Am I alone in this situation?

Question

I am the mother of a 17, 15 , 13 , and 10 year olds. They never clean anything up after themselves! They cook and leave the mess, which includes stupid things like egg shells in the sink let alone the dishes. They leave the living room in a constant state of a mess. They have their friends over all the time and feed them our food which we cannot afford. They think it is the end of the world if they don't get to run around on the weekends with their freinds. They don't even clean their room untill their dad is totally pissed after telling them forever. Then they don't get why we are so mad. I feel like I'm forever stressed with all of this. Just about all I do is clean around here and do laundry and cook meals. I feel bad just for getting on here for a bit to relax alittle. Just got through arguing with them about helping to clean. I have to finish cleaning and go to work in 2 1/2 hours and make supper before I go. Am I alone in this situation?

Answer 1

NO! My mother has 4 other kids, and including me 5! I'm 24 now and moved out quite a while ago, because I couldn't stand the chaos anymore! Her other kids run completely reckless- your description is a perfect mirror image. My mom is too submissive. I've tried to help my mom get a firm grip on her kids, before they drive her insane. This is what I tell my mom- make a commitment to yourself- don't let your kids get away with anything. Stick to your guns- and make them do what you ask before they do anything else. If they don't like it tough. They won't hate you, they will love you for it later I promise. You have to play tough sometimes or they will walk all over you. Don't think you can't gain control over your kids, and ultimately your life. They need to really realize how much you do for them and how much you mean. They need to be helping you. Stay strong and stand up!
hope this helps :}

Answer 2

Honey, I am sure you are not alone in this situation so listen up all concerned: 17,15,13,10 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay here we go... First set all 4 down and lay down the new LAWS of living in your house! 1st- to the 17 year old, If you want to use the car or ( If they have their own, doesn't matter) You will have your room clean by such-n-such a date before the weekend or NO DRIVING PRIVILEGES. 15 year old, If you expect to visit your friends over the weekend the same rule applies...CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM! 13 year old, whatever plans you have for the weekend will not happen if your room is not clean and the same for the 10 year old. Now that is just the beginning since you should be keeping YOUR ROOMS CLEAN. Rule #2 If the house is a mess, guess what????????NO FRIENDS ALLOWED until it is cleaned up by you. #3 Older siblings---DO YOUR OWN LAUNDRY! MOM you should not feel bad or guilty at all for reaching out for a little help. Stand up and do not let them take advantage of you any longer. Good for You. If all else fails........GO ON STRIKE FOR HOUSEWIVES EVERYWHERE1 NO MORE MRS. NICE GAL! TELL YOUR KIDS I SAID TO SHAPE UP and stop stressing you out. I know what it is like to work outside of the house and still come home and have to work another 4-6 hours at home. It's time to unite MOTHERS of the working world, and fight back. Don't back down mom, you have taken the first step now put those kids to work. (Just a few more incentives for the kids to do their work or ELSE...NO COMPUTER!!!!!NO PLAYSTATION!!!!!! No DVD, Radio, NO CELL PHONES, NO PHONE usage at home, No calls coming in either. No going to the movies. No eating out. etc. ) If they do their chores, then they will be rewarded with a special privilege. Try this and see how it works. I really do wish you the BEST. Mom from Pa.

Answer 3

No offense intended but you brought this on yourself. Kids need to be taught from day one to follow certain rules and respect the household. It can be done without becoming a complete tyrant but is much, much easier when they are young.

My solution is a little draconian but it works and I seldom have to give the same demonstration twice. I tell them to clean their room. If it isn't done by the deadline I set I take a trash bag and clean their room for them. Everything goes in the trash that is not where it belongs. I never repeat an order, I take action when my rules aren't followed and my kids have learned its better to believe me the first time. Once I've tossed out a few of their prized possesions and made it clear that they will not be replaced they see the benefit of following my instructions promptly.

If my kids won't clean up in the rest of the house they lose the privilage of using that room for a given period of time. They also do not get any money from us unless they help keep the house clean. They are all required to do their own laundry and help with the housework. If they don't do their laundry, they can wear dirty clothes. You'll be amazed how fast they learn that one.

Although I've never had your problem with food I have a suggestion. Give them a bill for it when they feed their friends without your permission. Then deduct the money from any allowance they get. They get the message pretty quickly.

The last is freedom to run around. First off, that's a privilage not a right. They can go out when their responsibilities are taken care of at home. You are the boss! If you say no, then its no. Don't argue and don't discuss it, they should know why they were told no. If they don't like it have them write a few hundred words explaining why they think you are wrong. In my household, neatness, grammer and punctuation matter and they don't have any privilages like going out or using the phone until the writing is done. If it isn't well done I tear it up and they can rewrite it. If they want to argue about writing they can always do another couple hundred words on why they think my rules are too strict.

Sound harsh? Again, I mean no offense but I think anything less is a form of neglect and you are going to cause your kids all sorts of problems as adults if they don't understand about their responsibilities. Your job is to teach them to survive in the outside world and those are survival skills.

My household is actually a fun place because its very low stress. We have fun and laugh a lot because the parents aren't elbow deep in cleaning up after the kids or always fighting with them about it. I know I sound mean but I get along with my wife and kids, they respect me and I respect them.

Answer 4

Goodness! My kids are 6 & 3! They know to clear their space at the table. They know to clean their room and now they both are doing their own laundry. They have their own day of the week that is laundry day. I supervise while they sort their dirty clothes. We wash and dry and then I assist them while they fold. Then they put them away. When I clean the house the often ask to help and I allow them to. My oldest takes out the trash. They both help with the animals. They each have a night they have to cook dinner too. The key is to start young and not do everything for them. My kids know the rules in our house and if they are unsure they ask. It sounds to me like you did a lot for your kids growing up, and didn't expect too much from them. But look where things have ended up.

I think you're going to have to have a family meeting. Sit them down and tell them what is expected. Let them know you are not happy about how things have been and they have to change. Then lay out the consequences. Let them know what will happen if they don't follow your rules.

Good luck!

Answer 5

you are not alone
but I have not have todeal with things like that because
from the time my children can walk I made them pick up after themselves
I am your mohter not your made and if you want a made you need to pay, everyone in my house do ironing except me
I wash, I do not clean fish, I do not mow the lawn, nor do I mop the floor
we used to have a maid (the person the used to babysat them)
but 2 years ago over the summer I told them how much it is costing to have a maid an it is coming out of their money (such as college & vacation,future cars ) they voted that they will do the work
so far it has been working out great,
they are 17 14 & 9
you mention here that you have to cook dinner before going to work that is a NO they can do it
prepare the meat (seasong) and left direction for them to get their dinner cook
it you who have to put your foot down don't wash their cloth if it is not in the laundry room already sorted
and they fold and put their clothes in their room
you have to start dividing the work
Good luck

Answer 6

I am sorry...at 10 they ALL need to do their own laundry.

Stop washing their dishes. Wash just enough dishes too feed you and hubby. Don't buy the foods they want. Just buy enough for breaskfast, lunches, and dinners. If you buy snacks and that for you and hubby lock them away.

If you STOP doing all their stuff, they will have to pick up somehow. I suggest taking off their bedroom doors (yes...off the hinges). And the only way they can have them is if they earn them. One mistake, and they are taken away again. Teens like privacy. Take that away and I hope they will start cleaning up better.

Also consider taking away computer, NO CELL phones, no cars, not ANYTHING!!!!!!! If they need computers for homework, tell them they can go to the library. They are not entitled to use yours if they are going to abuse your house. I would not give them money, buy new clothes, let friends over ANYTHING.

They have to EARN everything back.

Answer 7

If kids feel that they can get away with things, these things will continue. Stop the friends coming over and take away priviliges. My kids dont get priviliges unless they clean up after themselves. You seem to let your kids walk all over you. Just put a stop to it. The 3 older ones can do their own laundry. Stop doing it.

Answer 8

this is your fault. you are alone in this you are the mom do something about it... you did not properly displine and train your children to be respectful people... do something about it now before they end up leaches on some one else and some body gets stuck having to live with these monsters you made. you need to tell them no friends over if they don't clean up. tell them if they wount clean up a mess they are not allowed to make it and will have to wait untill dinner. give them all a list of chores that they do everyday or they lose privleges such as going out with friends, tv time, car time for the older one, ect. stand up and act like the adult already.

Answer 9

no you arent, parents go through this. ok no offense or anything but its sounds to me that your children are spoiled, and it sounds to me they always get their way. take their cell phones privillages away and take their tv,friends,computer privilages away until they clean their rooms up and keep it clean. and lay down the law there put your foot down. take no back talk or disrespect from them. make them know your the boss and in charge.

Answer 10

No you are not alone there are many other parents getting tired of their kids not taking up to their resposibilities. And believe me some parents got it more worser than you do. some parents got their children doing drugs and having sex. But you should do more than yell at the kids. You should get more strict and im sure you know how to if you really tired of it.