If this offends you and I hope it doesn't, guess what? You have to forgive me! We are all the same and I hope you enjoy, Plz let me know, Thanks.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2006-11-18 13:56:27 · 22 answers · asked by basscatcher 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Born and raised Catholic. That was hilarious!
2006-11-18 14:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by Rebecca G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beautiful.
2006-11-18 22:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An oldie but a cutie
2006-11-18 21:59:41 · answer #3 · answered by mother 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you hear that the Pope went to Mount Olive...
Popeye almost killed him.
2006-11-18 22:07:19 · answer #4 · answered by Jedi Baptist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find your joke to be good and nothing offensive . Good Humour
2006-11-18 22:03:10 · answer #5 · answered by avatar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cute!
2006-11-18 21:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's great! Hope noone is offended.
2006-11-18 21:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by jperk1941 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who but GOD ALMIGHTY knows if JESUS was constipated
2006-11-18 22:01:33 · answer #8 · answered by fbubble 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah! i know some irish priests who would laugh.
2006-11-18 21:59:19 · answer #9 · answered by nowisthetime 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Mary with the Cherry" LMFAO!!!! awesome
2006-11-18 21:59:51 · answer #10 · answered by The Riddler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋