I'm 20 and my boyfriend, Craig, is 25. His bestfriend John and his girlfriend are coming up the night before Thanksgiving. I'm very shy and was dreading going out because I'm not legal to drink, and his friend and girl are the party type. Point is, while my boyfriend suggested we go to a restaurant, Craig insisted to go to a bar, and I was uninvited. Literally. My boyfriend informed me, and was very polite about it and did it the right way (explained that Craig insisted on going to a bar).
I'm not mad at all or even offended (I don't get mad easy). I'm not upset at all with my boyfriend, but I think it was a little rude of Craig to insist on going to a bar when he knows my age. Either way, I would NEVER cross the line and say something to him about how I feel, but does anyone agree with me that it was a little rude / inconsiderate of Craig? Also, do you think my boyfriend should've put his foot down more?
Either way, I'm definitely relieved to not be going due to how shy I am!
2006-11-18 06:06:38 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Oh, and I mean that was it rude of his friend to insist on going to a bar after he knows my age? (I'm not going to be one of those stupid little girls who gets a phony ID). I was thinking we could've gone out to eat and then they could've all gone to the bar.
2006-11-18 06:12:32 · update #1
Rude? Not really. I know a lot of little girls responding will tell you it is but that's because they're being selfish. They have no idea how to see the point of view of someone else, and just think the world revolves around them. At least you had the intelligence to ask the question.
Consider. Craig is 5 years older than you, which at 25 is a lot. It's 25% of your age - a lot. He's probably known his best friend for ages and they have a long history together - one that you're not a part of. Almost assuredly Craig was a partier before he met you, just like his friend was. And while John met a girl much closer to the two of them in terms of socializing and going out, your bf saw other qualities in you.
So John is coming up to see his best friend. That's the whole reason why he's coming. To see his best friend and hang out - and hanging out means going to a bar and getting hammered. That's what they want to do, just like the old days. John's gf is down with that, but you can't go, both because of your age and because you don't want to.
So now you're asking if it was rude of John or Craig not to completely change the whole reason for getting together to accommodate you? Are you suggesting John and Craig NEVER go to a bar until you turn 21 (remember, the only reason John's gf is going is because she's a partier.) And really, after you turn 21, since you're so shy and don't like drinking, are you suggesting every time they go out they NEVER go to a bar, just to be nice to you?
Maybe they could have gone to a restaurant first. If I'd been your bf I probably would have suggested that. But understand they would have been extremely GENEROUS to accommodate you in that way. But because you're being self-centered about all this, you think it was RUDE for them not to suggest it. Like I said, at least you're asking the question. Most of these girls responding fully expect to be the center of everyone's universe, and would fully expect John and Craig to completely change the nature of their friendship to accommodate them.
As a guy, I think you should let Craig and his best friend enjoy their friendship. Stop trying to make this all about you. And stop listening to girls who think the entire universe revolves around making themselves happy.
2006-11-18 10:23:18 · answer #1 · answered by ZenPenguin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you go along and be the designated driver? I used to go to the bar at age 18. As long as I didn't drink they let me shoot pool. Maybe the laws have changed since then. At 18 you're an adult. I'd insist on going. I think it's rude of both your friend and your boyfriend to leave you out. It's not fair to pin this on Craig only.
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2006-11-18 06:17:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what circumstances your boyfriend based the decision on. Perhaps he knew you were uncomfortable and might be relieved to be free of the obligation, so he first suggested a plan where you could go to be polite, but then accepted his friend's proposal because it also kept you from having to go, when he knew you really didn't want to. And then you didn't have to turn down a double-date that you had no interest in, so you still kept up appearances in front of his friend.
However, if he was simply thinking, yeah, we'd all have more fun at the bar, he sounds childish and irresponsible. Men can be that way sometimes, though!
2006-11-18 10:07:14 · answer #3 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
John was very rude to chose an activity that would exclude you. Would he suggest going to the movies if you were blind? Or rock climbing if you'd just broken your arm & were in a cast?
Your boyfriend absolutely should have pointed this out to his friend- "Hey man, why don't we do something we can ALL enjoy?".
If he's unwilling/unable to think/say that, then maybe you might want to reconsider your relationship. Seems to me either he's just "naturally" thoughtless, or he doesn't care enough about you to stand up to his friends for you- either way, you deserve better.
2006-11-19 18:45:09 · answer #4 · answered by Its Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that your boyfriend's friend could have made an effort to at least include you in part of the evening. It would have been much more considerate for everyone.
I also agree with other posters that your boyfriend should have stuck up for you more to try to include you in the evening. The other poster, Mike, I think is right when he says that your boyfriend isn't likely to change if he is like this at 25.
It's awesome that you don't have a fake ID and aren't out there looking for one. You go girl!
2006-11-18 06:35:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's incredibly RUDE, and it sounds as if you are too good natured to say anything about it. This guy Craig shouldn't have insisted, knowing you are underage, but the bottom line is that your boyfriend should have put his foot down, and said he wanted you, his girlfriend, to be included, of course!!! I think you take too much! Also, don't put yourself down just because you are shy. I think you deserve better!
2006-11-18 06:21:55 · answer #6 · answered by Lucia 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Normally one does not visit uninvited. But it is correct to pay a social call of a few minutes and then leave it to the host to invite you back.
2016-05-22 01:09:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is definately inconsiderate...
i think a fair comprimise would have been for you all to go out to eat (there's a lot of restaurants with bars in them and sports bars and other places where you would have been able to go legally and the others could drink)...or you could all go eat and then the guys could go to a bar for a bit afterwards......
and i think it was rude of your boyfriend to go along with his buddy and not take your side at all.....
2006-11-18 10:42:35 · answer #8 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you still go? Just because your in a bar doesn't mean you have to drink. You could be the designated driver.
2006-11-18 16:07:09 · answer #9 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know guys can be kinda stupid when it comes to knowing what to do, but having a boyfriend like that recently, his reasoning would have been that he can be with you anytime or all the time, but his friend is coming for this occassion, I'm sure he figures he'll be able to do something else with all of you while he's there
2006-11-18 06:10:40 · answer #10 · answered by Mystee_Rain 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋