Convenience...?

Question

Do you think most parents only parent when it's convenient or necessary?

What I mean is when parents only say "no" when they have time. Only play when they have time. Only potty train when they find it convenient. Only discipline when it's gotten to a point of no return.

In other words they are not consistent because they only discipline, play, or pay attention when it's convenient t to them.

I hope this makes sense! I've just noticed lately that a lot of parents I know do this. How do you think it effects a child?

I'm not talking about when parents decide to do things. I'm talking about parents who put off things merely because they don't want to at the time when it's needed.

How am I trying to force how I feel on anyone else? LOL--It was merely a question!

Answer 1

It's a good observation and it shows that you are intuitive. The answer to your questions is yes.

It's not hard to be a parent but it's hard to be a good one.

Most parents feel if they provide food, shelter, a few toys and video games, they're doing a great job. The single most important job for parents is to embed self esteem or self worth within their child. This is done in so many subtle ways but most parents are extremely lacking in this job.

"Fatigue makes cowards of us all" As parents, we tend to take the easiest way out when we're tired.

Sometimes parents lie, tease and try to manipulate their own children and have no idea of the damage that is being done to them. When a parent loses a child's trust it's all over.

The greatest used excuse that parents give is' " I did the best that I could" well, that really means is " I won't except personal responsibility for not trying hard enough and taking short cuts and being too tired to do the right things involving my children.

Answer 2

A lot of parents are not very consistent these days. But then again discipline isn't like it used to be when kids were actually afraid of what was going to happen to them if they did something wrong. The kids have all the rights and parents have none. Both parents work more now than ever before which also puts a time restraint on doing things with the children. Taking care of the household take time away form the family. I do tell my kids "NO" and mean what I said. They can beg and plead all day long and the answer is still "NO". I don't know if it is so much convenience as it is less time to do what we want.


RE: your added statement. I know more kids that act like that than parents. The kids expect the parent to jump if they want something,but if the parent wants something the kid does it whenever they feel like it(if they do it). My kids are learning this now. If I ask them to do something and they don't do it or get around to it whenever, the next time they want me to do something I will do the same thing to them. That old adage come into play "you get what you give". They are finding out that they don't like it.

Answer 3

Wow. I hope not. I love my 4 children and spend a great deal of time with them even when it is not "convienent". I elected not to return to my job after my first child was born although I loved the work I did and the money was sure nice. I homeschool my children and take many trips to zoos, natural history museums, science museums, and so on. Our vacations are planned around the kids so that get the opportunity to see things such as Niagera Falls, the Atlantic ocean, Gettysburg, Washington D.C. sites, and so on. I read to my kids, teach them crafts, and so on. In over 17 years I have spent less than 20 nights away from my children and these were due to the birth of the other kids or when I was staying at the hospital with my dying father.
As far as discipline, I have left restaurants in the middle of a meal with an ill behaved child, and have spent hours listening to tantrums rather than "give in". Perhaps you haven't been watching the right parents.

Answer 4

I know several parents like that and it drives me crazy!

My friend has a 2 year old and he will get a stick (for example) and start poking his 3 month old little brother with it. She'll stay sitting there on the couch ( instead of getting the stick asap like I would to protct the 3 mo olds eyes) and repeat over and over, "Don't do that. Tyler, I said stop that. Tyler. Stop it. Do you want time out? I'm gonna put you in time out. Tyler. Tyler. I'm seriuos. Stop poking your brother." This will go on for like 5 minutes then when she does FINALLY get up he drops the stick and runs away, and she just sits back down. What the hell?

He is a sweet kid and I love him dearly, but his parents are teaching him that he can basically do what ever he wants without the fear of consiqueces. He is a living terror these days and it's ALL the parents fault! I've been trying to tell her the importance of child safty but she still lets him play with what ever he wants so he won't cry. They let him sit on the counter and stir the food on the stove - untill he spilt the pan of grease on his hand and went to the ER. The let him play with coins - until he choked on a penny. Theu even let him play with a bebe gun until I told her my children weren't allowed at her house or with them at all unsupervised.

I feel so bad for the kids, because once they start school they are going to have such a hard time adjusting to the rules. I have a feeling they are going to get into a lot of unnecessary trouble because they were never taught how to behave properly!

Answer 5

Yes, I think it breaks down into 3 groups of parents....

1. There are people who want kids, & people who have kids. Those kids unlucky enough to draw those parents who just had kids (in the lottery of life) are the worst off.

2. There are some parents who wanted kids, but on paper. They think/see all the good sides of having kids & are blind to the bad things about it. They have kids & then the reality of having childern kicks in. They find that all quiet or alone time is gone. Your life is no longer your life but shared with others. So the fun wears off real soon & then they do just what is needed to get by in the law & the eyes of others to have average kids.

3. Finally there are those who want childern. They understand all the work that comes along with being a parent. They do not see it as a loss of anything but a chance to mold a person into something good. They will take the good with the bad cuz they see the good as always outweighing the bad. They will help the child with school, social situations, encourage their interest, make all holidays special, and let some people say "my childwood was awesome". Those kids who draw these parents in the lottery of life are the best off. It is just a shame you get to pick somethings as simple as which of the 33 flavors of ice cream you will have on that visit, but not the parents you will have.

Answer 6

I think a lot of parents are busy with their jobs. I think they take care of the providing part first and the raising part after that. It's probably necessary in a lot of cases because the economy ( I think especially in America) demands this from parents. It's a shame though because a lot of children will grow up to be unhappy adults. Anyway that's my opinion. I don't think it's beause most parents are unwilling to raise their children.

Answer 7

yes I totally agree with you especially on the discipline part of it, if a child has no consistency they will not know what is right or wrong like a child who has consistency. That is the main things with children is they need consistency. It helps them in lots of ways.

Answer 8

I think consistency can be a very important part of parenting, and yes many parents lack it today. I believe that some parents are lazy and don't want the responsibility of rearing their children, while other parents work very hard at it.

Answer 9

of course there are parents like that. In the end you can only do what you know is best for yours. No reason to dwell on how shi**Y Some people are it gets you nowhere. Be the best parent you can to your kids the rest has nothing to do with you. You can't fix the world you can't force how you feel on anyone else

Answer 10

YES, yes and yes!

It affects the child more than you think. They grow up without manners, without boundaries, without respect for them self, without self control and without the parenting that should be there for them.

I see it ever day. I see what it has done to children.

It is very, very sad indeed.

Best thing you can do if you do not already have children is learn from their mistakes.