Why does it still hurt so much?

Question

Eight years ago i lost my best and only friend, Katy. She was the greatest cat i could ever have hoped to have. She asked me for so little, and the one thing she asked me was to be with me when she died, but i couldn't even do that for her. She got stuck somewhere and a week later she stumbled home. We took her to the vet and they said she would be fine. The night we were supposed to take her home the vet asked us to let Katy spend one more night so they could run more tests, my parents agreed. I had been holding Katy and when i went to put her in the cage she tried her best to hold on to me, and she had always been just fine in cages before, call it silly, my imagination, or whatever, but i know she wanted to come home with me. The next morning we got a phone call telling us that Katy had died. She gave me so much over those years, love, understanding, forgiveness, kindness, everything i didn't get from those at school When i see how much my bird hates me it makes me miss her more why

I know that i loved her very much, and she took the place of humans in my early life, but after eight years i thought i would have let go a bit more, but i can never stop thinking about her and crying over her mournful death.

Answer 1

It still hurts 10 years after my pet Larry died.

Answer 2

I understand your pain. I lost my beloved cat 8 months ago. Katy will always have a special place in your heart, I'm sure she did truly love you, I believe cats are capable of love no matter what other people say. Katy is in a better place and you must realize that she is happy and she would want you to be too.
You must go on with your life and grow and find new things to build your life around. If possible I think you should get another cat, maybe a baby kitten, so many are waiting out there in shelters to love you and have you take them home.
I hope you will feel better and not dwell too much on Katy. She came into your life for a purpose and try to remember the good times and when you think about the end please just try to stop those thoughts, they won't bring her back. I also start thinking about the day my cat died but I try to just stop because it serves no purpose. God bless.

Answer 3

Losing a loved one is always hard, and losing a pet can be like losing a child. And your grief is compounded by the sad circumstances of her death.

You may have an element of guilt there, too, but please try to let go of that. You had no way of knowing that she wouldn't make it through the night, and leaving her at the hospital was the best chance she had to pull through. You did the right thing, even though it didn't work out.

I think you need a new kitty. Not to replace Katy, no cat will ever replace her. But a new cat will find his or her own place in your heart, and the love you share will help heal your grief.

I will never stop missing my Angels Puddin', Scooter and Rusty. Rusty was the great love of my life, he's only been gone six months and my grief is still sharp. I adopted my Scamper less than two weeks afte Rusty died. I knew I wasn't ready, but Rusty's doctor had a feral rescue that she couldn't release because he needed follow-up after she operated on an injured eye, so I took him. He has brought me great joy and happiness at a very sad time. I still grieve for Rusty (and Scooter and Puddin') but I've found that I can be sad about my Angel Boys and happy about my Scamper at the same time. That's a lot better than just being sad!

Please think about adopting a kitty. There will never be another Katy, but the love you share with a new kitty will help soothe your broken heart.

Perhaps, as some believe, you and Katy will meet again.

The Rainbow Bridge

by Paul C. Dahm

Just this side of heaven is a place called the Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to the Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. They are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved fur, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together.

Answer 4

Sometimes we have pets that are just that way. I had a dog once that was smarter then some people I know. It is never easy but each pet you own is something lovable. Here is what i suggest. Go get a new cat. This one will not be Katy but it will be just as lovable in its own way. You can start with a kitten but if you are okay with it, it would be nice to get one 9 months to a year old at the humane society. Most kittens go fast but these older cats ( still kittens if you ask me) need homes even more and they are not always adopted out very fast.They are so lovable when they get a home. I think they know and appreciate your rescuing them. By the way I am trying to type this with my cat Ramses doing his best to help out with the typing. I got him when he was a year old and would be lost without him. Pets! Got to love them!

Incidental, Katy knew you loved her and I do believe there is a pet heaven. She is up there chasing other cats around and having a blast!

Answer 5

There is no time limit on grief for a loved one whether it be a animal or a human. I consider my animals to be my kids since I have no kids. I had a cocker spaniel for 10 years and someone shot him with a bow and arrow. I took him to the vet and he saved him thank goodness. But as he got older, the place where the arrow was in his back started to fill up with fluid all of the time. I would have to take him to the vet and get it drained constantly. He was my best friend and really the only TRUE friend I have ever had. When it came time for him to die, he left my house to die. I looked and looked for him and finally found him one day. He loved me so much also that he went elsewhere to die. I didn't know that dogs would do that at times until then and when my vet told me that also. It has been nearly 15 years since I lost him and still cry at times over him. I bought me a puppy and he has helped me alot with my grief. He is now 4 years old and I don't know what I would do without him and never want to know, even though I know that everyone and everything has to die some day. But I am enjoying every moment I have with him and he is my best friend now and spoiled rotten. I even named my new dog with the same name as the one I had lost. They have totally different personalities, but I feel my cocker spaniel with me still. Get yourself another dog and let your healing begin. I can say that is has greatly helped me. I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 6

I think part of why it still hurts so much is because you keep blaming yourself for her death. I love all my cats. I have cried so hard if we have to put them to sleep, which we frequently have. (they caught feline leukemia from a kitten we adopted and about four or five died from it before it stopped spreading)

You need to stop blaming yourself for her death. You didn't kill her and although I hate the thought of her dying alone - as you do - even if she had been home, she'd still have died. And how could you possibly have known? The vet, a professional for goodness sake, told you she'd be fine! You had to believe him.

I don't know what you believe in, but I'm a Christian. I believe that God loves all the creatures He created, including cats. I believe that your baby, Katy, went to be with her Creator and is happier now. I know that comforts me so much when I think about our babies that have been put to sleep. That doesn't mean I don't miss them - you always will. But maybe it will help to think she's in a beautiful place where no one will ever hurt her. Waiting for you even. If you're saved, I don't know if you are, then you could always see her again when you someday die. And for her no time will have passed, since there isn't time in Heaven, as it's eternal.

My cats have been friends to me, more so than my peers, just as you have said about your cat. I know how you feel. I hope I've helped you a little. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 7

Some of what your feeling is quilt because she wanted to hold on to you when you had to put her into the cage, and yes, she may wanted to come home with you, but we make the best decision as we know it, at the time. It's something you need to try to let go of. She probably would died at home that very same night.

As far as the bird, if he hates you then you are not the right person for the bird.

I would suggest getting another cat. I think you would be much more happier with another cat and there are so many to choose from that would be so grateful to have you for their owner.

Answer 8

First, you have my condolences on the loss of a beloved pet.

If eight years has passed and you still cry for the loss, still beat yourself up over the misdirected guilt feelings about how she died, and you allow the loss to affect current relaionships, then I would guess you are suffering from a clinical depression.

Time should have dulled the severity of these feelings.


You don't have to resign yourself to a lifetime of misery over an animal whose death you could neither have foreseen or prevented.

Talk to a counsellor at school, a clergyman, or find a psychologist or psychiatrist. There are ways to work through these feelings, get some perspective for them, and make room in your life to move on. You don't have to take psychological meds, unless you want them, but doing nothing will make your recover take much longer. eight years is a very long time to mourn.

From my own experience-- I suffered a deep depression when my wife left 7 years ago, and can very much relate to your feelings.

Answer 9

It never hurts to much to loose a friend. 3 weeks ago I lost my best friend, Jammie, in an accident. We ended up never making up. We got in a fight sometime before that. Now I know how you feel but you shouldn't let something big get in the way of doing other things. Now I can write my feelings about it down and not cry. Try talking to your friends. Best of luck!

Answer 10

Losing a beloved pet is really hard, even years after it has happened. Your experience is quite normal. It's because you had Katy for the majority of your life, and now that she's not physically with you, it is hard to deal with. Hang in there.