Why do people bully?

Question

I know its probably because they are not happy. How can you make a bully happy...or stop them bullying others? Is it an imposible task?

Answer 1

its a power trip

Answer 2

Most bullies lack self esteem, either through poor parenting where being constantly put down "....you'll never amount to anything...." is practiced and/or severe control regimes exist (overbearing constraint and lack of communication etc.) This is somewhat simplified but is true none-the-less.
All any human being wants, above all else, is to be loved/valued by others, we are born with this single need/desire and it is not surprising that it is the founding reason for the take up of most religions.
When starved of love/recognition by others an individual will seek such recognition, by substitution, in a number of ways. I have mentioned religion but another darker way is by exerting control over others. This can be quickly achieved through fear, the main objective of bullying, which gains instant recognition from the victim and then from "followers" of the bully, who follow largely so that they do not end up becoming a victim too.
It is a false self worth however that never fully satifies and therefore, like an addictive drug, bullying invariably increases over time unless halted.
Many bullies come from homes where parents express wide eyed surprise and disbelief at the discovery that their son or daughter has been accused of bullying, siting ".....we've always use strong discipline through strict behaviour...." or similar about the upbringing of their child. What they fail to realise is that the most essential part of being a good parent is to communicate with children, not just dictate, and to express love and affection and acceptance even after mistakes have been made. Strict rules and punishment may have their place in extreme circumstances but the key is always to let them know you love them even when having to discipline them.
Most bullying stems from this poor family background. The parents have to change if the bully is to change and that makes it a tough proposition. Developing self esteem is the single most important thing to achieve in the upbringing of a child. Serious behavioural issues can result if this is not so. It does ruin lives and in a great many circumstances, if you can dig deep enough, you will find that the bully was a victim at some point too. It is very much a learned behaviour as most other behaviour is too.

Answer 3

I was bullied ALOT in school, right the way through in fact, from the infants...still happens at times in college! I was bullied because I take what people say to heart and always react making me an easy target because I get upset easily. I think it generally stems from one person then others join in, it only takes one person to crack someone then everyone joins in! I think the reason people do it is because they are jealous...I was one of the more intelligent people in school especially in English when some of the people in my class couldn't spell which made them jealous, so they laughed at my weaknesses in P.E. which because I am dyspraxic I was particularly bad it. The reason bullying goes on I think is not because the bully has bad parents because that isn't always the case, I think it is because they need to show that they have power over people and that they need some form of attention. I don't think bullying is the type of thing that will ever stop but I do think that victims of bullying should be given self esteem classes and assertion classes to help them stand up for themselves without resorting to violence or shouting. Bullying is one of those sad things that will never go away but if people can help it is a step towards trying to stop it! I am now doing really well in college and hopefully will be getting a good job soon, I didn't let those bullies win and I hope other people don't either!

Answer 4

As someone who has both been bullied and bullied others, I can honestly say: it really has nothing to do with insecurity or unhappiness, although that may be a factor in some cases.

Really all it is about is the power, the feeling of superiority. You feel like the other person is 'beneath' you and it can actually feel enjoyable to push them around and gives you a little ego trip (sad to admit that).

However, when you are the one BEING bullied.. it is the total opposite. You feel worthless, inferior and it can be soul-destroying. To be honest most people doing the bullying probably have no idea just how bad the other person feels, because they themselves feel good at the time.

Answer 5

People bully for a whole variety of reasons, not being happy, problems at home or with other people, more often than not the bully is being bullied themselves! Bullying is a cause and effect problem that is complex and as different as each individual that suffers it. The only real way to tackle the problem is to first accept and understand that it is a problem and shy away from it, hoping it will go away, more often than not it wont. Secondly work out what the core of the problem is, usually it begins as a small misunderstanding that snowballs into a major problem because it was not dealt with properly in the first place. Thirdly,analyis the problem and work out how to turn "negatives" into "positives" - if your wrong accept your wrong and appologise or make ammends, if the other person is in the wrong, how can you make them realise this without them attacking you? Not an easy one this, but resolution is the key to moving on. Lastly, act positively, once the situation is dealt with, move on from it and don't go back to it. Dwelling on things that have happened that shouldn't have happened has a tendancy to recreate the problems that you have tried to resolve! Move on, leave the past in the past.

Answer 6

The fact that people think those that are bullied become bullies is wrong. Some people yes, may bully because they have been bullied. But I suffered at the hands of bullies all through my primary school days. I wear a 12 inch long scar across my abdomen because of a operation caused through bullying. I suffered with verbal abuse because of the way I liked to wear my hair (long) , and because I liked to read, and I’ve been physically abused because people thought I was weird, because I liked to keep myself to myself.

Now though, I’m in a cushy job, and earn enough money to keep my quite life happy. I have great, true friends and a loving family, and I’ve never been in trouble with the law.

I think most bullies do the things that they do, to try and big themselves up, because they themselves are probably insecure, or they could just enjoy invoking suffering on those smaller then they are. Because you’ll never see a Bully ever pick on someone bigger then they are, or hardly ever see a bully without others to fallow on behind them.

Bullies pick on outsiders and smaller people because they think they can, and it’s wrong. The sooner people decide to change the way things are run in school, and bring back caning and other forms or manual punishment, like cleaning the floors on there hands and knees. Or make them do things which they think would be humiliating, like sweeping up the playground, the sooner I think bullying will fall in schools.

Answer 7

It is not an impossible task. The belief that creating a safe and content environment for children who attempt to victimise others due to their own inadequacies is impossible, IS in itself helping to promote the helpless feelings these children face each day. Children need to be surrounded by adults who remind them that they are valued and respected. *Juvenile delinquency - and bullying is, indeed, a form of delinquency- is always rooted in adult deliquency. Parents create the world children live in and in this process, they play a key role. Parents who refuse to recognise anything that is fine or good or worthy of respect send a message to their children to do the same. *
Everytime adults believe a task is impossible, the children will believe the same. Parents must change themselves and stop blaming everyone else for their lot in life and their children will follow.
Strangely, there is a misguided belief that the person who is being bullied is being targeted because he or she is weak. This is not true. It is the very strength of the so-called "victim" that bothers the weak bully. It is the strength of not fighting back against a bully that irritates them so much. They want to know how in the world some skinny or pimply or fat or one leg too short or slightly slow classmate could be so unaffected by circumstances and able to get on with their lives when they so desperately cannot.
If you are a parent and you are smacking your children or yelling at them or telling them to "shut up", etc. You are creating a sad creature who will go out and treat others the same way.
Think about. You only have one life and once people are gone, they're gone. Treat your children with the kindness, love and respect you may have not gotten yourself growing up.

Answer 8

People almost always bully others because have been bullied themselves. Many bullies have been bullied their whole lives by one of their parents. Some children are born to a mother who was bullied by the father all through their pregnancy too (this kind of bullying is called domestic violence or domestic abuse even if it doesn't actually involve being beaten up or hit). Babies can be very susceptible to this kind of trauma in the womb and it can form a blueprint for their behaviour in later life. When that baby is born and then witnesses the father bullying its mother that reinforces that behaviour. As the child matures, he too will often be bullied also by the father - this child will undoubtedly bully himself, it would be astonishing if he didn't quite frankly.

Answer 9

I used to bully people at school. The reason I think I did this is because I was never very good at making friends and would bully the people who I most liked, as this was the only way I knew to have some form of relationship with them. I think a general feeling of rejection or inadequecy is what causes most people to bully.

Answer 10

Sometimes a bully picks on someone who has attributes they wished they possessed themselves & don't. This jealousy & inadaquacy makes them want to lash out at the person who makes them feel like that. Of course the old excuse for bullying is because someone has been bullied or abused themselves but sorry I don't always buy that one. I was bullied at school but that hasn't turned me into a bully. I have had 8 children & have loved them all. Sometimes we need to be tougher, not look for excuses for these bullies. Find out what they feel inadequate about & why they are jealous of the person they have bullied. It may be something very simple.

Answer 11

It's not true that all bullies were once bullied. But it is true that all bullies actually have a massive inferiority complex, which they try to alleviate by mistreating others. Some people can only be tall if they're cutting other people's heads off.
Verbal harrassment also is bullying.
Getting people to stop this kind of behaviour would require some kind of reprogramming...not easy. They would have to be taken out of their familiar environment into one in which NO positive reinforcement would be given for the bullying behaviour; this is a job for professionals.