Why is marriage so ruff WERE NEWLY WEDS?

Question

We have now been married a couple months.. He never showed signs of anger problems.. only thing I ever noticed minutely is that he didnt communicate with me very well.. I thought with time we would get better... As time as gone on, it just gets worse.. last time we got into an arguement.. he broke his phone in 1/2 and threw it at the wall... we didnt speak for a week till I decided to give in and be done with the fighting... now were at it again.. he has ripped the internet out of the wall because I have guy friends I speak to and always have... this morning i woke up and now there is a hole in the wal.. i have been through abuse in the past, so i know the signs etc... im just lost for words and helpless.. we are heading to both of our families in three days.. im just lost :(

Answer 1

Considering that you have only been married for "a couple months", I'd say he needs some "anger management" classes. If you were in an abusive relationship before, I'd think some "red flags" would be going off by now.

I don't know how long you dated him or knew him before you married him. Marriage is built on love, respect and communication. The fact that he never "communicated with you very well" is not a good thing.

You need to "talk" to him about what's going on. This is "very" important. If he wants to have a loving and long relationship with you, he needs to get some help. If he's unwilling to seek any outside help for his problems, I think you'd better take a long hard look at your future with him.

You are the only one who can decide if you are "willing" to stay with him. Marriage takes "two" people, he has to want to "work" on these problems also. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Emotional or physical abuse is never acceptable and no one should be living with anyone who abuses them.

Please don't allow him to continue abusing you, it will only get worse. I wish you all the best with this problem.

Answer 2

You just got married and you talk to guys on-line. I'd be pissed too. How would you feel if he was the one talking to women on-line. ("Even if they are just friends") Can he see your emails to them. Are you saying things that are sexually oriented or bad things about him,to these other men. When it comes to internet conversations, you can really create some fantasies that can ruin any real relationship. Maybe hes thinking your going start to cheat because your already on-line with other men. The mind is an incredible thing and thoughts alone, negative or positive, can control what you do. I personally would stop the chatting on-line and reassure him that you love him. A tender touch, a an open minded understanding of what he is thinking would probably help you figure out why he is angry. Look at what your doing, before judging him. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. Put yourself in his shoes and then make your decisions about what your thinking about him. Try to help him with his anger instead of making it worse by not talking. Take the family break and then get together and make love, not war.

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear that......Unfortunately it sounds like you are still a victim of abuse.I went through several abusive relationships until I realized that the problem never had lain with me or anything I had done.It was the fact that every time I found a man, I found one that saw my vulnerability and knew that I was an easy target for their anger. I changed my attitude with some help from books,friends and counselors. Now, I have pride in myself , my abilities, and my self-esteem won't let me settle for someone that doesn't see me as a valuable person. You need to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable that you will not tolerate it, and if it happens again there will only be 2 choices.Divorce or counseling for his anger management. Be firm and don't cave, if you forgive and forget after he does it again , it will only escalate to you being the one hitting the wall,instead of the phone. It will be you with the broken and damaged body. Since you are going to your family in a few days prepare them that you may be coming home again if it happens again. That way you won't find yourself with no place to go. Best of luck and write me anytime if you need a friend

Answer 4

I dated a guy off and on for three years.Each time he would do something out of anger, i would end the relationship. He would talk me into coming back.I have been married once and never had this. After the third time i ended it for good. That was the smartest thing i have ever done. I know that he has had six other relationships, that have ended the same way.They just don't change. You need to get out of this relationship while you can.
Good luck

Answer 5

I think he should get some help with his anger.And he should talk rather then to react.And you said you have guy friends you talk to?That would probably bother me as well if I was in that situation.You should be more of a best friend to him rather than talking to other guys.You and him should talk things over in a calm way about what bothers each other the most and see how you can work it out from their.I just want to know, how long were you guys going out before you got marred?

Answer 6

damn, i am so sorry to hear that........i feel your pain, been there done that and still living it to some degree.....

One thing I have learned is to either NEVER MARRY again

OR

Have a complete mental exam done by a professional of the person and a family profile done AND still have an easy walk out prenump just in case.

The headaches and heart aches and emotional stress is just not worth the dream or hope of a good relationship....

I am convinced its just not possible and if it is its not worth my peace of mind to find out.

BTW... Violet Pearl is right, a married women should not be talking to men over the internet...it is not appropriate.


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Answer 7

I'd say you're both a little too immature to get married if you thought problems would go away once you said I do. And probably didn't get any premarital counseling. Get some premarital counseling tomorrow.
PS..A married woman talking to other men over the internet is inappropriate.

Answer 8

Have you tried to sit down with him and find out what is bothering him?
How long have you known each other for. i am a newley wed as of Aug but never have I gotten into that kind of difficulty.
If this is the beggining I hate to see whats going to happen with a big argument. Maybe he is having problems with you talking to your many male friends. A man can be very uptight about things when it comes to that.

Answer 9

My husband & I even have been married for 9 months & human beings nonetheless refere to us as "newly weds", yet we in no way felt like "newly weds" becuz we lived collectively for a 12 months b4 we've been given married...i certainly dont be attentive to the respond...i'd say after 2 years, yet thats only an wager

Answer 10

I know what you mean. my husband and i have been married less then a year and we had so many bumps along the way. My advice would be to weigh out the situation and try to encourage counseling. If he won't do that then try to surround yourself with a core support group who can help you through this. But in some cases separation is something to consider, in my situation it wasn't an option and we worked through it and are celebrating our one year in 7 days! so there is hope out there. let me know if i can help any. Good luck! ~ Katie