, this is just like court tv and I the defendant? Don't' fight with her, be more clever than her without arguing. Don't put your husband in the middle. That's his mother. Special bond. Take my word for it.

Laugh at her silliness because that is what racism and prejudice is. Also, remember your own prejudices and you will be more understanding. You don't have to be a doormat, nor do you have to be combative. Laugh at her anger, her craziness, her racism. Not a derisive laugh, but a genuine laugh, without anger or retaliation.

Answer 6

she is a shallow woman and count yourself fortunate to have your fiance stand up for you.However even if you end up married without his troubled mom showing up at the wedding, all you need is true love that sees no colour and his mom can hang herself.Your fiance needs to be happy and it sounds like he is happy with you,on the other hand his mom obviously doesn't care much about his happiness since it appears as though he is just a conceited racist who wouldn't mind having a miserable son stuck to any white girl.

Answer 7

OMG...how sad is this. Okay look.....not everybody is going to like you. So what? This is my advice: tell your fiance you love him too much to continue to tell him every little detail about his mother because it upsets him. This will serve 2 purposes: first, he'll appreciate it and second, you will no longer be putting him in a position where he may feel like he has to defend his mother. Then tell him the future is about you and him. Nobody else. Go.....get married. Life is too short for such nonsencse. Be happy.

Answer 8

I think that your prospective mother in law is a bigot, but fortunately you are going to marry his son. So if she do not come to your wedding it will be her loss.
Although interracial relationships were far more common in 2002 noting that the fact that many young adults' transition to marriage is also a factor in the age decline. The rate of interracial marriage, however, is still relatively uncommon: in 2002, only 2.9 percent of all marriages were interracial, according to the U.S. Bureau of the Census.
In a 2003 study, Joyner had reported that adolescents in interracial romances were significantly less willing to reveal their relationship to family and close friends than those in same-race relationships, suggesting that such relationships still do not receive whole-hearted approval by society.
Lets hope though that she will change her mind when she finally meets you.

Answer 9

This is your wedding and you love do not let someone come between that it appears your finace love's you alot so I would just tell his mom that she is a negative old bag and we do not wan't her to come to our wedding. Really this is your day to shine and
family shouldn't have the right to ruin the special occasion. God Bless and Good Luck. Remember your not the first women to not get along with the in-laws it's very common.

Answer 10

I know it's gonna be tough but i think his mother would probably have something to say about anybody that he dates. This was just something that gave her a good excuse. What matters is how your fiance feels anyway because more than likely the mom thought anybody wasn't good enough for him.