my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost a year, and I love him with all of my heart. we live together, and are planning our entire lives around each other. He has always had wandering eyes. As someone who bodybuilds, he assures me that this is natural, because a good portion of his life is spent measuring, sizing, and critiquing body parts. He assures me that its not for any other reason. He also has lately started telling me how sexy, on a scale of one to ten, he finds other women. He stresses that 'window shopping' is not a big deal, that every man does it, and that it doesnt mean he loves me any less. But I know that I never check out the other sex. I NEVER look at any other men and think about ANYONE else in that way. And I find it hurtful that he does... Is this something that is normal for guys? Ones in committed relationships? What does this say, in 'guy' speak... ? Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Is what I feel right? That this is not okay? Thanks...
2006-11-18 12:01:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My boyfriend does a similar thing - but I am pleased he is honest with me. It's when they pretend they're not doing it - and become secretive that there is a problem. If he was to cheat - he would not make it so bloody obvious that was his intentions. Start doing it back to him - have a laugh. Me and my boyfriend used to work together and we both had top five's of the opposite sex in the office. It's made us close, maybe he feels like you're his friend - which means he feels comfortable saying 'Ooh, 9/10 she's hot!' You're obviously his 11/10 - so I wouldn't worry honey.
2006-11-18 12:10:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, the b/f gets a score of -120 in class, and a -584 in brains. It must be wreaking havoc on your self-esteem? The part about him being a "bodybuilder" is PURE B.S.! Do guys in general "look"? Yup, they do, Male of the species ARE VISUAL! However,any of them with 2 firing nurons that hit each other Never say a word period! (At least to their G/F!) I do find it difficult to believe you've NEVER seen a guy that looks hot, an thought "Oooooo hottie!" Uh, everybody male and female "looks". Only an idiot/moron would say anything to their significant other. If he truly loved you he wouldn't say anything as he would know his moronic ramblings accomplishes nothing but hurt/degrade/demean you. If he's done this the entire time you have been together, he's NOT going to improve. Find someone with more brains and less brawn !! Sorry, no doubt you don't like my answer. But,, are you absolutely sure you're willing to put up with his childish behavior the rest of your life including how his behavior makes you feel. And, are you absolutely, positively, without a shadow of doubt, KNOW he hasn't been trying on merchandise? and just "only windowshopping"?? Best to answer these 2 questions before going any further in this relationship.
2006-11-18 12:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HC: I will tell you the TRUTH. You love your guy more than he loves you and he is in love with himself ! You feel hurt by his "window shopping" and you should be too! It is a matter of time before your guy won't be your guy anymore - he will find some one else (he's on the hunt). Don't try and change him because he will get angry and protect himself. You can only change yourself ! Expect the worse from this relationship and be very glad that you aren't married or have children with "Atlas" (your guy). Seldom do "live in" relationships ever, work ! You have learned this the hard way. Be prepared to move on with your life - it should be soon now! Good luck to ya - it isn't my intent to make you cry - but to forewarn you !
2006-11-18 12:15:49 · answer #3 · answered by guraqt2me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you about myself personally, but I am not sure about guys in general.
Me, it kind of depends on what girl I am with. If there is a girl I really like, I will never even really think about another girl. I have been dating someone before where I really liked another girl at the same time. This is a normal thing to happen. Even though you don't look at anyone else now, there will be a time in your life where you meet another guy and might be attracted to him.
Maybe your husband is just looking and judging and doesn't put any extra meaning into it. Try to get involved in this too. Rate other girls with him and start to rate guys and see how he reacts. It could be fun, like a game. Have you ever explained to him about how it makes you feel? That could be a good one too.
Guys in general vary differently. You will see many married guys in strip clubs and many married men still look at porn. That doesn't mean they would cheat on their wives or anything, but it means that they still get aroused by new faces. From a scientific point of view, it is only natural. Men are designed to have many partners and "spread their seed." As long as he is not acting on this, then you are alright.
Best of luck!
2006-11-18 12:10:27 · answer #4 · answered by b-rad 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well all look even if you dont want to admit it. You see other men that are attractive and there isnt anything wrong with that. He is just looking and being honest. If he hasnt given you a reason to think that he is cheating then whats the problem? You will always see someone that is attractive to you even if you are in a relationship some men and women just keep the thought to themselves.
2006-11-18 12:05:49 · answer #5 · answered by justturning40 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well I guess your relationships have grown very intimate since he feels comfortable about telling you how he feels about other people. I guess the advantage is that you wont have to worry about him hiding things from you since he will tell you and the disadvantage is maybe he is telling you that because he isn't interested in you anymore but I dobt thats the case. If you guys have been together for a year then certainy its just him being open about things. Its like you and your best friend when you talk about things. You've become his best friend and now he wants to share his thought with you. But, I think you should tell him how you feel and that it hurts so so maybe he could ease of his actions. He should understand.
2006-11-18 12:07:55 · answer #6 · answered by dm 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Guys are very visual people. Every hot woman that walks by is going to briefly grab his attention no matter if you notice it or not. Does that mean that he wants to spend the rest of his life with them? Of course not! Being in a committed relationship doesn't turn off their sexyness meter, and you shouldn't feel treatened by this. It's natural.
Hope that helped you out.
UMRmathmajor
2006-11-18 12:05:47 · answer #7 · answered by UMRmathmajor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's totally normal that you feel this way; and yes, all "normal, straight" guys look at other women regardless of whose besides him. Let me ask you something; how does he rate you? If he ignore this, you're in a one way relationship. If he doesn't focus on you as much as he does on himself and everyone else, it's time to move on.
2006-11-18 12:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by pn3drb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like a great guy, and mean men get interest by way of fact the are so over bearing that they call for it any way they could..and intimidation is a vast component, on the specific women they %. that could nonetheless be a sufferer of a guy..
2016-10-22 08:07:51 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a guy, I do the same thing, but do not do the 1 to 10 thing out loud for my wife to hear. I wish I did not look at other women, because my wife feels very sad when I do it, sorry dear we are men...
2006-11-18 12:07:03 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋