relationship question- serious answers only?

Question

I was in a verbally abusive realtionship for a few years. A friend, by just being himself, helped me realize how special I am and helped me get to a better place in my life. I am now single and it has been 1 month. He wants to give me space and I can't stop thiking about him. We talk less now than before and I really miss him. I don't want to push it, but, I am almost 30 and I feel a way for him that I have never felt for anyone before. He has said the same to me, but not lately. He has been uncomfortably quiet lately. Any advice? I know he cares about me but why is he being so distant NOW?

OK, we have been sexual with each other. I have asked him why he has been so distant and his response is "I need time and you need time." However, I don't want to rush into things and I have been very clear about that.. just want to talk to him and see him the same as before which was more than now.

Answer 1

He knows that you do not need to be in a relationship now. Some people are sent to us by SPIRIT to help us find our way. One month is not enough time. I am 50 and I found a love for me. So you are 30...so what.? You need time. He may be a good friend, but not relationship material for you. Have fun. Life is not that serious. Go places, do things, find out who you are first and what you want in a relationship. Write down your needs and desire. Do not forget...that really helps. You are a very fragile spirit and you need some time for yourself. Stop obsessing about men and obsess about yourself. You come first. Love you.

Answer 2

He's right. You definitely need time. It sounds like he loves you, but he doesn't want to come off as looking like an opportunist. Plus, he realizes that you need to start loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin, before you are ready for another serious relationship.

I don't know you, but I think that you could be one of those women who always need a man. If that's the case then you may need sometime to grow as a person.

If you that's not the case, you still need to wait. Remember, it's only been ONE month. Women usually need about six months to recover from serious relationships.

You need to focus on being a good friend. You should wait another five months and then consider making your move. And when you do, you shouldn't try anything desperate such as seducing him. Just have dinner together and talk about all of this stuff.

Answer 3

Its only been a month- like you said hes giving you, your space. So take it - you don't want to make a move to soon. you may have these feeling because at the time he was your savior so to speak.Right now you feel an emotional attachment that's understandable- but give yourself time to get things back in prospective. You don't want to thank the friend that helped you out of a bad situation with a break up with him, because you ran into a relationship with him to fast. If it is meant to be it will happen naturally don't rush it.

Answer 4

You seem like a great young lady and I was in a verbally abusive relationship. I'm happy you found someone that made you feel special like you are. But you know, if your going to live with him and maybe marry him you have to build a foundation. Part of this is communication. You nor I can get in his mind. If you care for him as he does you, talk to him. Build the communication and trust now before anything serious begins.

Answer 5

ok you asked in case you will possibly desire to placed your foot down and say you're actually not. no longer what? You lost me at that element. yet besides, i do no longer prefer to sound to forward yet what's the push? If that's meant to be then enable it ensue the way it would. Did you rush into your first marriage? what's the super circle you're bearing on? i'm able to wager that once sixteen months something is going very precise with the aid of fact the two certainly one of you're nevertheless mutually. confer with him approximately your concerns yet regardless of you do do no longer make him experience as though he's being forced to make a variety in the different case you will possibly desire to lose him for stable. As you have suggested that's a universal for him and you have been there executed that so only enable him come around in his very own time in case you adore him sufficient to try this. only think of of the kind you will experience if the situation have been reversed and be hassle-free. I wish you each and every of the fulfillment on your relationship.

Answer 6

From some experience, it is never healthy to rush into a relationship, as I'm sure you know. Because you feel you are getting older, you feel an insatiable urge to find someone, but the answer is never to rush.
Tell your friend that you would like to spend more time with him. Tell him you would love for your friendship to grow, and that you would love to try, slowly, to create a long-term relationship. But he knows, from what you tell me, that the healthiest thing for you to do right now is to let you find yourself.
So find the happy medium. Spend time with him as friends. Go out and casually date him. Wait for a while, and make sure that you want him as your only one, because true friends are hard to find, and you would never want to jeapordize a true relationship like that.
So my advice to you is:
Take your time
Find yourself, what you really want
Make sure he is the one
And then make your final move to win him over for good.

In the end, you will be much happier that you took the time to do it right...good things come with time, and if you have waited 30 years, what is another year for the right man?

I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 7

Are you talking about your friend? If so, it may be that he just wanted to help you out of a bad situation, but not become the crutch you used the rest of your life.
That he helped you when you needed it was indeed special.
Now, you have to have the faith in yourself to move on in life, maturing and not letting yourself fall into the same trap again.
Evidently, you were someone special that deserved rescuing.
Don't let him, or yourself down. Keep the lines of communication open, but look for other things to do.

Answer 8

Okay, you are almost 30 right? Just tell him exactly how you feel and ask him how he feels. What's the worst that can happen? He doesn't feel the same way so you look for someone new. Otherwise you continue to wonder. After you read this you should be on the phone calling him and telling him exactly how you feel. We guys are not mind readers even though some girls would like for us to be able to read their minds. Please don't think I'm being sarcastic; I am just saying that I have great respect for people that just go for it and tell people how they feel. Good luck.

Answer 9

It could be so many reasons why he is keeping his distance. Have you asked him??? And after being in a verbal relationship is so hard to get over. I have been in one and I still am pissed. But to each it's own, You may have handle yours way better. To most guys, when they know a girl have been in any kind of abusive relationship they tend to back off. Due to the fact of so many insecurities the woman may have.

Please talk to him and let him know how you feel. If it's time he needs then give it. You as well need your time to rediscover yourself. Good luck to you!!

Answer 10

Get therapy to understand why you stayed in an abusive relationship. Don't look at him as your rebound rescuer. You need to sort yourself out before starting with a new man. It's only been 30 days- this is much to soon and he knows it.