'Top' or 'bottom'?

Question

OK, this sort of relates to a question someone else posted, but I was wondering before that:
Why are so many men who identify as 'tops' keen to make that clear? (I don't mean in personal ads, obviously that would make sense, but I mean in general answers on here a few guys seem to like to point it out.)

If someone is strictly a 'top', are they actually worried that someone might think the opposite, and if so, why is that?

(And by the way, I'm not accusing anyone of anything, I'm just generally curious, because I haven't seen anyone on here declare out of the blue that they're a 'bottom'.)

In the UK, we also use 'active/passive' to describe sex roles - do you think that is any more accurate? (Because let's face it, 'bottoms' can go on top...)

And me? You can guess, if you like...

Oh. Hi Brittany. (If you've got a 360 account you can leave messages on my page if you want, I'll get them quicker. Thanks.)

Blackbird: No, sorry!

Does anyone have answers that don't relate specifically to dating, though? If you're trying to hook up with someone, then you need to know, but is it really just machismo otherwise?
It's starting to look that way...

I need a 'top' to tell me for certain. (I need one for more than that, in fact, but answering the question will have to do for now!)

To Blackbird, again: yes, it made perfect sense, but still only relating to hooking up for sex. I still like to think there's more to us than that, just occasionally. You can talk to someone, even another gay man, without sex HAVING to be a consideration, surely?

Answer 1

Perhaps a little gay machismo on display, but honestly I don't see it that often outside of discussions about sex or role play. I think it also might be a way to let strangers get a better idea of who they are, not necessarily boasting much like we might say what our ethnicity is. People (especially us Americans) love to label everything and this is just another way we do. And lastly some respondents are also putting out feelers looking for Mr Right or Mr Right Now, one click of the mouse and you could be in Yahoo personals, so they are indicating they might be available.

Good question!

Answer 2

There are many confused gay men out there, have little respect for themselves..somehow feel that bottom is less "manly" than top. But, if there were no bottoms, what would the tops do? It takes two to tango, and being a bottom is much more difficult, both before and during than being a top. I have no idea where all this discrimination comes from, but it is ridiculous.
As far as passive/aggressive, NO, not the same thing. I have known very aggressive bottoms and very passive tops...one has nothing to do with the other. I have know very effeminate tops, and very butch bottoms...no telling what you are getting. The smart guys don't make an issue of it, they just look for whatever is opposite of them. Dumb to pick up a bottom if you are a bottom, and vice verse. I suppose the world belongs to those who are really versatile...thankfully.

Answer 3

Easy to answer your query.

guys who love to f-u-c-k need to make that CLEAR from the get-go or otherwise there will be frustration if both guys prefer to penetrate and nobody wants to get dicked.

Personally I used to like the terms "stud" for the top and "Queen" for the bottom. I still prefer them.

I always make it crystal clear that I'm a submissive bottom - cause I don't need another bottom with me. that won't work.

Tops need bottoms - and bottoms need tops. Thank God for making some of both.

Well now tonight you can say you read someone actually DECLARE that he is a submissive bottom who likes to be dicked. It's my job and it's what I do best.

Like I always say: when a real top - meets a real bottom - GOOD THINGS HAPPEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I rest my case. by the way - are you a top - are ya?????

P>S> to Jboywonder: did my answer not make perfect sense?? I tried my best - it's such an obvious and easy thing to figure out - why a real top OR a real bottom must make that clear from the get-go or else there will be sadness & frustration for both guys. Makes sense, Huh, Bro ?????

Answer 4

Well, I believe that it is a matter of some people who wish to make it quite clear that they don't take the passive/receptive role in bed. Some don't like it and find it painful, for others it's a machismo issue, and for some it is simply a matter of stating up front what they are "into" if and when a "date" reaches that point.
Quite frankly, I see it as a good thing to know your compatibility in that manner before awkward moments become even more awkward.

Answer 5

It has always seemed to me that there are more people who prefer bottom than prefer top. I know some people are versatile, but this has always been my perception based on my experiences. I remember one time when I was out at a bar until closing time, and a group of guys came out and one said "where are all the tops tonight" and they all laughed in agreement. I would be surprised if I heard the opposite from a group of guys asking about where the bottoms were. I think tops usually make a point of saying that is their preference because it seems that are the minority. To be honest, any time I've been with a guy he has always wanted to be the bottom with one exception, and that one exception changed his mind and wanted to be the bottom for the rest of our relationship.

Answer 6

In some cultures, a man is not considered gay if he only penetrates other men. And, of course, you see the same sort of primitive attitude in prisons, where gay men are raped by heterosexual men who would never think of themselves as bisexual. (And no one else in that world would either.)

And there's a little bit of a carry over of that to men who make a big deal about being exclusively top. It somehow makes them a little less gay, or it makes them more masculine....in their minds, at least.

They might not admit it, even to themselves.

Oh, and for what it's worth, in my experience most gay men are not entirely top or bottom. And some don't really go for anal sex anyway.

Answer 7

Usually to be a top, it means that they are the more masculine one in the relationship, the one who dominates. Where bottom is the submissive one. Usually if a bottom will go on top, they say either, not just bottom.

When someone usually makes the point of saying 'top' usually it just means they want to make sure the other one is submissive, and not wanting to lead in bed, or either the relationship usually either.

Answer 8

Well I like being the 'bottom' if I'm doing something with a guy so maybe they just want to make sure they don't end up with a guy who has the same interests as them? Like in example, I wouldn't want to have sex with a bottom because what are we going to do? Buttsecks? lol

I hope you see where I'm getting at here?

Answer 9

I think there's still an attitude among a lot of people (yes, even gay people) that the penetratee is somehow weaker or less of a man than the penetrator.

Answer 10

I think they are being very clear in advance because they don't want to be pressured into being a bottom.

I actually am neither. I don't like to do it that way. I can't blame tops for being very clear well in advance to avoid an uncomfortable situation.