How can I make my husband respect our belongings?

Question

My husband doesn't pick up after himself, he doesn't clean, he puts his feet on our furniture. He actually put a cigarette burn in our brand new couch the other day and didn't even care! His only real "job" in this household is to take out the trash, and as I sit here there are 3 bags of trash sitting on my back porch waiting to be taken to the dumpster. So, men, what can I do to get him to take more responsibilty for the things that we've spent our hard earned money on? (and don't give me any "have sex" with him answers, we're married we already do that, okay.)

I should mention, that I clean and pick up after him constantley. Then, two minutes later it's a disaster area. I just want him to HELP a little.

I've tried the going on strike thing before. But I'm a total clean freak so that only lasted for about one day. LOL

Yep, Pops, I do blame it all on his mother. She totally screwed up his aspects on cleaning and finances. Atleast I know now what NOT to do with my son. :)

Answer 1

DON'T give him sex!!! Just kidding. Wouldn't work either.

You have a problem but HIS problem is larger than yours.

No doubt it all started with his mother doing the things, for him, that you are now having to do.

I don't have an answer for you. IF you can't talk to him and explain what he is doing, he may be a hopeless case.

You might try just leaving ALL of his clothes lying where he throws them, and everything else he dumps on the floor. When it comes time to put on clean clothes, after he has to go find the "cleanest" dirty clothes a few times, he MIGHT start thinking. Altho I doubt it.

What I am saying is "fight fire with fire"......just don't fight too long.

I know some immature boys that act stupid, like that, and their wives have NEVER changed them.

Women marry boys and men with the intentions of "changing" them. WON'T HAPPEN!! How ever "mother" raised him is the way he will be.

So, I tell you this, Sweetheart.......Good luck. Pops

Answer 2

You know, women have been struggling with this problem for ages - and society (particularly TV) does what it can to help justify to the man that this sort of behavior is natural and just what men do.

The bottom line is that there is simply no way to make this person do what you want and talking about it will only cause more trouble in your home, often times. Having said that, I have found that I get good results with visualizing and intentioning. I find that people very often get what they expect - and I can't tell you how many times I have had to fight my own instincts to assume my husband is the same man my mother struggled with through most of my upbringing, because that is what I have been taught to expect in a husband (sometimes summed up as husband = useless), and it is hard to say whether my feelings or his behavior came first (though clearly i have had these feelings for much longer than I have even known my husband). At times like these I find the only thing that I can do is listen to my own mind's chatter and whenever I hear myself say "What is wrong with that man?" I stop myself and say "No, he is good - very helpful. We work well together" and in a couple of days he is a lot easier for me to get along with.

I can also recommend visualizing. Take a 3-5 minutes and just sit quietly while picturing your husband in your mind displaying the behavior you want. Really see him trip on his own socks and then pick them up or something. See him appreciating you and what you do for him. See the 2 of you together, smiling, happy and laughing. I do it a couple times a day when I have trouble with mine and it works wonders.

Peace!

Answer 3

Since you haven't talked to her about it you should. You must be very patient, I would have waited a couple of weeks then I'd be on the phone telling her to come get her things. Anyway, do what some of the other posters have said, tell her that if her things aren't picked up in 2/3 weeks, you'll be having a garage sale and/or everything will be donated to charity.

Answer 4

This lad is just use to being served. Probably momma did it before, & I fear your in for a fight. This could be hard for you to do but maybe time for some tough love. Don't pick up. Leave his mess, see how long it is for him to notice. When it gets horrible & you can't stand the mess any more invite his folks or friends over for supper & serve it amidst the mess. He is use to having an orderly house appear on a regular bases & is oblivious to how that neat house happens. Of course you know. Maybe it will stir him to ask whats the matter. Then lay it out in simple & plain language. This is how you like it. So be it.

Answer 5

i hope you get the answer, cuz my husband is the same way, and then when i give up and do nothing for a couple days just to see if he will change his habits, he turns it around and says its me.

i don't think it is possible to change someones habits who doesn't want to change, and why would he... he knows eventually you will do it for him.

and you know what?! if he is gonna not even care about burning the new couch with a smoke, then make him smoke outside, and if you are a smoker too, then i guess you should join him to prove how seriously you feel about respecting the house and home that you have made together.

Answer 6

Instead of having sex with him, don't have sex. Tell him until he gets off his *** and does **** around here, he ain't getting none.

Answer 7

tell him that you will hire a housekeeper taht he will have to pay for !

or just don't clean up after him anymore ! i know this will be hard for you , buyt a tough lesson for him !

go get'em!!

Answer 8

Go on strike.

Answer 9

learn to live with it or change your living situation

Answer 10

TELL him no sex