I have a huge dilemma. I am getting married in September and I have a younger sister. We are not very close and never really have been. She lives an hour and 1/2 from me. Should I ask her to be in my wedding? I told her the reasons for not asking her and she I think understands. I just feel really bad. I told her she could be my personal attendant and she told me that she doesn't want to be the one to do my dirty work. She also doesn't want to be my b****. So what should I do? Have her in it anyway even though I am going to worry constantly if she is fitting in and having a good time. She has a lot on her plate and she wouldn't be able to just come at my bidding at a drop of a dime. I think she will have a bad attitude about the whole thing, so I don't want that to spoil the day either. Help me please!!!!!
2006-11-18 11:54:28 · 16 answers · asked by Peek A Boo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
since you have already told her, don't worry about asking her to be in it. just let her know that you love her and want her to come to the wedding and to enjoy it! I've been a bridesmaid at least five times and trust me, it isn't that great. i'd rather just be invited to enjoy the day with you. if she really wants to be a part of it include her in some sort of activity like ask her to host a wedding shower for you, or invite her to go find the perfect dress...whatever you think she might enjoy best.
2006-11-18 15:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by mrs. awesome 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm in the minority here, but I think you sister should be in your wedding party. This is tricky because of what has already been said between the two of you. I think by asking her now you can say "I know we are not close, but I'd like to think some day we will be and I don't want to feel bad at my 20th anniversary party about not having you stand up for me." I have often heard people say when picking your wedding party, think about the next ten years, not the last ten years. Really, I think you are completely closing the door on any relationship with her by this big gesture. Are you ready for that? (You don't say, but I'm guessing you only have one sibling? And you are having more than one bridesmaid? Those are more reasons to include her) If her attitude is a problem for you, why would you ever consider asking her to be your Personal Attendant? This position really is not an honor for a guest. If you really can't handle your own dirty work and you don't trust your bridal party to help you, hire someone.
I'm not sure why you would be worried about her having a good time as a member of the wedding party. And does she have some history that makes you think she would actually have a bad attitude on your wedding day? A bridesmaid's main responsibility is to smile for pictures. Don't expect anyone to do anything else, even your Maid of Honor. You should be prepared to do everything on your own. Little things like working on programs or favors are your responsibility, not the responsibility of your bridesmaids.
I'm sorry if this is hard to hear.
2006-11-18 16:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you've already gotten a lot of good responses to this question, but I'll take a stab anyway:
You didn't ask her in the beginning. There's nothing wrong with that. It's your wedding. You said you think she understands.
My advice is to drop it now, before resentment starts to build up.
The more you backpedal and scramble on your decision, the more miserable you will be and you'll just end up aggravating the situation with her. No one wants to be constantly reminded that they weren't your first choice!
Go on about your business, and if you want to try to build a better relationship with your sister, try calling her occasionally and just talking to her, but NOT about the wedding. Get together and do something. Go visit her for a few hours, etc. Building a better relationship must be about the TWO of you, not your upcoming nuptials.
You say you've never been very close, and that's a shame, but why should it suddenly become more important now that you're getting married? Nothing has really changed, otherwise.
Get on with your life and plans, invite her to the wedding, and be glad that you can share your most special day with those important people in your life, both those in the wedding party, and those in attendance.
Best wishes, Sweetie!
Polly
2006-11-18 13:34:47 · answer #3 · answered by Polly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to look at yourself before you become one of those Bridezillas on TV. "Come at my bidding at a drop of a dime"? You are a bride; not a queen and even then your sister is a PERSON, not something you say jump and she asks how high. If you think she has a bad attitude because she wont cater to your high handedness, then you need to come down off your own high horse. You will lose many friends if you approach your wedding like this.
You have made a decision, now stick to it. Otherwise you will be second guessing everything you decide on for you wedding. If you really think you have made a bad decision, ask your sister do a reading. (but for pity's sake, not Corinthians that everyone uses) If your sister has a talent that she can use to help you, approach it that way. (eg she plays an instrument) But, if she says no; leave it at that.
2006-11-18 18:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by Cariad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no bridesmaid or maid of honor, should have to "come at my bidding at the drop of a dime!" That's taking advantage of someone who is one of the most important people in your life.
That being said, it doesn't sound as if she wants to be in your wedding party anyhow. Can you give her some other roll, like reading a passage or poem during the ceremony?
She is your sister, so she should have an important role for your special day, but she should not do anything that makes her feel used. (Not that you were trying to make her feel used, but that seems to be how she took it.)
2006-11-18 13:31:20 · answer #5 · answered by ee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, first and foremost, your wedding day is YOUR special day! Honestly, it is the responsibility of your family and friends to show that they care about you and you are showing that they are important to you because you want them to witness this special day.
With that said, it is not wrong to be a little selfish on your wedding. If you think that there is a chance that your sister can ruin your wedding then you have every right not to invite her or to invite her but not incorporate her into the wedding.
The best advice I can give is to sit down with her and explain to her how much your wedding means to you. Tell her that you would love her to come and to see the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and that you would like your sister to be part of it. She might be feeling some jealousy, don't you think? Since she doesn't want to be an attendant then ask her if she would like to show up. If you really want her to be part of it, then tell try to explain that being a personal attendant isn't a bithc job, but one that you put a lot of trust in.
You might regret her not being there and she might feel bad not being invited.
2006-11-18 12:03:33 · answer #6 · answered by b-rad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got to remember that this is the one and only time you're gonna get to be a queen for a day, so you have every right to be a full-fledge byth if you want. Don't feel obligated to have her in your wedding. Because oncce you start to worry about other peoples feelings the attention slowly starts to deter from you, THE MAIN FOCUS!!!!! Do what I did, my husband and I just took the money we were gonna spend on a BIG wedding, and just flew down to the Virgin Islands and got married on the beach. No bridesmaids, no attitudes, just the two of us. besides, isn't it supposed to be just about you anyway?
2006-11-18 12:00:35 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't need to be an attendant to be in the wedding. I know someone suggested the guest book, but she could also be a reader, 1st Corinithians anyone? Don't cause yourself anymore stress than you are already signed up for. A small part in the ceremony or the guest book attendant is less stress on everyone, her too. Let's face it, you are not close, so she's not up all night wondering why she's not your maid of honor.
2006-11-18 14:25:36 · answer #8 · answered by pumbakitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 5 sisters - so of course I couldn't have them all in the wedding. It is not required to have your sister in your wedding and you shoudl not feel obligated. If she is busy, don't look for ways to get her involved if they are just going to stress her out more. Just let her be a guest and enjoy the event from that position.
2006-11-18 16:23:01 · answer #9 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already told her she isn't a bridesmaid, don't make the situation more complicated by dwelling on it. Try to bond with her more in the next couple months and if you guys get along better and she seems genuinely interested in your wedding, consider asking her later on.
2006-11-18 11:58:17 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋