My new sister in law and my husband's brother chose my husbands cousin over me to acompany him in the wedding party. Apparently it was a last minute since her cousin canceled and she tought that nobody else would fit in the dress for her cousin but my husbands cousin. She never talked to me about it. I didn't know that my husband will be walking the isle in the church and take pictures without me. I felt very left out. My other sister in law says that in America that's OK.For some reason, I just can't get over it.I feel very hurt as if it was set up. I can't even imagine talking ever again to my new sister in law. What do you think?
2006-11-18 20:05:20 · 18 answers · asked by Donna M 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Were you invited to the wedding? That would be definitely weird -- if you don't get invited. But the wedding party itself -- that's OK. You get to meet up with him again at the reception.
When my sister got married, I don't think there were *any* couples that stood in line together -- the ushers were all my brother-in-law's college buddies, and my sister's bridesmaids were her friends (and me). I didn't think anything of it -- except I was glad because my husband was able to look after my young daughter during the wedding part.
Please don't feel like this was an intentional slight against you. You need to welcome the new girl into the family, OK? Families are getting smaller and smaller, and we could use more relatives and family support in the world, IMO.
2006-11-18 20:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by Madame M 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You can't take this situation personally. A lot of the time brides and grooms will choose family first for their attendants, and then go to their friends. A lot of the time they will choose friends over family only if the degree of their relationships with either. If your new sister-in-law is closer to her cousin than she is with you, then it is almost an obvious choice for her to pick her cousin. Your husband being his brother's best man is almost a given as well. You can't feel left out regarding this one...unless your sister in law said she was going to give you the spot and then took it away. If she didn't do that then she didn't do anything wrong. I have planned a lot of weddings where the husband of the couple is standing on the groom's side and his wife is in a pew, not on the bride's side...it isn't a requirement that both people have to stand together. It is her choice.
2006-11-19 12:08:07 · answer #2 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know where you are from, but the bride and groom are the ones who decide who they want in the wedding party. It doesn't matter if those people are married or not. And the wedding party is just that! Wives/ girlfriends, husbands/boyfriends of the wedding party never appear in the pictures of the wedding part itself. Later, at the reception, I'm sure you will have plenty of chances to have your pictures taken together.
You are being too sensitive about something that is the normal practice here. Please don't think it was some set up! Having family members in the party is very common.
Welcome your new sister-in-law into the family, and be friends with her. If you don't, you will regret it.
2006-11-19 05:47:13 · answer #3 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being a little selfish. A persons wedding party shoudl be people they are very close to. Of course, your husband is a logical choice if he is close to your brother - but that does not mean you are automatically supposed to be included.
At my wedding - my husband had his best friend as best man, I had my sister as maid of honor so they walked up together, danced together, etc. His spouse did not have a problem with that - our husbands had grown up together, but her and I were not nearly so close, so it made sense that I would have my sister there instead of her.
In the end, you are making a big deal about nothing and you need to let it go. The little green monster is showing through a bit. Be happy for your husband that he gets to stand by his brother's side at this wonderful moment, celebrate with the new bride and groom, and just enjoy the moment. This would be a very silly thing to destroy a fmaily relationship over.
2006-11-19 21:44:35 · answer #4 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my only brother got married to my close friend, I was the maid of honor, but my husband was not asked to be best man. Even though he was close to my brother. My brother asked another close friend instead. I did feel a little ackward, because we were both married to other people. But the best man's wife and my husband, both did not mind. They felt that it was the choice of the couple that mattered most. It was what they wanted. We must respect what ever choice the couple makes, even if we don't agree with it. It is for only one day, and I'm sure it will be fine. There is nothing sexual about this arrangement. So no worries there. You can make sure that there is also many pictures of you with your husband.
Starting out in a marriage is alot of hard work and stress. Sometimes we don't always think clearly or make the right choices for our wedding day. The best gift you can give the couple is your help and forgiveness. Life is to short to harbor resentment. Your feelings might rub off on your husband, and it might spoil the day for him. Just take courage and put on a smile. You have so much more important things to worry about then the questionable choices of this couple. I really hope you can still enjoy the day with your husband. And be proud for your husband, and for the couple getting married { your brother and sister in law }. Offer your help to the couple. Let them know you want to be apart of this wedding. Even if it is behind the scenes.
2006-11-19 04:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by woman of steel 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to feel left out, after all that is your partner. But brides do make the decision for all arrangemants and their wedding party. Be happy that your husband is apart of his families special day. I have also been in this situation, but i was proud to see my man all dressed up and looking good. Take your camera, because we took some nice pictures together, if it is not to late. Yes, this is a normal situation, not a set up.
2006-11-19 04:43:07 · answer #6 · answered by sunni 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't take things too seriously. People are extremely stressed at the time of weddings and lots of blunders happen resulting in people getting hurt...so you're not the only one this has happened too neither does it sound like it was a deliberate snub to you. Rise above this, be normal towards your new sister-in-law and forget about this, you should get on with your life and focus on other things that need your emotional/mental energy.
2006-11-19 06:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by DrSH 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because your spouse is in the wedding party doesn't mean that you should or have to be. Most couples make their own list of attendants and only compare when it comes to how many there are.
2006-11-19 16:03:47 · answer #8 · answered by K S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my husband has been in many wedding parties that I wasnt in, and vice versa.
Yes, thats norrmal...I dont see a problem. Im sorry you feel left out, but dont, just have a great time at the wedding.
2006-11-19 04:09:24 · answer #9 · answered by mand 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
in AMERICA we are all equal. I don't know what country you're from but here the bride makes the decisions about the wedding and all arrangements except the bachelor's party his best man does that. sounds like u married into the wrong family.
2006-11-19 04:14:06 · answer #10 · answered by DAYNA S 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋