Am I being an insanely jealous girlfriend?

Question

I went to visit my bf at work a week ago; he works at an animal hospital. At the front desk was his coworker his female coworker that he didn't tell me about. Well he told me about the new girl but forgot to mention how gorgeous she is. She greeted me politely and asked if I needed anything, as if she didn't know who I was. I told her rather shortly to go get my bf which she did. Needless to say bf got an earful that evening. So I stopped by today "just to say hi" and there they were talking granted it was about poop. But there seemed to be something there. Anyway when I said hello, they stopped talking. I asked bf about her this evening. Told him my feelings. And he basically said “what am I supposed to do not talk to her? And we proceeded to get into an argument. So Am I being insane or do I have a right to be upset? I consider myself an intelligent women, I'm currently in college, so I don't think I'd feel this way without cause/ Tell me what do you think?

Answer 1

You may be intelligent and you may be in college, but you're acting very immature.

Did you consider when you met his co-worker at the front desk that (1) she may not have known who you were (2) snapping at her to go get your boyfriend was a tacky thing to do (3) she may have a hot boyfriend and not be interested in your bf and (4) your boyfriend may have cared only for you, but after your behavior in the place he works, I wouldn't be surprised if he's questionning his choice of girlfriends.

The first thing you need to understand is that jealousy is a blinking red light telling everyone you are major insecure. And the second point is that you are absolutely, 100%, powerless over your boyfriend, his co-worker, and every other human being in the world.

Once you accept those two things, you can start changing how you behave because, if you don't, you'll be single again. And, even worse, you'll never have a healthy relationship with any guy.

You can share your feelings with your boyfriend, but in a calm discussion when it's the right time. Your fear of loss is creating, by being jealous, the loss you fear most. He may not have told you much about his co-worker if he's experienced your jealousy before.

And, let's say it's worst case, and your boyfriend choses to be unfaithful to you, you cannot...cannot...do anything about it.

What you CAN do is make a choice not to be part of a relationship if your boyfriend isn't committed. Stuff happens, our hearts are broken, they heal, we meet someone new, almost always someone way better for us than our lost love. And maybe that is the plan.

Nothing is going to be right for you, no relationship is going to give you what you need. Only you can give yourself that. Work on you. You may still get your heart broken, but that's on the other partner. You'll move on. You'll always be powerless over people, places and things and the sooner you accept that in your heart, and stop trying to CONTROL, the happier, confident and secure in love you'll be.

I hope you listen to my suggestions. I'm a control freak who finally got that I'm wasting my time, hurting myself and others I love, and driving those I love away. I learned to remind myself, when I felt the old evil eye of jealousy pop up that I'm powerless, that things will be as they are supposed to be, and start taking care of myself so I always have me to rely on.

Good luck.

Answer 2

If you continue to flip out over him talking to someone he works with, matters will only get worse. However, from experience... we can tell if there is a certain chemistry. Like we can tell if a girl is into our man, just like men can tell when other men are into us. I'm not going to tell you to deny your intuition, but I will say you might want to think again about how you handle it.

You've already mentioned it to him. Say no more about it. If you've asked them if there's anything going on there, and he's said no. Take him at his word! There's no reason to be in a relationship if there's no trust. BUT... if he starts acting differently... that's something to concern yourself with. In relationships, both men and women still find other people attractive. Just because I've noticed hott guys when I was in a relationship doesn't mean that I was ready to leave my man because of that. Pretty faces are a dime a dozen. So there's no reason to feel insecure because of another woman. But if you think your man is so shallow or your relationship is that rocky, there are more important things to worry about than this new girl he works with.

I hope that helps some. :-)

Answer 3

Relax, you are too sensitive. So if there are good looking girls walking on the street will you ground your boyfriend so he can't go out? They are just co-workers.

Also, the reality is, if he is a faithful boyfriend then he won't leave you. Cherish that!
If he decide to dump you for the other girl, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Let alone that you are pushing him away now.

Being in college does not make a difference in your intelligence or maturity.

Answer 4

first of all why would he tell you that the co-worker was goreogous you probably would yelled at him if he told you that piece of information so yeah he was a good guy for not doing that-second people talk to each other especially co-workers otherwise the job at hand is kinda hard to get done and to exchange important information and you probably don't want to look like a anti-social weirdo to your co-workers so talking is kinda a good and normal thing to do its not a big deal-he is with you for a reason but if he feels that your going to be obsessive then he'll get scared and probably want to leave you so just be really sweet and loving and how he likes you to be and he'll totally not even think about his co-worker in that way even though he probably isn't even right now

Answer 5

I know its hard, but you need to take a back seat for a bit and just watch what happens between them - if you keep bringing it up and yelling with your bf about it, you could end up with no bf there anymore - cause if you argue heaps and make him feel bad too, then you're just increasing the chances of losing him to her.

Show him you're still in love with him, do stuff together outside of his work and have fun!!

Answer 6

well, yes. you're a little too jealous. jealousey is ok, but if you get too jealous you'll scare him off. think of it this way: if he really loves you, and you are perfect for eachother, then even if he likes this girl, he'll find somethin wrong with her and come back to you.

i hung out with a girl a lot whn i was a senior in HS. i had a girlfriend, who i'm engaged to today. well, this girl i was hangin out with was the girl tht every guy in my class would do in a second. she was smart, cool, pretty, and friendly. i hung out with her for an hour or 2 after school everyday. my g/f got jealous, but she let it go. well, time went by, and i started seeing flaws left in right in this girl. it really REALLY made me appreciate my girlfriend, and if anything, made me more confident that she was the one for me.

so if you trust him, let him go a little, and let him get to know her. cuz he'll find somethin wrong, and hopefully he'll be smart enough not to rush around. i was lucky that i'm not very sexual, or i probably coulda done somethin i would regret later.

Answer 7

The jealous demon is tough. Interacting with coworkers of the opposite sex in a professional setting is normal and fine. Has he given you a reason not to trust him? We are all prone to feel jealous, esp if you said the girl is pretty, of course you are going to feel possessive of your man. Don't let it ruin you though. If you freak out about it, it might drive him away.

Answer 8

Either you trust him or you don't. You should not even be with someone that you think is on the move with someone else. It does sould like you are a little to J. Maybe it's more about how you feel about yourself and not him

Answer 9

I think your insanely jealous. If he didnt mention his coworker being gorgeouse than thats a good sign that he respects you but if you keep acting like this, what is there to respect. Being jealous is tackey.

Answer 10

I believe you when you say you are intelligent, but intelligence will never over ride your insecurities.

This is you right now:

My boyfriend told me about the new girl, but he never told me how beautiful she was so I am mad. If my boyfriend would have came home and told me about the new girl and that she was gorgeous as hell I would have been mad. I want my boyfriend to not talk to the beautiful girl that he works with because she is beautiful, and I am insecure. I am going to be a *itch towards this girl for no other reason then she is beautiful, and even though he has never said it or done anything to make me think it, my bf might be attracted to her.

Do you see how silly you sound? Again I do believe you are intelligent, but since these are your actions right now what is intelligent about them.

You are setting your boyfriend up to fail because since these are your insecurities he is never going to do anything right in this situation for you unless he completely ignores her and go blind which you know can't happen. So how are you going to handle it you are going to purposely argue with him about this every chance you get when you know the things you want him to do to take care of your insecurities can't be done. Then when he hangs around her at work because you drove him to it with your insecurities then you are going to say "see" I told you, you wanted her when in reality you drove him to it. Sometimes men say if you are going to keep accusing me off it and I am already getting in trouble for it I might as well do it.

So again I do believe you are intelligent, but since these are your actions right now what is intelligent about them.

Last, please explain to me how do you get mad at someone for being beautiful, and being beautiful in front of your bf as though they said while being an embryo god please make me beautiful. You act as though it is some how her fault that she is beautiful (damn her for being born beautiful). You need to also realize you can't stop your boyfriend from doing anything he wants to do. Let me say that again "YOU" CAN'T STOP YOUR BOYFRIEND FROM DOING ANYTHING "HE" WANTS TO DO. He has to not want to do it, and I hope you don't think arguing with him will stop him. It will actually make him do the complete opposite because the more you argue with him the more you force him to push him self away from you because no one wants to argue with you because another women was blessed with good looks and you are insecure.

So again I do believe you are intelligent, but since these are your actions right now what is intelligent about them.

Leave him alone, and trust him. You are innocent until proven guilty stop making him feel like he is guilty until proven innocent because of YOUR INSECURITES, and a women who was blessed with beauty she can't control.