Who's got a funny story?

Question

I've reached my limit for answering, and I need a good laugh! Do you have a funny story about your kids or when you were a kid you'd like to share?

Answer 1

I had been cleaning the house during our fall cleaning time of the year. My daughter had seen me clean the TV screen with Windex. One day I walked into the living room before I left for work(I was working third shift so she was ready for bed) and found her sitting there on the floor with a jar of Vaseline. I'm not quite sure how she got it, but she had it smeared all over the TV screen. She pointed at it and said "clean". I then noticed her hair looked very wet. She had smeared the Vaseline through her hair. I guess she figured that since there was some left she might as well use it to clean her hair and anything else that she could fine. Needless to say I spent 3 days trying to get the Vaseline out of her hair. Finally, I used dish soap to cut the grease out of her hair.

Another funny story of my daughter. She was about 2 1/2 years old and starting to potty train. She had been wearing a pull up. She had been coloring at her desk that I had gotten her. I guess I had fallen asleep for a few minutes watching TV(still working third shift) and woke up to her coloring on the TV screen. I thought she was using a brown crayon. I think you probably know where this is going. Well since her pull up was so easy to take off and put back on she had pooped and was using the little hard turds to color with. Needless to say I spent the rest of the day going through the house sanitizing everything, but first she got a bath of course.

My daughter has been a handful. She'll be 4 years old soon after my baby is born. I'm just hope I only have to go through this with my daughter and not with my baby.

Answer 2

When my nephew was 5, he gave me a Valentine, one of those kid's Valentines they pass out in school, and I said "thank you! That's so nice of you!" He said "yeah, I figure it's the only one you'll get"....I was single at the time. My brother-in-law and my sister just about died from laughing so hard. He also told me once "you should dress more exciting, maybe then you'll get a boyfriend".
I'm going to bring these stories up on Thanksgiving, my nephew is 17 now. We'll have a good laugh.

Answer 3

wow. this was so funny in person that im not sure if print could properly conevy how awesome this was!

i work at chik-fil-a. the food there is awesome, but it's kind of expensive.

i was taking drive thru orders when an ausrailian man pulls up. he had the full accent and everything. all while i was taking his order, i kept imagining crocodile dundee or something.

at the end of each order, im supposed to repeat back the order and say the total. so after i tell him the price, a whopping $5.19, the man goes, "crikey!" really loud! i almost peed, it was so great!

this man was really something. he pulls up to the pick-up window in one of those open jeep wranglers, you know, the ones with no roof or anything, wearing khakis and listening to jungle noises. i kid you not, the man had "songs of the wild" blasting out his stereo!

minimum wage can be fun!

Answer 4

When my brothers and I were young, (6, 4 and 2) my father used to listen to the news at dinner. So we heard about Pearl Harbor Day, and how the Japenese had bombed us. Being young, we did not understand that this was in the past, and we decided we needed to do something. I will never forget the look on my mother's face when she asked us about the box that was taped shut by the mailbox labeled "To Japan". We had filled it with our farts.

Answer 5

in the previous we've been given married my spouse to be grew to become into residing in a duplex. We made wild monkey intercourse one night and in the morning have been leaving to get breakfast and the neighbor comes out and comments on the subject of the noise final night complaining in specific on the subject of the headboard banging against the wall. With a at as quickly as face I reported "we don't have a head board, that grew to become into her head." thought she grew to become into going to shoot me suited there.

Answer 6

I was riding in a car with my wife's cousin the other day, and for some reason we were talking about love. I told her "well, I love you!" and she looked back at me over the seat and, from some movie I haven't seen, she quotes "Awkward!" in the cutest little sing song voice. Caught off guard, I replied..."I love you in the same way your mom does." She replies "Still a little awkard!"