because he works that he doesnt have to help me out.He think that looking after our daughter whos 4 is easy work.I do everything in the house and anything else that needs doing.When i worked i had to run around getting babysitters go to work then come home and still do everything.I understand that work can be tiring but he also carnt understand why iam sometimes tired.He also doesnt clean up after him self and i feel i have two kids to look after. How can i get him to help out a little and be more understanding?He also insited on getting two dogs a labrador and staffy which get my house pitted.
2006-11-19 02:45:07 · 19 answers · asked by lin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
can i just add that my partner does everything in his power for his chid.She is his world
2006-11-19 04:07:54 · update #1
I think you are being taken for a ride. You will have to talk to him!
2006-11-19 02:46:45 · answer #1 · answered by Saudi Geoff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in a tough spot cos you've allowed this situation to occur for years. You need to sit down and have a talk with him.
First off - what do you mean 'when you worked', you are working and damned hard - people do have paid jobs looking after other peoples kids. People also get paid to keep houses, do laundry etc etc - you actually have several jobs now instead of one.
Right, so thats 9-5 sorted (or similar hours), he works, you work. After hours it should be a joint effort and at weekends. Do what you can during the day and at night sit back and do what he does - nothing (obviously you can't let your child suffer so if he wont do anything with her, your maternal instinct will kick in). Dogs are his responsiblility, so do NOTHING with them. During the day, shut them in one room so they can't mess up too much - it wont hurt them. If he leaves stuff lying around, chuck whatever it is in a box or a bag and leave it in the hallway (works well with kids too). If his clothes are all in there and he complains that nothing is available, tough. Make up a rota that is fair and do your bit, if he doesnt do his bit - it doesnt get done - just leave it. When he is home, without warning just say - oh am away to visit......, going shopping or whatever be back at whatever time, have your coat on and be out the door before he has a chance to open his mouth. Good time would be around lunch or tea-time and eat while your out. Be out for at least a couple of hours, preferably longer. That will give him time to see how much work a 4 year old is. And dont tidy up when you get back or cook for him.
Good luck, you have an upward struggle on your hands, but maybe he really just doesnt understand how much you do, once he realises he will hopefully help. If not, he's a lazy, selfish ***** and you have a choice of putting up with it or getting out.
2006-11-19 04:02:57 · answer #2 · answered by geminii_lady_in_fife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just outlined some main reasons I LEFT my last husband. He never got a clue until I was GONE. He never realized how much work being an active parent and taking care of the house is--until I was GONE.
And he had his chances but he chose to ignore them and completely took me for granted.
He knows better now--you don't know what ya got til it's gone.
If he's not willing to listen, get him into counseling.
The other idea is to make a list of everything you do, and then put a monetary value on it--if you hired someone else to come in and do it, and how much it would cost HIM if you weren't around to do it.
2006-11-19 02:51:00 · answer #3 · answered by moniquebell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sadly this is a common problem where blokes often think that the cleaning fairy does all the work!
she daughter belongs to both of you and its time he realised that.
so what if he works? a bit of help wouldn't go astray eh?
i warn you now you face an uphill struggle but i suggest a chat on mutual ground IE not at home may help.
or write him an email or a letter where he can peruse over the facts at his leisure (blokes cant listen to a whole conversation AND remember it all) this way its all there for him to mull over.
good luck.
2006-11-19 03:08:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If hes insistant on adding to the problem by getting dogs, tell him that they will be HIS responsibility to clean and take care of.
Its typical that the mom who stays home generally takes care of everything in the household if dad works. But he needs to show some consideration. Telling you you dont work is mean and thoughtless.
2006-11-19 02:49:23 · answer #5 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if he doesnt understand that you are tired when he wants to have sex, if he doesnt understand that you are tired, tell him why you are tired, and if he says something along the lines of thats no excuse, then tell him you are leaving for a week or so. take a trip to a spa, leave the kid with him, just put your mother or a neighbor on the lookout, just in case he screws up. then. when you get back, ask him if he learned his lesson.
2006-11-19 03:08:48 · answer #6 · answered by ace098141 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is playing on your good nature. The next time he leaves a mess leave it for him to clean it up, even if it is there for a couple of days.Then when he complains make it clear that you are not there to run around after him and make him clean it away. Be consistant and firm, he will soon get the message.
2006-11-19 02:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by dollybird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may do a 9 to 5 job but being a mum is 24/7 job...tell him that, and tell him to stop whining...he's lucky to have you and his kids.....i hope he's gonna be cleaning all that dog s*it up off the floor when they do it everywhere also take them for walks and visits to the vets....having kids is enough work, so try to talk him out of getting the dogs until he learns how to wash dishes and clean up the house for you
2006-11-19 02:54:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One, kick the dogs out of the house if its in your name. Two, quit cooking his meals, doing his laundry, and anything else he expects you to do.
Take care of your childs needs and let the house go to hell for a week. Sit around like he does and if he asks, let him know that you have decided that his life style is best, never helping, picking up after yourself or doing anything since you work too.
2006-11-19 02:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a spine and talk to the man honestly. While you let him continue to get away with this he will continue to do it. Tell him you need his help and that you wont continue cleaning up after him. Say if you wanted to be a maid you would at lest get paid for it. Thats not a relationship...if you cant talk to him and have him understadn then you will resent him until it sours everything. Oh and toss the dogs outside or get rid of them. Stand up for yourself!
2006-11-19 02:49:48 · answer #10 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do your usual stuff, but when it comes to tidying after him i would leave it and not even comment just to see if he gets the hint.If he is used to do nothing he might not take to doing alot.Just get him doing something small at first and then build on it
2006-11-19 02:49:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋