Mother-in-law is a mooch! How would you handle this situation?

Question

My MIL always needs money because she makes poor decisions with her own. I am very frustrated because she can't pay her bills but she smokes ciagerettes and buys things that she doesn't need.

A week ago my husband, infant son and I went to visit her... and once again she cried about how stressed she was, how she couldn't pay her bills and didn't have money to buy food, and that the bank put a hold on her acct because she was over-drawn, etc. So we gave her $100 cash... and the next day she ended up driving to visit her boyfriend who lives 5 hours away... instead of buying groceries or paying bills! This happens ALL THE TIME (blowing money). She told us 9 months ago that she owes $1500 in back taxes on her home due in January... but she doesn't save a dime. She expects her kids (her sons, not her daughters) to get together and "work it out". My husband feels obligated to help. She'll lose her home if we don't pay it... but I'm fed up! how would you handle a MIL who is a mooch?

Her sons are constantly bailing her out financially... even though they're trying to raise families of their own now. Her favorite line is "Family helps family", but even the morman church in her area no longer helps her out because she's sucked them dry.

Answer 1

I would talk to your husband and explain to him that giving her handouts really isn't helping her, it's enabling her. Your husband and his brothers need to sit down with Mom and explain to her that she needs to go and see a counselor about her inability to be financially responsible. The guys should explain to her that what she is doing is placing an unfair burden on them and their families. Every time that they have to pay her bills or bail her out that is money taken away from their children. When she throws in their faces that "Family helps family" they should tell her that is true and it works two ways. They are "helping" her out by teaching her to become financially responsible for herself and she is helping them out by not being a burden to them and taking away needed funds from her grandchildren. I personally wouldn't let the house go because of back taxes. I would pay the taxes and charge her "rent" until she paid me back. If she refuses to do that the next time the taxes are late I would make her put my name on the title before I paid them again. At least with your name on the title you could one day recoup your money.

Answer 2

From now on, instead of giving her money, go buy her groceries or make a check out to the bill she owes. That way she can't spend it on something else and come crying to you again. I just went through this with my Mom. She called all upset that her car wasn't running and it was $900 to fix it. We sent her $1500 so she could get the car fixed and catch up a bit. Well, she never got the car fixed and she called again about it the other day. I had to tell her we couldn't help her this time. The truth is I don't have any extra to give without it hurting my finances. It was hard to say no but I did it. There comes a point when you have to take care of your own family first, then if you can help...do so, but not at the expense of your own family.

Answer 3

This is going to be hard -- but instead of cash -- well, do NOT Give her cash or any money -- just if they want to help -- then bring groceries or pay the tax bill directly -- NO CASH to her at all!

After that point .. your husband and his siblings need to sit down, and determine what they are going to do to help their mother -- and that means maybe one of them will be the person who takes charge of her finances (and they can take her to her bank and set up Auto-Pays that coincide with her pay or pension being deposited) and pays the bills out of whatever she earns or has coming in. AFTER those bills are automatically set up to be paid (and it can be done -- they just need to go with their mother to the Bank and make sure that the BANK pays the auto-payments right when the money is deposited) -- then this is a way to ensure that she does NOT blow the money she has.

Answer 4

I would try and sit down with your husband and explain to him that the only way she is going to stop mooching off you guys is if you guys stop helping her.

I know that will make him feel really bad but it is prob what needs to be done.

If he can't stop helping her sugest to him that you guys take over her finances. What kind of income does she have.? A social security check.? If so then have grandma give you the check and you sit down with her and pay bills. You deposit the check you write out the bills and you mail them. She may feel like a child, which maybe what she wants, someone to 'take' care of her.

If there is any money left give her an allowence. Tell her that she this is they way will be untill she can handle things on her one. you never know it may work.

Tell her other sons that they need to stop helping mom out by not helping her out with money. If she owes back taxes because of her house maybe she needs to sell it and get something smaller.

Its hard to start treating your parents like little kids but sometimes that is what needs to happen.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Have her bf bail her out- and unless she is going to leave the house to the kids when she dies forget it- he is enforcing his mother's irresponsible behavior!!! In some places you can go years and not pay the property tax- find out what the state law is there- If he does get wild and pay the tax- pay it to the treasurer- not MOM-she will blow it-Your husband is not obligated to bail her out of her foolish behavior- she is acting like a spoiled sneaky manipulative child!D

Answer 6

Sell her home. Use a portion of the money to pay the owed taxes, then use the proceeds to put Granny in a rest home. She will have a roof over her head that she will not have to maintain, and be taken care of.

Tell your husband this, and get his siblings to back him up.

Answer 7

Her sons could just say from now on...if they do not want to be an ENABLER.....WHICH THEY ARE...there is a book on that...don't remember the name??? anyway...i feel it is best to just STAY away from her if you do not want to be involved.....Just white lie or make up excuse to NOT SEE HER...you will HAVE TO, TO JUST NOT BE INVOLVED...LET'S SEE HER SONS COULD SAY,,...'MOM WE ARE LOW ON MONEY AND CAN'T HELP YOU THIS MONTH..." IF SHE ASKS WHY NOT...just say...we can't....due to medical bills or other expenses that have occured"...if ALL THE BROTHERS SAID THAT THEN SHE WOULD HAVE TO MANAGE HER FINANCES BETTER...TELL THEM TO STOP BEING AN ENABLER...SHE will never change if they do...and like you said...she just blows it on crap....stay away from her!!!!

Answer 8

Tell her to get lost! I have rules and my mil knows them and if she breaks them she doesn't see me and the kids. I can't stop my husband from seeing her but I will stop her from seeing me and my kids! My husband is ALWAYS ON MY SIDE so I have no prob there. There r 8 kids in my husbands family so now we tell her to talk to the others.
Tell her to fend for herself and ask her daughters for help.

Answer 9

since its his mother your husband will feel obligated since she's done a lot for him. get your husband and his brothers to talk to mom and find ways to get her out of debt. your husband needs to realize that b/c if you say something he'll feel that you don't like his mom or don't want to help out. or you could suggest that she moves in with you or her other sons. maybe then she'll have less bills to worry about.

Answer 10

I'd tell her she's barking up the wrong tree, I'm not made of money and can't afford everything.