I haven't gotten along with him in years. And no, its not that I don't get along with him just because I'm a teenager (18). It just seems like he resents me for not being how he thinks I should be. He says things that he knows will hurt my feelings.(Example: I have been severly depressed for a couple of months now. I need therapy. He has told me therapy is only for the weak, and also that I don't need it anyway, because there's nothing wrong with me. I'm just "pretending".) Arguing doesn't help. He's a know-it-all. And I know I'd either be dead or disowned if he knew a couple of unknown things about me. But, I live with him, like it or not. What should I do to make living better here?
2006-11-18 18:48:23 · 15 answers · asked by LivingDeadKat 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have moved out before, and it just caused more problems for the rest of my family. And you really hurt me with that emo comment. I think I'm going to cry...God...
2006-11-18 19:01:33 · update #1
he proably doesn't want to believe anything is wrong with you,you're his little girl reguardless of the fighting,,although he says it outloud,,in his mind he thinks different and he proably just can't show the real feelings.he loves you and,he wants you to be strong.it's hard being a father to a girl sometimes.good luck!
2006-11-18 18:56:15 · answer #1 · answered by jgmafb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are at a crucial age when it's time for your father to emotionally let go of you in order to allow you to become your own person.
All parents really struggle with this and it's not easy. For 18 years your father has made all your life decisions. It will take time for him to adjust to you making those decisions from here out. He lieky still remembers you being a toddler or your first day of school like it was yesterday.
Keep in mind that your dad is not from the era that it was normal to go to counseling. In his day "normal" people didn't have a therapist and it was the weirdo's that took antidepressants, etc. He may be wrong about the whole therapist thing but it's what he's always known. Get the help you need and leave him out of it. At 18 years old it's your decision and he no longer needs to know every detail of your life. Give him some time to adjust to this though.
Eventually you will have to move out on your own. It will be rough for a while but you will eventually look back and see that it was the true answer you were seeking. Once you move on your own your dad will be nervous for a while. Eventually he will adapt and hopefully respect you for the grown woman you will have become.
2006-11-19 03:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by stardust23716 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for some people to get along with their dads. So don't feel like no one has experienced that before. It is unfair that you don't always get along with others. But don't let that make you feel worthless. You can prove to him that there is nothing to be ashamed of. He must not know you really well, if he acts like that. You should spend more time with him and look for something that both of you have in common. If you open up to him and tell him your problems, then he might be able to help you out. Confront him and tell him what he's done to you. Then maybe the two of you will get along. Don't worry it isn't the end yet. Don't ever give up.
2006-11-19 03:25:29 · answer #3 · answered by Cathy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is, like many fathers, rather insensitive to you, defining the world in his terms rather than realizing other people live in it too.
He may have been conditioned by his father to think this way.
He believes he can toughen you up, get you moving forward.
He doesnt understand how much damage he can be doing to you and to your relationship with him because of his attitudes.
My father was that way, and it carried over to me when I became a father. I have been able to see the error of my ways, but wish I had not had to go through this conditioning.
My brother also was damaged by this sort of conditioning from my father, and it has made his life sad and depressed, and has kept him from the successes he should have had.
You probably cant change him. Do your therapy, do your best to get on your feet, and move away as soon as you can.
2006-11-19 03:10:01 · answer #4 · answered by hls 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 18. If you don't like where or who you are living with, it's time to move out and make a life for yourself. It's hard for parents to see eye to eye with their children because they are sometimes too old fashion. My mother was the same way when it came to depression, anxiety, hyperactivity, etc.. she didn't see it as an illness, but something she could either beat out of us, or control with intensive discipline! I only lived with her till I was fourteen...I got emancipated, then got my own place. I know what it is like to be in that position/situation. You just need to take responsibility for yourself. It's not going to be easy, but I prommise you...it WILL be worth it:)
2006-11-19 03:03:59 · answer #5 · answered by wherenai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said there are a couple things out there that would be a disaster if he found out. well you can't change anything now, so forgive yourself or be proud of yourself. it all starts with you feeling good about you, once you get that set with therapy or however you need, then work on the other situation. a smile goes a long way to the start of heeling. so smile.
2006-11-19 03:29:19 · answer #6 · answered by promark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was a teen I didn't get along with my dad either but when I needed him he was there. All dads are know it alls. I guarentee when the day comes and you think you have no one he will be there. I would suggest putting yourself in a parental role, no parent wants to think thier child needs help that they can't provide. If you need help then you should get it, besides your 18 now its really none of his business.
2006-11-19 02:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by tigerbaby322006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like my dad! Hahah, sad... I know how you feel. It sounds really corny, but try writing him a letter about how you feel. Maybe this will open up some communication. And at least this way, you can put what you want to tell him exactly how you want it to sound. If he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you about some things, he is probably the one needing therapy.
2006-11-19 02:56:19 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 18 and old enough to get the therapy you know you need. Don't listen to him and don't wait. Get the help that's out there for you.
2006-11-19 02:50:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is going to have to accept how you are whether if he likes it or not. Try to get along with hime as much as you can. I wish i could still see my father, but that wont ever happen on this earth again
2006-11-19 02:54:19 · answer #10 · answered by chinks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋