My mother in law and sister in law are evil. My husband and I fight all the time about it. Any advice?

Answer 1

There are two things I know for a fact, without ever having met you or your husband or his family...and those two things are:

1. His family is not going to change, in fact, they may very well get worse, and

2. If you ask/cajole/beg/fight with your husband over this issue, in effect, making him take sides, it is highly likely that YOU will lose.

This is why you are fighting about it all the time. He loves you, but, he loves them, too. He probably hates the way they are, but, he's not going to change them, and he knows it, and you are basically leaning on him to try to change them. Not gonna happen. The more you lean on him about this, the more he is going to resent you for putting him in an impossible position. The more he resents you, the more you fight. It is a vicious cycle. The good news is - YOU have the power here! Not to change his idiot family, THAT will never happen. The power you have is the power to save your marriage (I am assuming you want to save your maariage). There is only one way to do this - and it's a biggie:

SHUT UP.

That's right. Shut up. You cannot change your inlaws. Don't waste another one of your precious breaths on this planet even trying. They will always suck. Even during the holidays, they will suck. You SHOULD NOT expect your husband to take sides. It's just unfair and unreasonable. You can only control your OWN behavior. Avoid his family at all costs. Unless you are living under the same roof with them (and for your sake, I hope this is not the case), this shouldn't be too hard to do. Screen your calls. If it's them - don't answer the phone. If they're coming over? Go elsewhere until they are gone. If they invite the two of you over to their houses? Say you will think about it but make other plans. Sweetly tell your husband that he can go without you, and have a good time - and mean it. There is no law that says you have to interact with these people. But I'm telling you, if you want to prevent further fighting with your husband on the issue of his family? Ya gotta bite your tongue. YOU CAN'T WIN THIS ONE.

I will almost guarentee you that the LESS you say about this to your husband, the MORE he will appreciate you (for being the tolerant saint that you are), and the LESS you will be fighting. So far as Thanksgiving is concerned, spend the day volunteering at an area soup kitchen. It will be good for your soul, give you the "out" you need, and make everyone else take a good look at their own pettiness.

Answer 2

I had the same thing happen but only the mother in law and brother in law were evil. They always did things to make my husband and I fight and told me when they were going to see my children and would pick them up without asking me. Just coming over invading my privacy with my children and husband. Now, my husband and I are divorced and They never see the kids. I am married again to a wonderful man who has a wonderful mom and dad and 3 siblings that I get along with beautifully. I tried to make it work with the first husbands family but they were too wicked. They would be nice and talk crap behind my back. U literally did not have to do anything wrong they were just like that by nature. Just try to make it work. U never know maybe u will have better luck than I did. Kick your mother in laws a**. Tell her she isnt allowed around if she cant respect u.

Answer 3

A boyfriend and I actually broke up because of a VERY similar situation. Anything I did she found something negative in and loved to talk about it. She has 17 kids YES 17. And she'd always talk about me to her daughters and then her daughters would of course just believe everything and I would be the bad guy. The difference is that she would never ever say anything to my face. She would just talk sh*t constantly and my boyfriend even stayed with me and my family for a couple days to get away from her. The thing that hurt the most is that my mom had an affair when I was really little, and I had guy friends in High school, she assumed I had to be cheating on my boyfriend and one day she made the comment "Heather's mom had an affair, what makes you think she's any different" Just so irrelevent and rude. I'd say thank your husband for his support and go do something fun, laid back together to unravel a little, a nice walk at a park, fishing, a massage, anything like that. And just try and stay away from her. She as NO right to treat you like sh*it!

Answer 4

When I first saw your posting, I was afraid I had typed this and forgot. I really know how you feel. It is so aweful to not be able to do anything to find favor in the mother in law. It is even worse when the sister in law steals from you and accuses you of doing things you knew nothing about. I am really sorry. I have to avoid mine. Of course it makes them mad, they think I am keeping the family away, but my family can go anytime, just not with me. I can not say things anything that will help your relationship, but I do wish for you the best. If you love your husband then make sure you two stick together. Good luck sister.

Answer 5

No one thinks their child or sibling marries someone deserving of them, that's human nature. Especially in this case when they feel like an "intruder" has stolen their son/brother away from them (I don't know why it doesn't apply to daughters or I just never observed it, it's like the old saying "Your daughter is your daughter the rest of your life, your son is your son until he takes a wife.") So the hostility is natural. HOWEVER it's "family first" and that "family" is a man and a woman, you and your husband, when you have sons and they grow up and marry, then it's your turn to be the evil mother-in-law. This is why it's always good to live at least a two hour drive away from your parents.

Answer 6

When you married him you also married the family and that's something you should have known. My In-Laws are not the greatest either but I avoid any confrontation with them and I do not harp on my husband about it. Agree to disagree! If you keep fighting with him about it it will come between the both of you. You are putting a lot of pressure on him and he probably feels that you are trying to make him decide between you and his family. Do your best to get a long because you did marry the family too and we all know it for better or worse. Don't give up yourself either. Your husband also married you for you but ultimately you knew this before you married him.

Answer 7

When this happens it at times best to put some distance between you and the in-laws. Tell your husband that it's you or his family. It's common when two people get married that
family becomes a distant second tell him you need to work on the marriage and that means for now that sis and mom are going to have to stay out of our lives for the time being and that until things are resolved between you and him you don't wan't to see them or even communicate with them that means him to.

You must relay that right now you need a break from relatives because your marriage is seriously on the rock's and that is priority.

Answer 8

Bless your heart, but you have got to figure out a way to bring peace to the family. It may be a good idea to move away from the family if they are too close. I personally would leave him, but that is me, not you. You have to do what is right for you, your husband, and children if you have them. Your husband also has a responsibility to you to bring peace about, so don't let him off the hook either.

Answer 9

I thought I was the only one, what has worked for me is that I don't say nothing about them to my husband,I don't go around either, If I have to go around them I speak and be myself and just don't get caught up in all of their drama, cause no matter what you do, it will be your fault...I tell my husband don't talk about our business to them don't let them know anything, I don't keep him from visiting cause that is his family, really prayer and my relationship with the Lord has kept me, in the beginning I was trying to get their approval, but I realized that I would never get it, I married my husband not them so I formed a stronger relationship with my husband and I don't let them try to get in our business, the less they know the better off you are...But he has to not bad mouth you to them also, cause it starts with him and he has to stand up and be man, it's not your fight, it's his...All they want is control of him, he is not theirs anymore, he's your husband so any power they have has been nipped....feel me...I hope this helps and if they call, just speak, say hi, and give him the phone, the more power you give them, the more they will take.....Pray!!!

Answer 10

Theres no way to win this one. You have made your thoughts about them nade probably severaltimes and hes just plain sick and tired of you reminding him of it. Chances are he probably agrees with you buy they are his family and nothing on Gods green earth will ever change that. Just be thankful youre married to him and not them.So to keep bringing it up to him serves no other purpose than to keep the fight going so just change the subject and all will be better,plus keep your opinions of his family to yourself and good luck