How can i save my boyfriend from his father?

Question

My boyfriend and i are both 17 (please don't disregard this because it is serious and i only want serious answers)he lives with just his dad b/c his mom left him and his brother 6 yrs.ago. well his dad is a big a$$ and tells his really mean things that aren't true.he tells him that he is stupid,lazy,& worthless.he isn't though.he is a sweet guy,he gets straight A's and he is by far not worthless. he said that he thinks that all he is here for is to die.i am very worried about him and he says that i am better than him(but i'm not)and he doesn't know if he can handle being in a relationship with me because i am better than him and stuff.but i'm not.he sees that my parents are going to help me out with college and his dad isnt and he gets like this.i am so worried about him what can i do to make him not feel like he is worthless or stupid or lazy.please only serious answers!and don't not take me serious because i am 17.this is less about my relationship but more about his wellbeing!

Answer 1

Pay very close attention. Constant negative reinforcement from a parent figure is next to impossible to overcome. Get him away from his abusive, manic father as quickly as possible. If you care for him, tell him to get help from professionals at school or public health officials. He needs to be in an environment where he can realize his potential and learn healthy self-esteem.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about your bf's situation. When does he turn 18?

Is there any way he can live with his mother until then? If his brother is 18 or older, can he live with him? How about living with your family, or perhaps he has an aunt, uncle, grandparent who might take him in until he turns 18?

Perhaps he can look into getting "emancipated minor" status.

Obviously his father is a negative influence, and your bf needs to get away, or severely limit the time he spends with him. He can also try different ways of reacting to his father that might make him see what he's doing and stop.

For example, if his father calls him names, instead of engaging in a fight he would answer, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." It will make his dad see he was being childish and he would stop.

Or he could try agreeing with his father and thereby defuse the situation. He could say, "Yeah, I guess I am stupid sometimes. What would you do in my situation?" He doesn't have to follow his father's advice -- it's just a way to stop the pattern.

When his father starts up being mean, he could say, "You know dad, I'm 17 and I won't be living with you much longer, and I was hoping we could have better memories of being together."

Your bf has to take on the adult role of not taking the bait, of being level-headed. It really does work.

As for going to college, what are his plans? There are lots of technical programs he can get into, such as an electrician's apprentice or auto mechanic, that are a lot quicker and cheaper than college and can get him into careers that pay just as well. Just get him focused on the future because it's not that far off.

When he says you are better than him, don't bother denying it. He won't feel it's true. Just tell him how the important thing in your relationship is for both of you to help each other become better people and rise above your circumstances together, and maybe even joke that he is so lucky he found someone so much better than him who is so crazy about him and thinks the world of him.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to get him help, he may have some sort of mental problem (I know that sounds mean) maybe from beign told he's worthless all his life he's started to believe it. Try getting him to contact Kids Help Line, cause he's still in the age group and make sure that someone else knows what his father says to him.

I wish you guys all the best

Answer 4

That is really sad, Tell him you are there by his side, and he is not what his dad says, also tell him its his dad who has the problems and not to let it get to him, usually people who have issues and hate life or miserable pry on other people and try to belittle them, trust me I know, i had a step mom like this, he needs to just not let it get to him,he sounds like a smart wonderful guy, But he needs to realize its not his fault and hes not worthless, Normal people dont treat there kids or anyone else like that, so just stick by his side, you sound like a sweet heart

Answer 5

You can't change anything about him and his father. Be very specific when you complement him. Instead of saying "you're smart" say " you have a great vocabulary" or "you thought about that very wisely" or " I knew you'd do well on that test". Don't always try to convince him that you love him or that he is worthy. He won't accept your words, just your behavior. But watch out that he's not a charity case for you either. If you have to spend a lot of energy trying to make him happy or "fix" him, that's going to be a lifetime of work that might not be healthy for either of you.

Answer 6

This seems difficult situation but I think you can't do anything about it only to give him courage and try to keep him as far away from his father as posible. This might be the only way. Good luck girl!!!

Answer 7

he sounds very depressed. i would go to court and ask to be allowed for him to live by himself. it sounds like he feels like he is nothing compared to everyone because of what his dad has said. im not saying this to freak you out or be a ***** but this story makes me think of him committing suicide.

Answer 8

Go to allexperts.com and ask there. You might fined you will get more qualified people for this question.