ive three other beautiful children.........having a lot of stress to handle the whole family
2006-11-18 23:24:28 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My condolences. I've had a suicide in my family as well, but not a child. I can only imagine . . . . I want to be straight with you, but it's a harsh truth. If you don't want that, please, stop reading.
I have a stabbing pain in my heart when I think of my sister, how I wasn't there for her, how no one was, how she must have felt so lonely and despairing. I empathize to the point that I want to die myself, and rationalize it as a way to go to her, to be with her. It's been fourteen years, but that state of mind still takes me unawares from time to time. The choice is between what you have lost and what you have. Think smart, now: Which is the better direction to put your effort, your empathy, your focus?
Your daughter is gone, and that place in your heart where she lived feels empty. It is empty; she took a piece of your heart with her (which I'm sure you'd have gladly given if you knew she'd need it). Forgive her for her selfish act. And *don't* forgive yourself for not saving her; you'll never be able to. You can't; it isn't your fault, whatever you think.
There will always be a pain in your heart when you think of her, the same pain, always. Don't think of her. I know how that sounds, but think of yourself, think of your other children, think of the family, your friends, the direction of your life, your work. *Do not think about your lost daughter,* not for a while. Get through the shock, back into life, into healing. Don't pick at the wound.
If you need an outlet, find an artificial place outside your life, a support group, a counselor, a place you go to think about it, but try not to dwell on her in your daily life. I took up art. My mother went to counseling. My step-father dove into work (and absented himself from home--I don't recommend that). My brother exercised. Nothing makes it easier, really, but just don't make it harder on yourself.
I'm so sorry. Take care.
2006-11-18 23:56:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is a big stress. I cant imagine what you are going though. But I do know that time heals- and though it wont "heal" your wounded heart- it will patch it up and make it easier to go one living.
Obviously your child had an illness of depression or some deep hurt that he/she couldnt take any more- if you have a religious or spiritual belief you could turn to that. Ask for comfort and strength. If you are still married turn to your spouse and seek counseling or at least a support group. Death of children can tear a marriage apart.
The other three children need to have strong parents to help guide them through this terrible time as well. So you do have a huge burden on you. I wish you well and good health.
Sadly- those that commit suicide dont look at the mangled mess of emotion they leave behind.
2006-11-18 23:48:55 · answer #2 · answered by jeweledfruit 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Jackie, first I want to say how sorry I am at the passing of your daughter.I know you are still in shock at this time. It will take time to get your life in order, but first you must grieve!
I lost my brother 10 years a ago and I found great help at thecompassionatefriends.org (TCF). There is great help there for you that you can't imagine now. Each person there has lost a child or a sibling and they are there to comfort each other and to share their feelings and knowledge.
The TCF site has just been updated this month and we are officially opening Nov 20th. If you want to chat before then you can download yahoo instant messenger and a bunch of us are chatting there until the site is open Monday.
There are chapters of TCF located in most major cities all over the world.
Don't think that what you are feeling now will just go away. But with time and help you can incorporate it into your life and live as your daughter would want you to live, in many peaceful times when you can smile, and yes, even laugh again.
If you need me you can reach me in emaail delise@flash.net
Bless you and take care.
Hope to see you in TCF.
TCF Martha
2006-11-18 23:57:46 · answer #3 · answered by a_phantoms_rose 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the most beautiful funeral I've been to focused, not on the loss, but the advantages people had to know some wonderful things about the person.
After a loose, family members take it differently. If some want to be quiet, let them not talk ... if others want to talk, let them ...
Your kids may be worried about opening up to a psychiatrist, but there are scars there .... some may blame themselves ... you could make it easier for them by talking to a psych first and letting them see that it is acceptable to talk out problems.
God bless you mate ... take care
2006-11-18 23:38:18 · answer #4 · answered by wizebloke 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe the only way to relieve your stress and self loss is to allow yourself to grieve. If you are unable to do this on your own, you should seek medical professional to help you. Loosing a child or a loved one has got to be the hardest thing in the world. Your other children may have not learned how to grieve and understand her death either. Maybe a family counseling session will help them too.
2006-11-19 02:33:38 · answer #5 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is the hardest question I have ever tried to answer. First I'm deeply sorry for you and your family. This is a time when we all need each other they need you as much as you need them. It will make your family closer but the miss will always be there. Hope all works out and best of the world to you and yours.
2006-11-18 23:34:29 · answer #6 · answered by lonetraveler 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry...is there a support group for parents who have lost their children in your area? Talking to someone who has been through the same thing might help out a bit. Only someone else in your situation could help you through this. I am so sorry...call a church to see if they know of anyone in a similar situation. My prayers will be with you.
2006-11-18 23:27:06 · answer #7 · answered by Free Girl Now 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tough question to answer. I lost my granddaughter at the
age of 12. she was murdered on Halloween 8 years ago.
just take one day at a time and be strong for your family.
If things get to much to handle contact profesional help.
their are alot of support groups out to help if you should
it. My sympathy extend to you.
2006-11-19 00:22:33 · answer #8 · answered by star 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a group or someone to talk to would help. Being spiritual helps too. Life has to go on. Hold on to your ship. You still have other three angels with you. Don't loose them too.
2006-11-22 01:23:30 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to read this.
Look for a family support group in your area. This tradgedy is something the family needs to work on and you need a trained therapist... in my estimation.
2006-11-18 23:30:58 · answer #10 · answered by Molly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋