After 32 years, my two sisters and my brother and I found my dad. We have been talking on the phone weekly. I have two more sisters, the same age as my sons, which is weird!! My dad also has 3 step daughters. In three weeks he is coming to see us, and one of his step daughters want to go with him, incase we say something to him. I , of course said No, it wasn't her place. My dad would call us all weekly, but lately, he is only calling my brother, My brother never knew him, he was only 2 when my dad left. I feel like we were replaced with his 3 step daughters, He has never asked about our children or ourselves, but he talks about his other daughters all the time. I think we should of just let him stay gone, I know his wife, says she likes us, but I think there might be some insecurities there, we just wanted to find him, just to let him know that we didn't hate him, we still loved him. It's like they think we want something, What would you do??
2006-11-18 16:30:05 · 8 answers · asked by Jen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know this is a hard situation...my biological Dad left when I was 2 yrs old. I'm now 32 and have never seen or heard from him. Maybe your Dad is just more comfortable talking about the 3 stepdaughters because he knows them better and it's something to talk about to keep the conversation going. You've come this far, I'd probably go ahead and meet him while I had the chance. Then at least you've satisfied your curiosity and met him and then you can maybe put it to rest. You never know, it may turn out better than expected. I say go for it...you never have to see him again if you don't want to.Also, next time you talk to him tell him that you have some great kids and tell some stories about each of them.
2006-11-18 23:04:26 · answer #1 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel like you were replaced by your stepsisters. They probably fear you will replace them. He has 8 daughters and one son. He doesn't know his son. It is only natural that he would want to get to know him.
I am going through a reunification now myself. I just found my daughter after 12 years absence. We met for the first time the day before yesterday, there is so much ground to cover!
We have family members who are bummed out because they haven't had a chance to talk to her yet, but it is a lot to digest and there is so much to talk about and to hear about. Then there are so many feelings about things revealed or seen in a new light.
With you saying what is whose place and what isn't, it only adds to the problems. If you want to show your dad you still love him let him bring who wants. Your step sister (you can choose to make her YOUR step sister or HIS step daughter) sounds like she loves him and wants to be there for him. That is really a good sign that you have found someone worth finding.
Love one another. Be thankful you found him above ground. 32 years is a long time.
2006-11-18 17:31:05 · answer #2 · answered by RainbowSeer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how difficult this situation is because I found my brother and sister after 30 years, they didnt even know that I or my sister existed. My Mother is theirs also.
When they called to meet my Mom, I went with her to the first meeting........30 years that I already had her as a mother and 30 years that they didn't.
I went along because I wanted to meet my siblings, but also for my Mothers emotional support. You know there were lots of questions to be answered.
Maybe your just viewing all of this in the wrong light.
Of course he talks of his other children all of the time, he has spent the last 32 years being there for them.
I'm sure that he feels somewhat insecure in meeting all of you and maybe he feels more of an attatchment to your brother because he was so young, or maybe because he has 6 daughters and 1 son. At this point in his life I'm sure it will be his only son.
As for the feeling that they may think that you just want something, that is probably just the way they are coming off to you. Did they know about you and your siblings? This is going to open alot of emotions, and I'm sure that everyone from both sides are going to have differant feelings from each individual.
I say to keep an open mind when re-uniting with your Father.
He left before, and theres a possibility that he may again, or that he may keep more contact with your brother.
Who cares if his daughter tags along? Maybe she is just excited to meet her siblings. Maybe she is just a daddys girl, or she maybe going just for emotional support. At any rate, she is also his daughter.
I'm sure that you will have a happy reunion if you just calm down and keep an open mind and open heart. You could end up, like me, with the best friend you'll ever find, like I did with my big sister.
I'm sure that she dreaded to see me get out of that car with my mother. My first sight of her all I could think was that she was exactly like my mom, she gave my mom a huge hug, I didnt even get a second look. We spent the weekend at her house with her and my brother.
The communication of my mother and my brother and sister is almost nil, Sis says it's ok because she lived without her for 35 years, no big deal. I know her and my bro have hurt feelings by all of it, and I can't explain it.On the other hand, I keep in touch with both. I feel as if I have had them my whole life. I think they feel the same. My sister and I talk for hours and hours, I should add that we have a younger sister that did not go to the reunion and although they communicate, I feel that I have a much closer relationship, more like family.
I know not all reunions are wonderful, but keep your head up, your mind open, say the serenity prayer, take a deep breath and dive in. If you don't you will spend the rest of your life wondering... what if......
I wish you luck, you are in my prayers.
2006-11-18 17:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by midlifemommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't even allow him to bring one of his step daughter. Perhaps one of the reasons why your dad call your brother is because he has that freedom (since he was only 2 years old when he left).
I am not saying that he does not care about you or your sister. Things happen. He remarried, have 3 daughters. People who have kids love their kids.
I think he talk about his daughter because he grow up with them longer then any of you. He wants you to know them. By accepting them it means you accept him. If he is accepted he will accept you. It takes time fo things to patch up. It may take weeks, months but let it go naturally.
2006-11-18 16:41:22 · answer #4 · answered by Phillip 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds pretty selfish, like he wants you to know all about him and approve of him.......but if he's not interested in you, then you should consider letting him go. Ask to get together to meet, you need to find out things like medical history. Just because you meet doesn't mean you need a relationship. After you meet and have some info, your need to know him will calm down, that void will be filled and you will be able to move on.
2006-11-18 16:35:38 · answer #5 · answered by alwayslarat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say let him stay gone, you've went 32 years without him....you don't need him now. It sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and I commend you for having the heart to forgive him!!
2006-11-18 16:47:11 · answer #6 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You found him, Its time for him to be the man he should have been 32 years ago. If he can't do it alone, it's not worth it.. Especially since YOU had to find him... Different story if he found you..
2006-11-18 17:09:29 · answer #7 · answered by goin_truck_racin06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Letting him go.Good thing is,that you know your father.
2006-11-18 17:04:35 · answer #8 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋