I have been married for 8 years and for 5 of those i havent really been happy and have stayed for the children, i feel so guilty about wanting to leave my husband the kids will be devistated. i simply do not love him anymore, we have had money trouble in the past that we argued over, then we won some money and he hasent been back to work for a year all he does is sit and watch the tele and tell the children off . Just lately he has been really nice and everything should be fine but for me the feelings have just gone. please help all my friends are happily married and do not understand.
2006-11-19 00:37:49 · 40 answers · asked by mum n 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Staying for the kids is never a really good idea esp. if there is tension between the parents. Kids are more perceptive than they let on. If you truly feel like there is no way to salvage the marriage, then get out. The longer you wait, the harder it will be. The kids will adjust in time and you can get on with your life. Love yourself and love your kids and everything will be fine
2006-11-19 00:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by WonderTwit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a really hard one. You need to look at what you have now and what life would be like on your own and think seriously about this. I think a lot of women feel they might as well be alone as we do seem to do the bulk of the work! But at the end of the day sometimes it is good to stop and really think about what you have. Love is not everything.... It is hard to say as I do not know how unhappy you are. IF you are very unhappy and really feel there is nothing there and you would be better off alone then do it. The kids will have a hard time but you will all adjust in time. In the long run you will all be happier people and you may find someone you love and makes you happy one day.
Bringing children up in an unhappy household does not do them any favours either. Weight up what you will loose either way and what you might gain. Maybe get some counselling yourself to help you make a decision either way or go to marriage guidance. We went and I went to my own counselling and it helped no end - I would have walked otherwise....
Good luck!
2006-11-19 04:24:33 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very obvious to me that you don't want to be around him any more. If i have picked it up from reading your words about him how do you think the kids are?
Children are very receptive to tension and arguing etc. They pick up on things so easily. I honestly believe you need to sort this out for good. You are not creating a good environment for the children any way. Yes it will be very hard for the children at first but if you stay strong and confident in your decision then they too will be OK.
It's not an ideal situation but it does happen unfortunately. The most important people here are your childern. They can not have a happy home if you are not happy. I strongly suggest that you sit down and really think about the problems you have and see if may be there is an answer to you problems. If not then you have to do the next best thing for your childern. In years to come if you don't fix this they will end up resenting one of the two of you for not doing any thing.
Please hav ea serious thimk about this before you do any thing. And remember what ever you decision is you must stay strong and confident in your self so you can do the right thing for you kids and be able to show them that everthing wiil be fine.
Best of luck...
2006-11-20 00:49:44 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you need to do.
1. You need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he doesn't. If there are issues that could be resolved.....
2. You need therapy. Try to do some marriage counseling and see if you both can make some changes that will help you see who you fell in love with again. I mean a marriage is a sacred thing. I'm not against divorce, but only after a conscious effort has been made to save the marriage...especially since you have kids.
3. If you go through all that and you still don't feel the love. Then you need to split. Your unhappiness isn't worth staying to make the kids feel good. If you are happy, they will be happy. It will be an adjustment and it is going to be hard, but that's the way life is. Just make sure that if you do decide to split that your husband and you have an amicable divorce. And have a good relationship with each other for your kids. Your kids never need to hear either one of you bash the other one. That is very unhealthy for them. Even if you are not united in marriage, they need to know that you are still united as their parents and that isn't going to change.
The best of luck.
2006-11-19 00:47:43 · answer #4 · answered by jmk_jenmarie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never EVER stay for the kids. People should split up for the sake of the kids, not stay together! My parents divorced when I was 4, and I am SO happy about that, cos I truly believe that even back then, I can remember 'tension', even though my mum swears blind that they never argued when i was in the house, or had words in front of me.
My daughter was 3 when I split with her dad, and we have a fantastic relationship, as she is one of the most balanced kids I know.
Whereas i have some friends who have 'stayed together for the kids' and the tension is causing stress, the kids are always playing them up, or getting into trouble, and generally, the whole family seems depressed!
As long as children are positive that they are loved by everyone around them, they adjust pretty well. And if their parents are happy, whether they be together or apart, that is the emotion they feed off!
Good luck - it wont be easy either way. xx
2006-11-19 01:24:56 · answer #5 · answered by spacebabe2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wanting to keep a marriage together for the sake of the children is honorable in some cases. When the love is gone and there is a lot of bitterness, how are the children benefiting? You sound like you have some real issues and need to seek counseling, not for the sake of holding the marriage together, but for your own piece of mind. Children don't get much out of being a part of a loveless marriage, they tend to begin to think that it's their fault and you don't want that. Make a move sooner than later.
2006-11-19 01:03:23 · answer #6 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you ever thought about marriage counselling it will brimg everything out in the open and it will give you the chance to review your options, it may be worth giving ago because if u once loved this man may b if he became the old him you could love him again if not may be you should move on but counselling is worth a shot as it helps release your emotions. I would also like to say if you dont wish to be with your husband anymore you should look into how you'll keep fiancially afloat and where you will live etc somtimes these things are overlooked. At the same time you should realise if this is somthing you really want to do you should do it dont worry about the children yes it wont be a nice thing for them to go through but you have to live ur life for urself ur kids arent always going to be there for. Please review your situation i understand how difficult it is i also understand how it feels when none understands wat your going through. i hope this is of some assistance
2006-11-19 00:47:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The divorce rate is so high these days, so many people get divorced and do just fine and the kids turn out just fine too. I stayed for 2 years for my kids and was miserable, didn't even want to go home most of the time and then I looked around me and saw lots of people who have gotten divorced and been divorced with children and they all did just fine.
It will be a change for the kids and they will be hurt at first but they grow fast and learn to adjust, just be sure they know both mommy and daddy love them but that sometimes adults just dont get along anymore and that you cant be togeather anymore.
2006-11-19 02:33:47 · answer #8 · answered by littlebit02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids aren't stupid. They know when things aren't right between Mom and Dad. What you really need to ask is would the kids and you be better off if you and your husband went separate ways? Do you truly feel you can provide for your children better without him and lead a good example?
Also, do you really want to raise your children in a loveless, antagonistic environment?
You're the only one who can really answer if you're done with the marriage or not. I understand that the kids are a factor in deciding whether to stay or go but kids are resilient and ultimately only want Mom and Dad to be happy.
2006-11-19 00:56:00 · answer #9 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you both could spend some time together alone and see if feelings can be rekindled. You could try to go out to eat, to a movie or on some day trips together.
With life being busy with kids and other responsibilities, it must be hard to find time to connect.
If this does not work, don't stay for the kids. They will sense it and it will not show them what good marriages are all about.-
2006-11-19 01:31:36 · answer #10 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋