My dad......?

Question

I'm the only person I know who had a dad like this, nobody even has one similar....lol, most of my friends parents are things like doctors or own their own businesses or whatever.

He was a long haired rocker/hippie/outlaw. I don't remember him ever having hair shorter than his shoulders. He was constantly listening to music, or playing it on his guitar. I grew up listening to the Stones, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Tom Petty and all the greats. He was an artist, a poet, a musician and on the whole a good man. There's no other word for him except for cool. He was smooth...lol, everybody liked him. He was intelligent and sophisticated and the best man I've ever known. Unlike some other fathers, he did things with me and actually enjoyed them.....just simple things like playing cards, but it meant a lot. There's no words to truly describe him, but that's the best I can do.

Ok, this might have seemed lame but I just felt like telling a bunch of strangers about my late dad. I'm 18 now and he passed away 3 years ago, and I constantly think about him. I enjoy remembering my dad, but I'm just coming out of a depression that was triggered by his death. Sometimes though (and often) I can't help but think about him.....especially during major moments, like when I got my license. Any advice on how to deal with this better, because so far I've been doing a crappy job.

Answer 1

I think instead of concentrating on how much you miss your Dad, you should instead concentrate on how he would feel about you achieving those milestones.

My Mom died 6 years ago. I still miss her very much. But I find that if I think about what she would have told me, I have her voice playing in my head, still giving me the advise that she found appropriate for different situations.

You know what your Dad would tell you for getting your license. Or for getting your first serious relationship, etc. Allow yourself to relax and HEAR his voice in your head. I don't find anything wrong with this, and find it very comforting.

Grieving takes a long time. But you need to allow yourself to move beyond the negative emotion of knowing that he won't be with you, to the postive emotion of knowing what he would have told you had he been there. (And just maybe, he is.)

Answer 2

So sorry to hear about your Dad passing, he sounds like a great man and father.
I lost my Dad when I was 2 years old, I have a step Dad now. (I'm 15 ) he's been in our family since I was 4 or 5.
He doesn't do anything for me, we fight a lot.

I think about my Dad when I was young and he did a lot of stuff with me. I wish he was hear because he actually loved me, he did stuff with me.

My Step Dad I know he probably loves me, but she sure as hell doesn't show it.

I'm sorry not really advise, I honestly don't know what to do to feel better. Some times when I go for a run it makes me feel better because I feel like I could run across the world when I'm upset. Or even going to an empty field where no one is around and just SCREAM. That can help a bit too.

Again so sorry for your loss, he does really sound like a great Dad....

Answer 3

FIRST, be thankful you had a dad who actually found the time to be with you and share his life with you. I read all the time in the news about horrible dads doing terrible things to their families. I had a GREAT DAD too. We are, aparently, one of the few lucky ones.

Now to your problem. You have a lot of emotions and stress built up inside. The only way to really get them out is thru exercise. This relaxes the body and increases the chemicals that makes you feel good about life.

There is not enough room in this column to go into detail as to what you can do. I suggest join a gym or write to me at my site and we can discuss this further. But you should do daily is stretching and aerobics, every other day, weightlifting. Not something complex, about 15 minutes of your day each day.

You will feel better, be better focused, and have great memories about your dad for the rest of your life.

Answer 4

Sounds like your handling it in the best way you know how. I mean your dad really loved you and was there doing things with you. That is something you will carry with you your entire life. There is no time frame on grief. If you can you might think of all the good times you had and the laughs and smile about them. Maybe the problem is you never told him how much he meant to you? If that is aproblem, write it on a piece of paper and then put it in the river. Him being a hippy I think he'd like that and even get the message. Write down your thoughts about him in a journal too.
I'm sorry you lost him.

Answer 5

Wow, your dad sounds so much like my parents. Such a familiar sounding story.. It sounds like your father was a wonderful man. My heart goes out to you. I'm sooo sorry you lost him. I lost both of my parents at a young age also so I totally understand what you are going through. My parents weren't the average stereotype parents either and I am so glad for that. I lost my dad first, then my mother. I am an only child. Unfortunately I dont have a miracle cure for the pain and depression but I will share with you how I cope with my loss. To be honest I am 34 years old now and it still hurts like hell. Holidays, birthdays, etc. are really hard for me. What I do is try to remember and cherish the best of times we had. Never try to forget about your dad. Always hold him in a very special place in your heart. If you think about it... you know your dad loved you so much that he wouldn't want your life to be sad or miserable because he is no longer with you. He would want you to hold your head up and smile and make the best of your life. When you have children of your own you should tell them all about their grandpa and what a great and wonderful man he was. Make sure they see pictures of him and hear about all the good times you and him had. Try to pass on the things he taught you to them. This may sound silly to you, but on special days like the anniversary of their deaths, birthdays, etc., sometime I go buy balloons for myself and my kids and we say a few words for them and release them in their honor. I feel like if there is a heaven they both have to be there so hopefully they will get them. Like I said, this probably sounds crazy to you, but it does help me to feel better. I have a warm feeling like they are watching over me and I'm sure your dad is doing the same.

I also have a special Christmas tree ornament for both of them that I put on my tree every year. It brings me nice memories.

Tears were flowing as I wrote this.

Best of luck to you,
Samantha

Answer 6

You have to accept it that he is gone. It is inevitable that during your life time you will remember you father and miss him. Especially if he was a very good man. I kind of know how it is to miss someone. Our mother died when I was 3 years old. I barely remember her, and still I feel like I miss her. I wonder how it would be if she was alive. So, it is okay to miss him and don't look at it as if it is a drawback in your life. However, you have to know how to deal with this reality. Remember that if he came back and saw you in such a dreadful situation, he would not be happy. I bet he is pissed off at you for not dealing with it and hurting yourself. Keep him in your heart and know that he is always watching for you. When you have having fun, laughing, and joking around, I bet he is smileing and feeling happy about it too. You have a heart, I hope, and keep him there. No matter where he is or how far he is, he will always be in your heart.

Answer 7

*hugs* I had a cool dad too. It took me at least 3-5 years to get over him. It's a really tough process. It's a struggle every day. I hated the platitudes people said like "he's in a better place" or something. I thought "Well he's not HERE!"

What I finally came to realize is that my dad wouldn't have wanted me to suffer at all about his death. His heart would be breaking knowing how much pain I was in. So now I just have photos, fond memories, and I'm proud to tell anyone about what a great wise and funny man he was.

God bless you hon, you'll get through this, one day at a time.

Answer 8

Keep to the happiest of memories, as it seems this might be what he'd like you to do. You were lucky to have a Dad who cared, as many don't get that at all. Sounds weird, but the song that came to mind when I read your query was a Pink Floyd song..."Shine On You Crazy Diamond".
(Obviously I refer to crazy in the nicest, more wonderful sense of the word!)
Just be as happy as you can, and allow yourself to be a little more happy tomorrow, and even a little more the next day. Sounds simplistic, right? It sure is, I agree, but the simplest of things usually seem to be the best.
Good Luck to you, and bless both of you, too.

Answer 9

You are doing fine so far. The best way to honor someone after they have pasted is to remember them, and tell everyone. As far as the depression issue, go see a grief counselor, they are trained to help with this.
I am sorry for your loss, but happy for your father. He is in a better place, and he sounds like a up right guy. One I would have been proud to call friend.

Answer 10

you were very lucky to have had him. Relaxed Dads who actually spend time and attention on you are rare. Many Dads ignore the kids and then try to make it better by spending money on them. Time and shared activities with no time limits are best. Don't even bring a watch I think, or a cell phone.

My Dad was not a hippie and didn't have much time but he always made time for somehow anyway. It made me strong. He is still with you I think.