how to discipline a 21 month old toddler girl?

Question

For example if she throws tantrums to change her diaper... almost every time, or refuses to hold my hand and listen to me to get out of the road when we go for walks? Some things can be potentially fatal, but she is stubborn and wants to do it her way. I need an immediate show of obedience from her at times, how can i teach her to understand that some things are urgent and i need her to obey immediately?

Answer 1

Hi

I have 3 children ages 4, 2 and 1 and have learned that yelling and smacking gets you nowhere, it only deminishes you.

I now have a naughty stair, where the child has to sit when they are naughty, I will go down to the childs level explain what they have done and the implications of this, they they will stay there for 1 minute for each year of their age (a timer is good for this so they know that the time will be up) then they can think about what they have done and when the time is up they will apologise to whoever they need to. If they continue to be naughty then you need to be consistant and continue to do this. If my children are still naughty after dinner I warn them that they will go to bed early if it continues ... and then I stick to my words.
A naughty chair or naughty spot on the carpet works just as well, but it needs to be somewhere a little boring.

as for outside your daughter is still old enough to go in a buggy or pushchair, and a wrist strap or reigns are a good idea for walks in the park etc. too. My 2 year old son is a runner and will bolt as soon as you turn your back (laughing as he is running away). Once he knows the buggy is there for him to go in, he will usually walk holding on to me (i still use a wrist strap just in case though).

Children are not all the same, each of my 3 have different temperments and different understandings of danger, and sometimes this kind of restraint is essential for their safety and your sanity, understanding of danger will come in time - you cannot beat the terrible twos, you just have to ride them out.

I found toddler groups helpful run by my local church, the children can safely run around, expending energy while you can find out that most other mums are in the same boat. The main thing is to create rules, and use a reward system when your daughter is being good (even saying well done and a kiss) and warn her what will happen if she continues to misbehave (naughty step, go in a buggy) then make sure you stick to what you say.

Hope that this helps

Answer 2

You will need to start at home. First, tell her that sh needs to listen to you. Pick your battlea and don't make everything a big issue. let her pick what she wants to wear or eat, things like that or give choices is better. Then when it gets to big things like getting ready to get out the door or something and she starts..tell her, in her face on her level and don't yell, just talk and tell her why you are doing this and she has to do it because. Explain it to her very clearly and ask her to please do this or sh will not be doing what she wants to do when you get back. This is a warning..tell her that. The next time you will not get to play or whatever it is she usually does when you get back if she doesn't listen. Then, if she doesn't listen do what you have to to get where you need to go and do not let her do whatever. I mean, make it clear as can be why and get on her level and explain it and ytell her the rules have changed. After the warning ...she is loosing. Start with the thing she wants or likes most, then go from there. But, the real key is making it stick, don't give in, let her throw a fit and cry and scream. It may take a while but do it, every time and don't threaten unless you mean to do it. She will learn...it's got to be done. Pick your battles and make sure the issue is not trivia, but important enough that it warrants immediate attention and the loss of something. Then reward her. When she listens give her stickers or tell her if she gets along well for a day she gets a sticker and after she gets 3 stickers she gets an ice cream...or whatever. Or earns a toy back. You can even spend time making a chart to hang up. Buy cheap stickers and make it a big deal to behave and listen and it will work if you are consistent and make it through the first few weeks. She will need thid time to get the picture...if you miss it once, you will loose...2 yr. olds are very smart and very wise at getting their way. So, good luck. I hope you are getting on better soon.

Answer 3

ok i would take the buggy when you go for walks and if she refuses to listen make it clear she can no longer walk like the big girl she is and she will have to be a baby and go in the buggy. with the changing of the diaper i would get up and walk away when she kicks off, give her no attention until she calms and then say "shall we start again"? firmly, keep doing this until she realises this stubborness will get her no where. all shes doing at this age is testing your boundaries, make it clear you have the final word. I find a good time out works, shes nearly 2 so put her out of site, make it clear why she is there and walk away, leave her for 2 mins and then go back say she made you cross and if she continues she will have to sit again on her own, make her apologise. if you have never tried this before it may take her a while to understand the sitting alone part, just keep returning her and restarting the timer. good luck xxx

Answer 4

Hi! okay lets get started:
First of all you have to put yourself in her position, shes two so for her things are black and white and simple ex: she wants a sweet
she thinks to herself : sweet,i want the sweet .so she will probably ask you and you say no. So as she does everytime she will kick off and scream ans shout at the top of her voice, because you dont want to be shown up you hand it over. But shes won . So next time she knows that if you say no she screams and gets it. But children THRIVE AND CRAVE attention while shes screaming she gets exactly what she wants: attention and sweets.
So next time she wants something you say no and tell her why for example: you wont eat your tea if you have that , or you had one this morning , its too early ect.
She will scream and it will be embarassing but if you grip her (not too hard but so she knows you mean business) IGNORE HER AS IF YOU DONT CARE , then if she starts to drag on the floor make sure you have a push chair handy and force her in. It will be embarassing but every mother has been through this.

If you are at home then introduce the naughty corner: when shes naughty she sits somewhere out of site of you and boring.

There are so many ways of dealing with this and you arent the only one!







If this doesnt help the try the good girl chart when shes good and excepts something she gets a sticker on her chart when she gets ten stickers she gets a special treat ( a small toy a favourite chocolate ect.)
good luck! hope this helps! xxxxx

Answer 5

sorry chick but she's nearly 2years old - they dont understand the concept of 'responsibility', 'obedience', 'time', 'urgency', etc!!! What i do with my 2 and half year old is stop doing everything at the point of tantrum/disobeying, and kneel down in front of her and hold her hands and calmly say to her that 'its very dangerous to not hold hands on the road' or 'mommy needs Lena to be the best girl and help me carry dolly and the shopping' etc etc all that kinda stuff! I dont 'baby talk' her or smack her...she's 2 for christsake!
As for the nappy changing i just tickle her when she's laying down & distract her before starting by joking around & then make a face at a smelly nappy and make fun out of the situation and before u know it she's changed and happy again!
The 'step' is also working out for me quite well too...when she's bold at home i calmly bring her over to the bottom stair and sit her down and kneel in front of her and explain short and sweet why she's there and tell her she has to stay there until she's a good girl...and she cries her heart out over it every time but she stays for 2 and half minutes and i go to her then and kneel down to her level and we have a wee chat about saying sorry and a kiss and hug....
Now i know this is time consuming sometimes and in public places u might think it wont work - but i put her on a step in tescos for the 1st time the other day and stood a step away from her watching her cry cry cry and afterwards she was much better....

She also has this thing where she goes all floppy in the store and wont get up and its so embarrassing! So i knelt down beside her last time and told her i saw this big doggy come inside the store 'can u imagine it!' and she got excited and forgot about being all 'floppy'....Yes as parents of toddlers we have to make a holy show of ourselves most of the time, lol.
Things are going to be tough with tantrums etc at a toddlers age its their way of learning how to socialise and how to test you...its something every parent has to get through...no exceptions! Just remember they are only 2 and the dont understand 'why' anything is like it is!

Stay strong and if you feel like going mad step outside, get some fresh air and deep breath...start again!...It works for me...
Good luck and stay strong its tough huh?!

(type in 'toddler, tantrums' into Google and it'll give you alot of information on how to cope and what they mean etc.)

Answer 6

Hiya, I have a 21 month old son aswell and im having exactly yhe same issues that you are having with you dd!
He screams when I hold his hand to cross the road and causes a fuss when I change his nappy!
I find the easiest way to deal with it is to just ignore the sceaming. It may be very embarrasing when your out, but as soon as I have crossed the road and are safe I let him go and he carries on as normal. I think the more worked up you get, the more the child plays on it!! If you ignore the bad behaviour and dont give in to it they eventually realise its not getting them anywhere.
Hope this helps
I totally understand what you are going through. Its not fun, but it will get better!
Good luck

Answer 7

hey i have a little boy who is just over 2 and sometimes i have the same problem getting him across roads when we are getting to edge of pavement we tell him he has to go quickly over road we say this in a stern and clear voice so he can understand what we are saying. one thing that works for him is if you can spot something across the road that would be fun to go and look at for example a tree or a stationary car, it may sound silly but he bombs across that road just so he can see better we have also taught him what the green and red man means at crossings now we did this by letting him press the buttons and he waits till green man comes then we say quick quick to the next one and he loves it. as for the tantrums in the house we have a system that if he does not do as he is told we take his fave toy of him and doesnt get it back till he shows he has behaved and there is also the sticker system if he is good he gets a sticker on a chart and at end of week he gets a small treat i.e. chocolate bar. if you keep at it fingers crossed it would only take a week or two for them to realise you are the boss and you mean business. good luck. ohhh and a harness is a good way to keep them moving or geting them to stop

Answer 8

She is testing out her independence at this age. You need to sit her down for a time out when she acts in a manner that is inappropriate. If she runs toward the road, sit her down immediately and tell her she can either hold your hand to continue the walk or she can sit there for a couple of minutes and go home. Be consistant and this should help.

Answer 9

Before going anywhere or doing anything the best thing to do is let her know your expectations. Example: when you go shopping before you walk into the store you get down to her level and let her know that she needs to stay sitting in the cart if she stands up in the cart then you will go home and she will go to to her room, take a nap or something that is appropriate at the time. It will be hard at first but you have to stick to your guns if she stands in the cart you first give a warning, and then if she stands again you have to pick her up and take her home (leaving the cart and everything behind). Yes, this will be harder on you then it will be on her but if you do exactly what you tell her you will do she will begin to understand the consequence of her actions(yes they are that smart). If you giver her expectations and the consequences for not meeting those expectations things will begin to go much smoother for you. The expectations that you set for her need to be age appropriate. It really works if you stick with it.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

At 21 months of age, your daughter is really just a baby, so I would "pick your battles" as they say.

Make sure you are not being too strict on things that don't really matter, but stick to your guns when it comes to things that involve safety, for example holding hands when you cross the street.

Children really do respond best to lots of praise, being told that she is a good girl, will make her feel good about herself.

Go easy on her as far as the "immediate show of obedience from her at times" as I'm not sure you are going to ever get that. At her age she has no idea about the dangers she could face, however she is just learning to be independant and that is to be encouraged, while ensuring her safety.

I'm guessing that she is your first and only child.

Children are their own little people, developing their own little personalities. Our job is to love them and keep them safe, not to get instant obedience.

Love her, praise, her, enjoy her, teach her right from wrong, but mainly . . . . . . . pray for strength - parenting isn't for cowards.

Read as much as you can about child development and child psychology. I like Barbara Colorosso books.

Good Luck and remember at the end of her years as a child, you want to be someone that she wants as a friend and mentor.