My freind thinks that im a good jokester.and I dont know any good jokes to tell at his comedy club!HELP!?

Question

OK I was telling my friend jokes and now at his birthday he wants me to tell all the people some jokes and I dont know any really good ones!

Answer 1

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".



Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!



Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.



Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters
the
girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
The boy's hand


Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag

Answer 2

some basic rules of comedy: 1. never tell a joke sitting down. 2. when applicable always say "this guy" not this man or a man 3. when a joke sucks try this to recover(only if youre bold enough: look at your audience for a moment, then stick a finger up your nose(you can simulate if you desire) dig around for a moment or two, pull it out, study it for a moment then say "so youre saying I'M not funny. about 75% of the time this will make them laugh.
ok here is your joke. 2 tv antennae got married. the ceremony sucked but the reception was excellent.

Answer 3

The best jokes are the ones made about people and their daily lives. Stuff that people can relate to that they themselves do and so their reactions are like oh my god that is so true, then they'll start laughing. I insist you watch like comedy central, if you notice all the comediens joke about people and their lives. that's how they make them laugh, and that my friend will do the trick!

Answer 4

did you hear about that girl that got shot by a cop at the (closest)gas station?yea she was pumping gas with a cigarette in her hand when some sprayed out and caught her arm on fire, she went running toward the cop, he pull out his gun and shot her, later he was asked why, he said she was coming at him with a firearm. say it seriously like it really happened it's a good starter joke

Answer 5

You ask the audience "will you remember me in a week?"

Audience: Yes

You: "will you remember me in a month?"

Audience: Yes

You: "will you remember me in a year??"

Audience: Yes

You: "knock, Knock"

Audience: "whose there?"

you: "see YOU FORGOT ME ALREADY!!!"

That would be a great joke right after your introduce yourself!

Good luck :)