I am very worried abouy my boyfriend?

Question

I am looking for some advice. I am 22, female, and live very happily with my boyfriend, 21,. He owns and opperates several import and export businesses with his father. We live very well and have a hugh family and lots of friends. My boyfriend works very hard and is always extremly busy with clients and meetings ect.

Recently I have discovered that my boyfriend is on a very high medication of stress and depression relief tablets.I honestly did not know there was a problem. Every time I mention it he refuses to talk about it and it causes a row.

Answer 1

So, he's got a secret! That's problem number one with your relationship -- he's keeping a very important secret from you. He's not keeping it to protect you, but rather because he's too insecure with himself and the relationship. Secrets are poison in relationships. The real issue here isn't his meds, but rather his secret-keeping.

Second, boyfriend needs to examine some ways to live healthy. You didn't say that he was exercising, and I'm betting he's not. You didn't say he's got a hobby, and I bet he has none aside from being with you. I figure he's working 80 hours a week in a high-stress situation, and abusing the one employee that makes it all work -- himself!

Sadly, he's got "young man immortal syndrome". He figures that the healthy living rules doesn't apply to him. Either he's to strong and good, or the rules just don't understand him. He also has a case of "young adult I know everything" syndrome, which on one hand makes him refuse any advice, but gives him severe self-doubts as to his abilities.

You can't save him. He's gonna crash. He will learn out of his pain. If you choose to be with him, you're gonna be there to be part of the crash.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about what you and your boyfriend are going through. Here is what I would suggest (this is from my own personal experience with my bf).

Read some literature on men's depression. Men tend to handle depression differently then women and they also tend to get depressed over very different things. The things that I read that were helpful were that women tend to identify themselves by their relationships but men tend to identify themselves by their careers. So if something is up in that aspect of his life it can lead him to be depressed.

The second thing I have learned is that men do not find talking about depression very easy. Mine had the same reaction as yours. It is an off-limits subject and has caused some arguments.

The only thing I can say is to be there for him- and let him know you are there for him and aren't going anywhere. But somehow you also need to get across that while you don't need to talk about it everyday, not being able to talk about it at all makes it a much bigger deal than it has to be. Maybe ask him to try and reverse roles and if he knew that you were going through a hard time how would he feel if you shut that part of your life completely off from him.

Do lots of reading and hang in there. If it really begins to become a problem in your relationship and he is never able to let you in at all, you might want to set a time limit for yourself and decide you need to leave after that to protect yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 3

in case you 2 were jointly see you later as you assert you've been then verbal substitute should not be an situation notwithstanding it sounds like it really is a huge one... you want to sit down down and communicate yet possibly you shouldn't do it interior the widely used trend... possibly you should attempt a "chatter field"... Get your self an previous shoe field and a pair of gadgets of paper (one colour for him and one colour for you)... once you've something you should want to communicate with the different about you are able to write it down and positioned it interior the field then leave it for the different human being to ascertain at their leisure... it really is a nonconfrontational way of "speaking" and it really is lots extra accessible for some men who experience like we women again them into corners when we are trying to communicate with them... If he's on antidepressants it really is a huge ego aspect for a guy... help him, nurture him, and implement that you're there in a favorable mild rather of exclaiming "Honey i got here upon those pills is something incorrect?" possibly he's having a tricky time with each thing that is going on and fairly frankly if he's no longer speaking then there is lots you're literally not being advised... undergo with him yet attempt to get him to communicate some way... A spiral workstation also works... you are able to write down what's on your concepts, hand it to him and ask him to ascertain, and need he replies... that's no longer confrontational and he can take his personal time and be certain out the thanks to reply to you in his personal way... do exactly not crowd him yet do attempt to open the verbal substitute...

Answer 4

Well, if he has medications then he's already getting help. Take comfort in that at least. Generally when people are seeing a psychiatrist for their meds, they're also seeing a psychologist to speak with. Men tend to think they're flawed or less man like when they have something come at them that they can't handle and have to take medications to help with. Don't push him about his problems, but reaffirm that you love him and you're there for him if he ever does want to talk.

Answer 5

first of all you shouldn't ask him questions since he is not ready to talk about it. You should let HIM come to you when he feels like it. And since he allready takes those pills means that he is seeing a psychologist. So be patient that what you should do.

Answer 6

he is probably under stress because of the work. but if the medicine is from a doctor, it souldn't be a problm. just try to find that out

Answer 7

If he is keeping secrets what are you doing there anyway. He obviously is uncomfortable talking about his "stuff"...do you want to marry someone who shuts you out???