Should I go to the police?

Question

My mother is seeing a man,that I dislike. He makes crude comments towards me like'how much tissue do you use for your bra?' He makes me feel uncomfortable when he is around. My mom doesn't say anything to him about his actions. She only laughs and goes along with it. I know that if I go to the police about him ,my mom will not take my side. I'm scared what will happen if I say something. My mom recently got us back from foster care,so I am scared that I will have to go back...What do I do??

I am 14 years old and he talks about my butt too. He even told my 10 year old sister that he was going to marry one day.

Answer 1

better off away from your irresponsible mother.

Answer 2

Sometimes parents arent always in the right space to be parents, and they chose men over their children. Sometimes the men they chose are bad choices for their children. You have a right to be safe physically and emotionally. I know you love your mother and missed her while in foster care. Foster parents dont always make good parents either, but you deserve saftey and so does your sister. You came back to mother after foster care, but it sounds like your home wasnt fixed. Your mother wasnt honest with her caseworker or with you. Sweetie what that man is saying to you is WRONG. He is seeing what he can get away with a little bit at a time, eventually leading up to something terrible. It is a very good chance that you wont go back to foster care. A child welfare agency can get the courts involved to make him move away from you and your sister. Your mother needs help and you may be the only one who sees that, by you telling a social worker they can get your family safe. If you call the police they can also call a children services agency. This man might have a history of hurting young children, that you and your mom dont know. If he does then he will be investigated. At the very least, this will make him uncomfortable enough to go away. Call the police and they will get the ball rolling. Be safe and smart.

Answer 3

hello if this man makes you feel this uncomfortable and he makes these remarks and your mom laughs maybe he is teasing and you should hav a real conversation with your mom when he is not in hearing range if hes touched you or your sister then you should tell your mom first and if she does nothing then go to school and say something if you love your mother and she fought to get you home then she will respect you and your sister enoughp to protect you all in the long run and if he has touched you then you really should tell her and like i said before if she does nothing then you tell some one else but give her the chance to stand up for you two first she is the only mother you will ever have and only they can give you what no one else can a mothers love the bond that mothers have with their children is forever a man's love isn't if he is hurting you she should understand if she dont then you stand up and say something to some one if he hurt you and not your sister if you dont say something if she does nothing then he will keep hurtting children and you may have the power to stop him if he hasnt hurt you or your sister then take action talk to your mom you wont regret it at least you will know where you stand

Answer 4

You need to tell a trusted adult what is going on. He should not be talking to you or your younger sister this way. It is very inappropriate. And it's good that you are aware of that. Your mother should know better than to let him talk like that to you. If any grown up ever says comments like that-making you feel uncomfortable, then it is wrong. Remember that. But try to stay away from him. Call child protective services if you have to. At least you and your sister will be in a foster home together where men aren't making lewd comments to you. I'm sorry about your situation. Good luck to you dear. Take care.

Answer 5

why is your mom going along with it??? your mom should be the one telling him to back off. maybe your mom doesn't want to lose him so she accepts what he says. anyways, you and your sister should talk to your mom alone and explain to her how both of you feel. maybe then she'll realize that he has got to stop. i don't think the police can really do anything unless your sister also testifies. if he makes crude comments later it may become worse. he may try to touch you or something. tell your mom if he doesn't stop then you'll go back to foster care. maybe then she'll ask him to stop. if these don't work then talk to a counselor on the necessary actions to take. good luck!!!

Answer 6

Hmmmmmmmmm. Speaking as a 40 year old man, I can say this. Some times men, especialy older men feel very uncomfortable around young ladies and a lot of times they joke around trying to ease the tension. However, some men say things that they think are amussing and funny but do not realize that what they have said is not funny at all. Most times they mean no actual harm and do not realize that this kind of joking around makes you feel very uncomforable. All men should know not to joke around with certian subjects pertaining to a young ladies anatomy, however not all men do, Some men have a rude sense of humor.
If you are not comfortable with this kind of joking then nicely tell him that you are not comfortable with this behavour and ask that he please stop. If this does not work then just avoid him whenever possible. If he has not pysicaly touched you or said anything to you of a sexual nature then reporting him will do little or no good. However it would bring a social worker to your home to investigate which may or may not cause more harm than good. I suggest that before you do anything, you sit down and have a long talk with your mother and explain to her how you feel.

Answer 7

Talk to your mom now! Tell her you are uncomfortable around him, tell her you are uncomfortable about him talking about your body parts, tell her you are afraid you will end up back in foster care and you don't want to go. Tell her she can do better. Tell her it's not worth the risk of you ending up back in foster care. Tell her you and your sister just need her to do this for 8 more years, they will fly by and then she can have whatever crude-talking loser she wants.
Also, when this jerk starts saying things like that TELL HIM, very politely, "_______ when you make comments about my body parts it makes me very uncomfortable."
If he lays a finger on you, tell your mom and tell her if she doesn't get rid of him you will call the police. (only use this after he lays a finger on you.)

Answer 8

The fact that your mother "laughs and goes along with his comments" tells me that she is unfit to care for her children. For whatever reason she feels like she needs a man in her life, regaurdless of the consequences to her children. If she laughs and doesn't say or do anything about his comments to you than he knows that she won't stand up for you. This is a very bad situation for you and your sister. Whether or not she realizes it she just opened up a door for her children to be sexually abused. He will most likely victimize both of you. You need to talk to a teacher or school counselor about what is going on. Yes, you will most likely end up back in Foster Care, but it would be better than being molested or raped by your mother's pedofile boyfriend. Please think of yourself and your sister. Since he told your sister that he is going to marry you one day he has already made it clear that he is sexually interested in you. It is very obvious that your mother will not protect her children like she should so now that responsibility has fallen to you. My sister and I were sexually abused as children for many years and also lived in Foster Homes so I know what you are going through. I am now 42 and have a daughter of my own and I know that if anyone ever said those things to her I would immediately report him to the police and have him arrested. Please take me seriously on this. Also, if you have a brother he could also be in danger. If "Mom's boyfriend" also happens to like boys he will sodomize him and if he doesn't like boys he will most likely beat him . Please e-mail me and let me help you. I will be praying for you and your siblings.

Answer 9

See your school counselor *immediately*. She is one of the people who will really listen and really help you. Then talk to your mom about it...Or arrange a meeting with both. If you feel it is necessary and if this outrageous behavior goes on, call the police first chance you get. 80% of child molestations happen at the hands of someone close to the family, someone you know, someone you can't fight. I think he's made sexual remarks to both you and your younger sister, and I think he's doing other things or thinking of doing other things that you're unaware of. I know you're frightened to say anything because your mom won't support you, but remember, this is what happens to most molested children and teens, and you will find your counselor, the police, friends, and social services very helpful and caring, and you will get the support you need. Also remember that we're talking about behavior that could cause a very serious and damaging crime, anywhere from soliciting a minor to statutory rape to child sexual abuse. You can't let any of these things happen to you.

There are also several hotlines you can call and they're listed at http://girlhealth.org/molestation/facts.html

Child and Adolescent Sexual Abuse Resource center (CASARC)

Address: 995 Potrero Avenue, Building 80, 2nd Floor, Room #239, San Francisco, CA 94110

Phone: [phone] (24 hour hotline and office)

Contact Person: Beatrice

You can get Information from this page: http://www.supportforfamilies.org/resourceguide/child_abuse_prevention.html

MUNI Buslines: 9 San Bruno, 33 Stanyan, 48 Quintara, or the 292 Sam Trans

Languages Spoken: Spanish, English

CASARC is a 24 hour, 7 days a week crisis hotline and office. It is a child sexual abuse resource center. It also has nursing components, exams for children, therapy, and it works with the police as well. If you need their help, you can walk in anytime between the hours of 8am and 5pm. They will do their best to help you out with your situation.

Calico Center

Address: 524 Estudillo Avenue, San Leandro, CA 94577

Phone: [phone]

Neighborhood/Area agency: Downtown San Leandro

AC Transit Buslines: 41 L, 80

Languages They Speak: English, Spanish, but with arrangement, any language is available

Hours: APPOINTMENTS ONLY

Calico Center provides many services. They interview the person who has been abused physically, sexually, or neglected, then they coordinate other services that can help the participant with their problems. For instance, they can connect them with the child services protection team, the police, and whatever else they think is needed in order for them to feel safe and taken care of.

Hotlines

24 hour Reporting Hotline: [phone] or [phone]

It is very important that young woman have access to this hotline because if they are sexually abused, being neglected, or sexually assaulted, they need to know that this is a place where they can call and report the incident.

Peer Counseling Youth Hotline: [phone]

It is very important for young woman to have access to this hotline because the administrative team working for this hotline is made up of teenagers. This is good because the young woman calling might be more comfortable talking to someone around their own age, and they will also try their best to help you with the situation you are in.

Please keep talking to us so we can help you as best we know how. Please consider all of this information and take very good care of yourself and do anything, however extreme it may seem to you, to ensure your own safety. God Bless.

Answer 10

Trust your instincts ..... if your uncomfortable. Speak with the case worker you had in Foster Care ... that person is in a better position to help you with what you described... if the man persists on giving you unwanted attention or forces a physical presence ... like trying to corner you ... get you away in a room by your self ...call the cops.

It takes a liscence to drive a car,
it takes a liscence to be a doctor,
It takes a liscence for a lot of things ... unfortunitly parenting isn't one .....

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders ... use it ...even if Mom isn't using hers .....

Sounds like she is wrapped up in auditioning for a new man and not watching out for your best interests ......
Just Be safe......

All the rest will work it self out later.

Be Safe !

Answer 11

Princess you deserve to be safe. And if your Mother will not take proper care of your safety then you need to be with another relative. Tell someone, tell the social worker, your teacher. The point here is tell someone. That is inappropriate behavior for this man to say things and make you feel this way. Tell your Mother that this is no joke and stop encouraging this guy. Your more important than some guy she is trying to go out with. So don't be scared to say anything it is important that you feel safe where your living, especially with your own Mother. I mean that. So take care of yourself because by the sounds of it no one else will.