My sons 'Annoying' habits?

Question

I am a single mum with a 11 year old son who has started to develop some strange little habits. I don't know (or want) to make a big deal out of this only advice & suggestions would be very much appriciated!
James has suddenly lost all sense of modesty since entering secondary school, and will strip off and walk around in his pants when he gets home to lounge around. He has also taken to peeing outside on virtually everything! - He's driving me nuts! he will also make all sorts of noises (from his bottom) in mine & his sisters company & constantly lies on the sofa with both hands down his pants.
Can anyone explain why he is doing this please?
Thank you for all your help & suggestions
Sam
xxx

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Answer 1

This sounds like a pretty normal pre-teen boy... He may be trying to immitate the tv stereotyped "man of the house" role since you're a single mom. This would explain all of the exagerated male behaviors. Give him time, he'll likely grow out of it. Spending time with a quality male role model may speed up the process. Do you know of any 20-28 year old men that would be willing to spend time with him to teach him what is and isn't appropriate? Also, if it's really bothering you, set some guidelines and make him follow them. You're the parent and he's the child.

Answer 2

He may feel a little lost in a house full of women. He may feel like to be a man he must be opposite the rest of you.

Some of this sounds typical. I've seen several friends young teen boys go through some of this, as well as my own. It's like right before they're going to get so modest they might get upset if you try to talk to them through a bedroom door while they are dressing, they want to show everyone their butts one last time.

peeing on everything outside seems a little wierd, and he likely does it because he knows it drives you nuts. if he peed on manmade things, i'd make him scrub those things. otherwise, i'd ignore it unless he's doing it where neighbors could see and then i'd talk to him about respect for other people.

hand in pants in front of others - totally totally out of line and inappropriate. he needs to be told emphatically that you put your hands in your pants only when you are alone (in which case you don't need your pants on!) and he needs to be required to leave the room - or everyone else should walk away - if he can't conform to this simple requirement.

hopefully, as he was growing up and you saw him touching his genitals, you told him, it feels good but is private and you must do that when you are alone and not with others. if you already gave him that message, remind him. if not, give him the message now.

Overall, i think ignoring most of this will make it go away (or reduce your stress until it goes away.) The hands in the pants - there's no problem unless he already knows this is wrong and impolite and does it anyway. Just tell him it's inappropriate behavior in public.

I would also look long and hard at how to help him grow into manhood in his feminine milleau. Not knowing anything about the involvement of his father or other male relatives, I shan't hazard a suggestion about where to start with that. But I would be looking at that as an important need.

Raising Cain and other books about parenting boys might be helpful.

-- there's always the possibility that he has been sexually molested, abused, or approached, if all this is recent and resistant to your guidance.

Answer 3

The peeing and walking around without pants on are just unnacceptable. You must tell him, that when he is around other people, he should be dressed completely. If you see him walking around without pants on, force him to put some on.

Now, with the peeing thing, I think I have a solution. Tell him, "I got a call from the police today. One of the neighbors appearently saw you outside urinating. The police were going to come, and investigate matters, here, but I told them everything was fine. If this gets reported again, you could get taken away from me, and be sent to a reform school." Even though that would be a lie, it can very easily happen. The police will think you are not a good mother, and send him away. This is a very serious matter.

About making noises from his bottom, you could tell him (right after he does it), to say "excuse me". If he refuses, after your sister leaves, punish him. If hes going to make "noises" he should at least be polite about it.

The hands down his pants. Tell him that he shouldn't do that while other people are present. If he continues to do it in public, punish him.

Answer 4

I disagree with those who say that ALL these behaviors are just his being a "normal boy"! My kid did some of those (farting, making "Poop" references, etc.,) and used to pee in the closet when he was a TODDLER (he was too lazy to miss his shows be using the toilet!).

However, your kid is reaching an age when he should be learning about what's acceptable in society and what's not, especially regarding the semi-nudity. He could possible be arrested for the public urinating! Tell him that.

Part of what he's going may be to get a rise out of you and his sisters (do they react with disgust or squeal, etc? Then he's getting attention, even if it's negative). If he won't stop it, send him to his room, so he's not getting encouragement.

He DOES need a positive male, role model to show him what's what. This stuff will soon alienate him from many of his peers as he gets older and he'll be left either alone or hanging out with other immature guys who also fart and stick their hands down their pants! I'm sure you don't want that for him.

You two should check out the film: "About a Boy", w/Hugh Grant. It deals with an anti-social kid (same age as yours), acting out because he doesn't fit in and his mother's depressed (I don't mean you are). He bonds with Grant's bachelor character and develops self-confidence.

After watching it, ask how he felt about the kid and his various quirks. Don't expect "reason" from an 11-year-old (they can't really do that 'til they're about 15), but you CAN connect with him.

Have a talk w/him, in a non-judgmental way, telling him about what is polite in society and what will happen if he doesn't respect the feelings of others. Listen carefully to whatever he has to say.

You should also set some strict rules as to what is tolerated and NOT tolerated in YOUR house (this includes your other kids)! If he won't obey, then revoke privileges (TV, stereo, video games, visits to/from friends, etc.). He should come round.

If NOT, then he needs counseling. His anti-social behavior is too juvenile to be "cute" anymore--he's not five!--and perhaps he is acting out some underlying problem, either at school or at home. Check with his teachers, to see if they've noticed anything unusual (many times, teachers won't say things to parents, for fear of a scene).

Try to find some positive, after-school activities, such as sports, music or martial arts. It's amazing what positive changes you may see once something "catches" your son's interest!

Above all, let him know you love him, without being a wimp and giving into his inappropriate behavior.

Answer 5

He is being a normal boy and is about to enter puberty. I think now is the time you and he sit down for a little chat. You need to explain to him that it is not acceptable for a boy of his age to lounge around the house in his underwear as he is older now. Tell him he was potty trained years ago and the only place to urinate is in the toilet, he's not 3 anymore. Also if the police catch him peeing outside he will be in trouble. Nip these things in the bud now before he gets older. It's your house and he must live by your rules and standards. Be firm and make sure he knows it's unacceptable.

Answer 6

My son used to do and still does some of the same things. He hates being "trussed up" in his school uniform and cant wait to strip off when he gets home to prevent him from walking round semi naked he have now got into the habit of making sure he has a change of clothes ready and waiting and he is gradually getting the idea. As to the playing with himself that is normal but we have encouraged him with repeated nagging/persuasion that whilst this behaviour is a normal part of growing up the rest of the house don't want to see it and he is to go in his room. he now accept this.

Answer 7

sorry it's annoying isn't it - the best you can do is to tell him that other people might be embarrassed with his behaviour and could he please keep everything (apart from farting - which is a natural bodily function he can do nothing about) as private as possible citing the age/sex of siblings as an excuse. Don't shout at him as this will make him embarrassed and sneaky about stuff which is the other extreme that you don't really want to push him to - I'm assuming. Stress how embarrassing it is for his sisters especially as you will have to explain to them what it is he's doing if he persists

Answer 8

well if all else fails from the advice you have been given copy him do as he does when he finds what you do offensive tell him when he stop you will he will soon see your right and what he is doing is not on bit like a screaming child in the shop scream back and they shut up he is a boy and 11 but that is not an excuse for this kind of stuff

Answer 9

1. reason is coz he is male. especialy the hands down his trousers thing. my lil bro did that until he was 18 and discovered sex! its really grose.

another reason for the dodgy behaviour could be that he feels that he is oppressed at his new school and he can be himself at home.

does he change when his friends come round or does he do the same things?

also if you dont like him peeing everywhere and i can understand why tell him to stop it and say the neighbours have noticed it.

Answer 10

Sorry but that is so funny! I have a 12 year old doing virtually the same exact thing! I wish I had and answer for you but all I can do is commiserate!