I'm 20yrs & i have a boy friend who is 25 , we have been together for 3 yrs & we love each other very much but i wsa not allowed to have boy friend now suddenly my dad find out bout us & he ask me to marry with that guy & my boy friend agree, but the problem is i don't have good relation with my father now & he doesn't seem happy , even though we are not married yet but my dad hardley talk to me & he is very hurt & disappointed, Can any one tell me how to make our relation better coz i love him too.
2006-11-18 16:19:05 · 17 answers · asked by shazia s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Honey, your dad is disappointed because you started dating this guy when you were 17. You are talking marriage and you haven't gotten out of the gate yet. There is a whole world out there for you to see, live and experience. In other words, no matter how much you love this guy...this isn't the life daddy pictured for his little girl. Dad's are funny that way.
If you want to make it better, go and talk to dad...alone. Suck up your pride, admit your wrong doing and tell him that you have made mistakes that you aren't proud of, you have chosen to learn the hard way and that no matter what it is you chose to do, you need his support and guidance. Tell him that you miss him. Tell him that you love him and you need him in your life. Tell him that the strained relationship is killing you and you are willing to do what it takes to make it better. Do this with sincerity honey, and any dad would have a hard time keeping the wall up. He's hurt by this too hon, and the sooner you understand that, and maybe make some changes that give him reason to believe your situation is okay, the sooner things will go back to normal.
I wish you a happy outcome...your parents aren't going to be around forever and it's important to have them in your lives.
2006-11-18 16:28:17 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your dad comes from a culture and or generation where fathers are in control. He is not happy because you are from a new generation with ideas of your own. He is also going through change because his little girl has grown up and may be about to move away. People hate change, especially when it comes to customs, but the only thing you can count on in life is change.
Don't get married just because you think it will make your father happy. Only marry if this guy is the right one for you.
You can tell your dad that you love him and are sorry that your actions disappointed him. He will either get over it or he won't, and if he doesn't it will be his loss.
This is the 21st Century. Make yourself happy.
2006-11-18 16:32:47 · answer #2 · answered by chillsister 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dads are complicated people. They sometimes do not know how to show you how much they care. I think he was dissapointed because you dated without his consent, but you are 20 years old and this is 2006. Its normal to be dating at your age. I mean girla as youg as 14 are getting pregannt and having babies. All you did weas fall in love. Why should you be made to feel so guilty for that? I think you need to have a serious talk with your father(as hard as that may sound), tell him what you feel. Even if he doesnt respond positively at least you ill have gotten your feelings off your chest, and you will know that you tried to make the situation better. Remember that no matter what you have a guy that loves you and shows you love, something your father seems incapable of doing.
2006-11-18 16:23:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY AREN'T YOU ALLOWED TO DATE!? YOU ARE 20 YEARS OLD!!! calmly explain to your dad that you are now living in the 21st Century and you think it is extremely harsh for him to not allow you to date, but then expect you to get married! And maybe it would do you some good to talk to your mom about the distance you are feeling with your dad. Maybe she can speak to him about it on your behalf. I'm sorry to hear he is acting like that. But remember this is your life and you only get a chance to live it once, so make sure that you are not marrying your boyfriend just for your father's approval. Only Get married if it is what you want, and what your boyfriend wants, because if you get married to early, or when the time is not right, or for the wrong reasons. Then it will only cause you both heartache.
2006-11-18 16:30:52 · answer #4 · answered by cuteness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I take it you aren't a mainstream American. Depending on your culture, the response is in there. People typically who are taught to honor and respect men (fathers, later husbands) sort of end up in this situation.
Personally, if you love your boyfriend and he is good to you, merry him. Your father is probably just worried about your well being or purity. However, that doens't mean you have to merry your boyfriend if you really don't want to.
See, it is cultural. If you are mainstream, the response would be harsh towards your dad, along the line sof calling him controlling and mean. If you are from a different society, his desires for your life are norms and you are expected to follow them.
However, you are twenty, you can do what you please. Follow your bliss. Talk to your Dad, or talk to your Mom.
Maybe the marriage would cure it...but at the same time, the marriage should come at your own time....not his. It might set things off at the wrong foot and create another bad situation.
2006-11-18 16:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by Thera 9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would not marry just because your dad is not happy with you having a boyfriend and wants you to marry. Your dad may be afraid of loosing you and that is why he acts the way he does. You need to talk to him as an adult and find out what is going on.
2006-11-18 16:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by cherokee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love both persons - one your dad and your boyfriend. You did not mention why you dad is unhappy nor why he does not talk to you. Would you be able to find out why? Do you think it could because he loves you too and he may have to part wiith you should you get married to your boyfriend.
You di not mentioned anything about your mother. If she is around would you be able to get her to talk to him and ask him if the relationship could be mend? If not would you be able to make an appointment with your father at a 'time he could not refuse' - for example lunch or if you know he has no other appointment and tlak to him face to face. I am sure he would apppreciate fi you allow him time and space to talk. Be sure that there is some privacy in the place you choose otherwise he may not be able to express his emotion at his will.
2006-11-18 16:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by Phillip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for dads to let go of there little girls... is the guy going to be able to provide a good home for you ... there could be a lot of things worrying you dad... go toyour dad and tell him you want to know how he really feels... that way you can reassure him that things will be okay... one part I don't understand is you saying he is hurt... why... did something happen you not saying??? Is he hurt because he found out you had a BF... my god you 20yo... regardless of whether your dad cheers up or not... go on with your life... I am sure in time he'll get over it... make sure you BF proves to your dad that he can be a good huband...Goog luck!
2006-11-18 16:29:11 · answer #8 · answered by Sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are 20, so your dad should give you some room, why pressuring you to get married? you should do it when ever both of you fell like doing it. be kind and firm with your dad, tell him that you plan to do your life the best way possible and you expect support from him, that you love him and that you hope for him to get over the issue soon.
2006-11-18 16:26:08 · answer #9 · answered by HDC123 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No parent should force his girl to marry a man.
Have a talk with your dad and your boyfriend.
2006-11-18 20:05:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋