my 7yr old gets in trouble in school for pouting and talking and not paying attention what to do?

Question

At home and around family she acts likes like the sweetest girl she will do her homework quietly and we really dont have any porblems with her and she gets along with her siblings so she has some one to play with at home and to talk to, but at school she acts completly different and her father and myself have tried talking to her and she would tell us she was sorry and she wouldn't do it again, but that very next week we would get another letter from her regular teacher and her reading teacher we have started taking away the things that she holds dear to show her if she keeps acting up she will keep loseing privilges. She's a little to old for a spanking but occationally she still gets one depending what she has done. We just dont know what else to do we have tried talking to her teacher and her and nothing. She continues the behavior I'm a little nerves On Tuesday I have the parent teacher confrerence and I tired of hearing negitive things I would love to hear that she is doing good.

If you have any advice please share it with me.

she gets in trouble for talking to much with her friends and paying attentions when the teacher is talking she would rather talk

she doesn't get her priviliges back until she proves that she deserves it. And she does get rewarded when she does right.

Answer 1

Wait, wait. I have been down the same road. Please Learn from my mistakes. I stopped spanking my oldest daughter after the age of 6 or so. At that age she also was the sweetest thing on earth. I thought fewwww spankings were done, that wasn't so bad. again 6 and 7 were great, 8 started getting a little tough. She also would get in trouble in school, or do little things that would just add up. She then stopped listening to us, you tell her "no" she would go that extra step, do it one more time. Then wham, she started lying, talking back, throw fits/tantrums, yelling at us, never doing what was asked of her, it was endless and hopeless.

In thinking she was 8 and to old for spankings we tried everything else possible. Time outs, long time outs, taking away bikes, no friends, no TV, even canceled a birthday party she was to attend because she got another one of those bad notes via school. One day, she decided she would go for a little bike ride, and not tell us. I thought she was playing in our back yard, and I got a phone call from a friend about 3 blocks away, asking if I knew that my daughter was riding her bike around the park by herself. I was floored, I couldn't believe it.

I jumped in our truck, flew down to the park. With fire in my eyes, ordered my oldest into the truck. When we got home she I told her to go up to her room until I decided on a punishment. After a long talk with my husband (her dad) who was at work, we decided she was to be given a spanking, and that this was the final straw and that spankings would return as a form of punishment for her. She had put her life in danger, and we couldn't let that happen again. I went up to her room, explained that I had talked to her dad, and that we decided on a punishment, her eyes got huge, she to thought she was home free when it came to spankings.Not so she learned. I bared her hiney, put her over my lap and spanked her for a good long time, longer then ever before, because of it being a life threatening situation.

My husband and I then came up with a "CORE RULES" list. We did this with both of our older daughters, (5, and 8 @ the time) They even helped come up most of them. This is kind of how it looks

1. No Lying
2. No Bad Behavior reports from teacher/school, grand parents, babysitters......anyone responsible for my child when I am not around (which isn't often, since I don't work)
3. No steeling
4. No saying bad words

This isn't all of them, but this is how our list started, we then added as they tried new things. If our older two girls break any of these rules, they earn a spanking, when they do, they sit in their room and think about it for a while, we then bring in the list, and ask them if they broke any of the core rules. They have always said "Yes" and we make them read out which one was broken. They already know what the punishment is so there is no question about what will happen. We spank them, then have a long talk, about better ways to behave. Lots of hugs and kisses, and they are on their way. It took a good 2 to 3 months of a lot of spankings, for my oldest to come around. She has been 10 for 2 months, with almost zero behavior problems. To say the least, we are very happy parents. I will no longer put a age limit on spanking, maybe 12 or 13. Gosh I hope not, that old, but I know better now, if it's needed I will do it.

As for the spanking, If you don't make is a bad experience don't bother doing them. I would say make sure to pull down pants and panties, place them over your laps, and give them at least a dozen or more good sharp stinging spanks to the bottom. It's OK for children to be crying hard after a good spanking, that's the way it's suppose to be.


Sorry to bore you with our stories, but the mistake we made, that I am trying to advise you not to is - 7 is not to old for a spanking, heck if my 10 year old breaks one of the rules tomorrow, a spanking she will get. same as 11,12,13. Stay tuff, hang in there. You will do just fine.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Have you sat in on a session at school? Parents can ask permission and you sit in the back of the classroom. You can observe the teacher and your child interacting. You learn a lot about the situation that way.
Of course you will have go more than once.. try going for at least the morning session and another week an afternoon one. Do not tell your child you will be going, otherwise she will be on best behavior then. Sometimes its just the teacher and student having a personality clash, sometimes another child is doing something to her. Your going to the parent teacher conference on Tuesday. so tell the teacher what you want to do. If for any reason she refuses go straight to the principal and talk to them. Observing your child in a classroom situation is your right don't let anyone tell you its not done.

Answer 3

I used to love going to parent teacher conference until my son was in 3rd grade and he started showing some negative behavior. I tried everything I could think of and did everything the school suggested. It seemed nothing helped. I too wanted to hear something good. Have you tried a reward system for good behavior? Sometimes this will help get your child on the right track. If they know there is a reward versus punishment, they will usually work toward the reward.

Answer 4

If you take away all of her privileges "until she straightens up," chances are she won't straighten up. At her age, she can't really grasp that far into the future. She's seeing it as a never-ending punishment, so it's not going to motivate her to change. I've seen this very thing with one of my students. For every consequence he receives at school, his parents ground him for an entire week. On my behavior system, one consequence is a warning, but in his home, it's a week's worth of grounding! One bad week set him back for over a month, so he felt like it was pointless to try to change. Try to use a form of punishment/reward that coincides with the consequences she receives from school. If she pulls strips or changes colors or whatever, take away a privilege for every time a strip is pulled...for that day. If she has a great week and only gets in trouble once (or not at all), reward her. You said it's frustrating to only hear negative things from the teacher. Imagine how your daughter feels. Focus on the positive, but punish the negative.

One thing to keep in mind too is that things may get better after Christmas. I can't speak for 7 year olds, but I know 8 year olds going on 9 change quite a bit over that Christmas break. They come back to school with way more maturity than they started out with at the beginning of the year. The transformation is an interesting one. It may take your daughter half a year to get into the groove of things. It sucks, and you SHOULD be frustrated and upset with her, but she may straighten up soon.

Best wishes! I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like you've tried everything and nothing seems to work.

Answer 5

7 year olds are painful. Where did she learn to pout? Often the things our kids do are what we do - they just don't accept it at school. I should have thought the teacher would move her away from her friends in class, if she sits alone she can't talk. She will soon learn to be quiet in class. I would also tell her she can have social time in lunch break and after school but if she doesn't learn she will be staying down and her friends will be on to the next grade.
Also keep in mind if she is bright and doing well with school work that she may be bored. Then it is up to the teacher to extend and engage her in the class room.

Answer 6

I agree with taking things away -- start with her favorite things. Even TV or game time. Playdates too. No playdates until I get a good report. Etc. Ask the teacher for a daily report. Then she can lose of gain priviledges based on that.

Talk to her. Tell her she can tell you anything....don't judge or get too upset even tho you are frustrated. And, make sure there is nothing going on with the reading teacher that is causing your daughter to feel frustrated and act out. Maybe she needs some reading tutoring.

Answer 7

Sounds like maybe something is bothering her at school or scaring her there. You could talk to her in a non-judgmental way about the way she has been behaving and ask her if there is something that is bothering her. Ask her how she feels about the other kids - is one bothering her? Is she showing off for someone? Ask the teacher if she is the only kid acting that way or is she in a group of kids who act out. Breaking them up might be helpful in that case.

Also, give her a chance to come up with a solution for acting out. What is happening that makes her feeling like pouting or talking over the teacher? Ask her what she could do instead when that situation comes up.

Answer 8

Stop hitting her. That isn't going to fix the problem, only teach her that when she get's frustrated it is ok to resort to violence. So is THAT what you want her to start doing in school on top of everything else? The problem is that what you keep taking away are not priveliges. If she has gotten them without earning them they are NOT priveleges. So you take something away that you gave just because you wanted to give and now you want to take them away? I have never been able to understand that concept. A child says "I want", the parent complies then when the child mis behaves the parent takes that which was given (basically what used to be termed an "Indian giver"). I never had that many problems with my daughter because right from the beginning we set rules. She had to EARN the things she enjoyed such as television time, videos, games etc. The way she earned them was by behaving. I never had to ground her, never had to take anything away because if she didn't behave she didn't get them. I also never had to resort to hitting my daughter and I to this day don't understand why a parent would want to teach their child to be violent...usually these are the same parents that gripe about violence in the media...

Answer 9

I agree with the advice to stop hitting. There's never a good age for it - it only takes out the parents' frustration and doesn't teach the child self-discipline, which is the whole and only point, after all.

I think school is failing most kids, is a stupid and lousy and non-productive way to spend the day. I think school is damaging a lot of kids.

The healthy kids are the ones who say - this place is sick, this system is sick, i don't want to play their games, i don't want to go along with this collosal waste of time and insult to my intellect.

Homeschool her, unschool her, and let her detox from it all first. She deserves so much more than to have these teachers poking around in her psyche and putting her down when they are the ones who can't put together an interesting and relevant class.

Answer 10

this is how i was in school. i ended up being voted "class clown" and "funniest."

you need to enroll her in drama-like activities, you know what i mean? something that allows her to show off her natural talent. shes probably more concerned with making her friends laugh than she is to pay attention to the teacher. maybe a play acting group, or a local thater troupe. something to focus her scattered attentions.

and have you asked her WHY shes doing this?