I hung out with one of my old coworkers a couple weeks ago. We had coffee and dinner and he said he'd walk me home because it was late. On the way to my house he told me he wanted to stay over. (I had already told him that I had to get up at 6 am. There were things I needed to to to prepare for work the next day.) I told him that my room was a mess and he said he didn't care. I told him that I didn't have any clean towels for him to take a shower, he still said he didn't care and insisted on staying over. I ended up letting him crash on my floor because he had bought me dinner. Would I have been rude to turn him away? I don't like having guests when I'm not prepared. What would you have done?
2006-11-18 20:50:56 · 22 answers · asked by emmeaki 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Hmm, I have been in this situation.
If it is a friend who NEEDS to stay over (broken down miles from home, kicked out of home etc) then I would normally want to help, however....
If it is someone who just wishes to have their way and ignores my attempts at civility, I just become increasingly more direct without going "overboard".
Can I stay at yours tonight?
Oh, I will be out of the way before then / I won'd mind, I can let myself out.
If someone was stupid enough to push beyond THIS point, I would become blunter.
I am sorry if you feel offended by this, but I like to have a say in when friends stay at my house. I am too tired to entertain ANYONE this evening - without exception. I do hope you I have made myself transparently clear. Good night.
The moment you do the "rooms a mess", "no towel" stuff, all he has to do is say "that's ok, I don't mind" and he has shot down your resistance.
Instead of making apologies (sorry, rooms a mess, sorry not towel), just make your needs clear. "I have work to do and need to try and grab a couple of hours sleep before 6am - another time perhaps".
It is NOT rude to be as asseritve as someone else is making you be. the person being rude is the one who feels ha can bully you into having his own way.
2006-11-18 21:08:38 · answer #1 · answered by Mark T 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Hon, U did the right thing. It is very rude for anyone to go to someone house without invitation or prior plans. No one and I mean no one would even think about coming to my home without calling first because they know the way I feel about it and if they don't I am not shy to say I have to go to work tomorrow and also get a few things ready for the next morning maybe some other time, but call first. This person wouldn't have even got the first of the sentence wanting to come to my home because I will let him know right then and there how I feel. Don't be afraid to be assertive when people try to move into your comfort zone. Speak up you will be surprised at the respect u will get from others.
2006-11-18 21:03:26 · answer #2 · answered by vickie p 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ignorant, annoying, and beyond rude to think that someone's else's HOME is a hotel! Don't like others in my private spaces, sleeping in my bed(s), using my shower, my amenities, etc.! People who suggest that they stay/visit with you are USING you! Yes, they are freeloaders. What's amazing is that in my experience many of them aren't even embarrassed to ask or suggest. When you finally get this it will be easier to set boundaries with the word "NO".
If they suggest or even ask to stay a few nights/days, just say, "I'll have to say NO, my home is private." The end.
If you home is in a desirable location-the lake, coast, mountains, etc., practice having a little FUN. Again, say, "NO", but suggest a great hotel or B & B. Then just sit back and smile while you watch their desire to get away, put their toes in the sand and relax disappears as he/she has a vision of themselves shelling out their own money for a place to stay goes through their mind. What a shock!
Don't be manipulated with the "Poor Me' routine either. It's a game. Regardless, that's their issue. DON'T take it on.
Again, they're only buttering you up to USE you. You can do it, just say "No". Repeat until they get it. You'll feel better and stronger that you were true to yourself. Enough said.
2015-09-13 13:56:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have absolutely NOT allowed him into my home. There is no need to give excuses...a simple no should suffice. Simply repeating "no" to each of his attempts at persuasion would have given him the message. You do not need to give reasons for your answer as that just gives him an opportunity to wear you down. Do not feel obligated to do something you do not want to do just because someone has done something for you. If he or anyone shows up unannounced and uninvited just tell him it is not a good time and close the door. Better yet, do not open the door and say it through the closed door. Assert yourself, hun!
2006-11-25 07:24:36 · answer #4 · answered by Barb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No means No..in any situation.
If you did not want him to stay, it was very rude and unthoughtfull of him to keep pushing himself in the door..
You need to let him know that you are not happy with his actions, he basically saw you as a pushover and did not care what you had to say..
I would of not been so nice once the reasons I had given him did not sink into his head..
Just because he bought you dinner does not mean you owe him anything in return..
I would think twice before going out with him again..
2006-11-18 20:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
What makes me giggle at those human beings is they experience righteous and tell others that they concept you invited them (fairly?-What particular date and time??). whilst they ask, I flinch! only opt for to run removed from them and not look back. They act like they're doing you a choose and saving you from loneliness! What a comedian tale! they simply opt for a unfastened journey for some reason valuable to themselves. Why else could they show a finished loss of sophistication? yet they are actually not getting it and never will. only smile and shake you head with the word "No-we desperate our place is inner maximum". No better explanation mandatory. particular, that man or woman will flow off and be indignant and blame you, or communicate smack approximately you. they could justify their rudeness by using thinking that they are doing so some style of style by using offering their enterprise!! it is so pathetic fairly. Others can see by using it; and be attentive to there are possibly a hundred motives you do no longer opt for them staying day and night at your place. It amazes me how brash and obtrusive some human beings could nicely be. they simply opt for what they opt for and are not even embarrassed! (LOL) Say no-and run do no longer stroll from those varieties!!! they're going to be back!
2016-12-30 15:16:57 · answer #6 · answered by nourse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let people stand over you like that. If you say no then stick to it. As for this particular individual, you should be very wary of him as he has already proved himself to be rude and inconsiderate, and from the way he persisted until he got what he wanted he could also have a controlling nature.
2006-11-18 21:15:05 · answer #7 · answered by Ted T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being rude by turning him away, he was.
He did the whole guilt trip thing on you and you fell for it!
Excuse me? He bought you dinner and you let him spent the night?
You felt obligated and you never should.
You should have said no, it's inconvenient right now.
Heck, you should have lied and said your aunt was spending the night and she doesn't approve of guys staying over.
2006-11-18 21:00:56 · answer #8 · answered by elidet_reyes 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he was wrong to be so pushy. you gave him reasons why you didn't want him there and he pushed his way. he probably didn't have anywhere else to go and that's probably why he hung out with you in the first place. I simply would have said no from the getgo and ended the conversation. If you keep the conversation open if gives people the feeling it can be negotiated.
2006-11-18 21:00:55 · answer #9 · answered by uknowme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have politely declined him. He was the rude one for insisting. You did not owe him anything for having dinner with him. I am sure he offered. Your home is your private place. No one has the right to insist you bed them for the night.
2006-11-18 20:56:56 · answer #10 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋