IM BORED!!!! jokes?

Question

hi, im bored, i need jokes!!!! tell me yours, i have one.

a boy,4 years old, is in play-school and says 'PLEASE MISS, can i go to the toilet'
'ok' says the teacher 'if you tell me the first 3 letters of the alphabet'
'err' said the boy.

that night he asks his mum for the 1st letter who is on the phone 'LIKE SHUT UP, NO WAY!' she screams at her freind.

he then asks his dad who was playing darts, for the 2nd letter, with his elder brother '180!!!' dad shouts.

he asks his younger brother who is 3, for the 3rd letter 'my little wello boom boom car' he said not able to pronounce his words.


next day, 'PLEASE MISS' he says again 'can i use the tiolet?'
'ok' she says 'but tell me what the first 3 letters of the alphabet ar'

'LIKE SHUT UP..' he says but the teacher interupts him
'I DO BEG YOUR PARDON' she screams'how many detentions do you want?'
'180!' he replies
' oh do you, how do you plan to get away?'
' in my little wello boom boom car'



rubbish i know :(

Answer 1

Ha ha! I have a couple.

- A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. When he is done eating, he gets up, shoots the waiter and leaves. The manager said " you just shot my best waiter! Then the panda says " I'm a panda, what do you expect. Look it up in the dictionary. So then the manager looks up 'panda' in the dictionary, it says "Panda, noun, A mammal found in asia. Eats shoots and leaves."

_ Two blonde's are standing across a river, on on each side. The first blonde asks, "how did you get on the other side?" The second one says, "you are on the other side!"

_ One time my little boy asked me if I had gone to the club to be a stripper. I had no clue what he meant until he said, "you know, that cooking club where you strip the potatoes?"

Well, I hope I at lest made you smile!

Answer 2

After a heavy night on the town, Ellie29uk woke up on a park bench with one hell of a headache and decided she'd better get home. As she was walking down the street she thought there was a bit of a draft and realised she had no knickers on, but luckily at the same time she saw an Ann Summers shop across the road and popped in to buy a new pair. She found ones she really liked only to discover she had no money, but as she was desperate she tucked them in her pocket and went to leave the store.
Unfortunately, she was caught and the police came to arrest her....
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say, can and will be taken down and used against you in a court of law"
Ellie looked up at a display rack, smiled and said....
"Rampant Rabbit"

Answer 3

If your child resists making use of the potty chair or toilet or isn't acquiring the hang of it? If you are sick of dirty diapers? If you exhausted from small accidents? Then learn how to ideal train your child with this program https://tr.im/ypkdh
Designed to assist any individual with a young toddler and essentially assist the toddler also, this system is made for patient readers who want to see their youngster excel, and for people who have a sturdy and loving bond with their little one. If you are quick to temper, or don’t truly feel that you have time to dedicate three days to potty instruction, then you will possibly not be suited to this! By following Carol’s guidance, you could have your youngster potty qualified in a prolonged weekend.
Order Start Potty Training so that you can enjoy the advantages of getting a completely potty qualified and independent kid inside of just a couple of days.

Answer 4

True Story: My mother teaches a school. My brother at the time attended the same school was in the sixth grade. Each morning every student in that grade had to give a recent news event that happened. Earlier that morning, a teacher came into the school grounds with her hair sticking out in all directions. At that time, the school was having their usual morning devotions and when the headmaster saw the female teacher approaching she quickly sent them back to the classrooms because she thought the teacher had gone insane. Later she found out that the teacher's head was hurting her so much that she let her hair out. That morning for my brother's new report he said "This morning Mrs. Stephen (the teacher) was electrocuted" Everyone in the class burst out laughing.

Answer 5

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, here is one for you...

He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast,
And then, drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside,
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched out his arms,
And then he stuffed the turkey.

May I be the first to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving! And what were YOU thinking? Some of you have such dirty minds!!

Answer 6

ok so i'll tell you the same lame joke i told someone else...
what's big green and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you
a pool table of course!
and you thought your joke was rubbish!
:)

Answer 7

That was funny. I am rubbish at telling jokes.

Answer 8

three men are gathered at the top of the empire state building, having a laugh and a drink. the first man declares "due to the wind resistance at this altitude, its possible to jump off this building and survive. the wind will actually carry you around and pull you back in"

the second man replies "thats bull****"

so the first man demonstartes. he jumps off the building, and true to his word, is carried around, landing exactly where he started.

the second man is amazed "thats so cool" he says, he tries it, jumps off and plummets to his death.

the third man turns to the first and shakes his head in disgust.

he says "you can be a right b***ard when youre drunk, superman"

Answer 9

One day this guy walks into a doctors office with a frog on his head, the doctor ask whats wrong with you, and the frog says well it started with a bump on my butt

Answer 10

There were 2 crazy men in a hospital. Man1 sed "Let's escape! We'll Go out the door, jump out the fence and run free!". Man2 sed "Too bad, not today." Man1 sed, "Why?!". Then Man2 sed "There's no fence." Then Man1 sed "Oh that's too bad".

Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" turned out as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead" when it was translated in Chinese. Also in Chinese, KFC's "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off".