My 9 yr. old nephew came over with his friend to play and they got dirty so I gave them a bath, his mom is mad

Question

My 9 yr. old nephew and his friend who is 8 yrs. old came over to play and they went into the backyard and were playing with my grandpa's german sheperd and my dad's baby sheep. It was so cute! Anyways, they came in kind of dirty and I didn't want to send them home that way so I made them get in the tub and helped bathe them. They said they could bathe themselves but I didn't know if they could or not so I wanted to be sure they didn't get hurt or drown. I basically just supervised them and washed their backs and poured a cup of water over them to rinse them off. Well, when my nephews friend's mom found out she called me up and said what I did was inappropriate but I told her I just wanted them to be clean for mommy and daddy. I am a 19 yr. old female so it isn't like I am one of those bad men you hear about. Was I wrong here? It made me cry when she said that and I had to go run into my husband's arms later. He held me and told me not to worry.

Answer 1

9 a bit old for u to be bathing.. Pervert.. a 9 year old not capable of bathing himself? freak

Answer 2

Sorry, hun....but you did make a mistake. Although you may have had the best intentions, I think that what you did was totally inappropriate....and a serious error in judgement. :-/

Even though you're only 19, you should have known better. Are you telling me that you don't remember being able to bathe yourself without drowning when you were 8-9 years old??? It wasn't all that long ago. Those boys are only 10-11 years younger than you. I'm more than twice your age, and even *I* remember bathing myself without help at that age....younger, in fact. They told you they could do it, so why did you insist on 'helping' them? I'm sure you meant no harm....but if I were either one of the moms, I'd sure be suspicious of that, too.

I think it's great that you were conscientious enough to ask them to clean up before going home. (I have to agree that it seems sorta pointless if they had to put the same dirty clothes back on, though.) But if that situation ever comes up again, ask them to take separate baths, and keep the bathroom door open while you're down the hall within earshot. Periodically ask questions like, "how's it going in there?"......"did you two have fun today?"....."what did you think about those baby sheep?".....or "don't forget to wash behind your ears." As long as they're able to answer you, you can feel pretty sure they're not drowning. ;-)

You made a mistake. That's okay. Learn from it and don't make it again. With today's society being what it is, I'd recommend you wait a few days and write a nice, short apology note to both moms.....explaining that now that you've thought it through, you realize that you had a lapse in judgement and that you're sorry for that....but that you meant no harm. It's sad that our society has come to that, but doing that just might protect you from a lawsuit if the boys decide to later start 'remembering' things that didn't happen if they are continually questioned about it.

Answer 3

if you're being genuine then I am very sorry for you. That was a very hurtful thing for her to have said and it was said from a place of fear. If you are to have the boys again you need to have a conversation with her to let her know how hurt you were by what she said, when your treatment of the boys had been natural and caring.

unfortunately the world we live in now makes us suspicious. Yesterday my husband had to buy a CD of children's photos from an image bank. It was for a design job he's involved in at work, which involves using black and white photos of children/babies for display on a shop wall. He came home and was really troubled by it - not because he had bought these very lovely, innocent and decent pictures - but because he realised that the times we live in means that these acts are now thought of (exclusively) as being weird or worse.

Try not to worry too much. Sleep well and just be a good aunt. It might be a good idea to 'apologise' to the boys' mum and say that you can't believe that it was so inappropriate when it just felt like it was part of the routine of playing/getting mucky/cleaning up for mummy (rather than sending them home dirty).

x

Answer 4

How special that you take in children from Social Services. These children often have many emotional problems, and you must have a heart of gold and patience of Job to take them in. There are many things a 9 year old boy might like. If he plays soccer, they can always enjoy a new soccer ball. Or if he likes to play basketball, a new basketball is nice. Some nice clothes that he can wear to school might be nice, since a child in the care of Social services might not have a lot of personal things, and may have been neglected for some time. A portable CD player is always nice, if you also get him some CD's he can listen to. Of course, any kind of electronic game is often something a 9 year old likes. Good luck to you and have a wonderful holiday and healthy new year. God bless you.

Answer 5

I am surprised she did not file a complaint and she still could and you would be in jail. If it were me I would have filed a police report. You are 19 and an adult those boys are 8 and 9 they are to old for a female to bath. I stopped going into the bathroom with mine when they started school at age 5 probably before that. No you may not be a male predotor but there are a lot of female predotors to and not all child molesters are men.

Reverse that and make the senario a 19 year old male bathing an 8 and 9 year girls. Where would that put the male. Its no different. It was inappropriate of you.

Answer 6

It was generous of you to take the time and care to do it. I would probably have done the same. It is the honest and kind hearted that run afoul of what the conniving and evil people do. used to be you could pick up hitch hikers along the road, give 'em a lift, and not fear. Not today! Used to be if you saw the little girl down the street walking home in the rain, you could stop and give her a ride home. Not today! When I was little, my mom worked so we left the front door unlocked so I could get in after school. Not today! There are lots more examples and you happened upon another. It isn't even smart to even invite a neighbor kid in your house to fix a skinned knee or give 'em a drink of juice. Parents must be so distrustful of others anymore just to keep their kids safe. So in your heart, you know you meant well, but in today's society even a simple kindness is suspect......at least, hopefully until she gets to know you better. When you have little blessings of your own, you will be able to understand that you are totally responsible for a little one's life. It can be daunting.

Answer 7

well, i can see your view and the mother's view. in my opinion it is inappropriate. at the age of 8 and 9 a child can definitely bathe themselves without asking, and i'm not sure when i, as a child, stop taking baths with friends when they visited...i don't think that at the age of 8 and 9 kids take baths together...but i can't be sure. in the end, all i can say is that it was inappropriate, but you didn't know any better. we all have different opinions-but before you stayed in to help, you should have asked yourself a question. if i had an 8 year old daughter, and a 19 year old male stranger woulnd't leave the bathroom as she bathed and helped bathe her, would i be comfortable with that? i sure wouldn't. hate to say it to you, but the mom really was in the right. i hope she didn't come off too mean, but when it's your child, you demand the best.

Answer 8

Well when I was nine years old, I could bathe by myself and if I were put in that situation, I would most probably feel uncomfortable if someone of the opposite gender was there watching me. And I would most probably go home and tell my mom. However, people make mistakes and it's nothing too serious. Just sort of cry it out and then try not to think about it anymore. Learn from your mistakes but also know that you were trying to help. Nothing to get too upset over. Feel better!

Answer 9

It sounds like you bathed them together and kind of forced it upon them, Maybe the kid was embarrassed, which would be very understandable at that age, and / or perhaps she was upset about several other things I can think of. Like spreading germs bathing with another kid, the cleanliness of your bathroom, etc. Some people are really fussy, and in this day and age, who can blame them. If it was your nephew and he was staying the night maybe it would be different, and I would think you would know an 8 y.o. can and wants to take a bath by himself, and most shower by that age.You probably should have , if anything, let them decide. Boys get dirty every day and while it was perhaps a nice gesture, if was a tad weird !!

And after you bathed them, what, you put them back in their filthy clothes?? Why bother?

Answer 10

You are just young and naive. You probably meant well, so just chalk it up to experience.

For the record, children enter pubescence at about 9 years of age, so it was, indeed, inappropriate for a female adult to be assisting with the bathing process. Moms can bathe their own kids, but by the age of 8 and 9, boys especially are going to feel self-conscious even when Mom is present.

As mentioned before, just chalk it up to experience, and move on.

Answer 11

Molesters come in all shapes and sizes, all ethnicities, all socioeconomic, and BOTH sexes. Not all molesters are "bad men".

Most 8 and 9 year olds can bathe themselves. But I can see your reasoning in this one. However, I can also see the other child's mother's reasoning. You are an adult and there was really no reason for you to be in the bathroom with them. You could have and should have just left the door open so you could hear what was going on.

Chalk this one up to experience and move on. Apologize to the child's parents and assure them that nothing inappropriate happened. You will understand when you have children of your own why they became as upset as they did.