Ok I've been dating this guy for 5 years and I'm ready for marriage. Yes I know its just a piece of paper but I want a child. My profession & morals says I should have a child only in wed-lock.
So this is the situation: He knows I want to get married but if I mention it to him he changes the subject or makes a joke about it. Laughing at me or rolling his eyes. I know he loves me and our relationship is a normal happy one. We do have the occassional fight but that's just about it. He has told my sister that he can't see himself with anybody else. But this is so frustrating to me!! HELP! What should I do? Move on or be patient?
Thanks!
2006-11-18 05:50:09 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yeah I'm 34 and not getting any younger. We do live together.
2006-11-18 05:59:50 · update #1
Maam, I am 22, married, and my wife just had our first baby about two weeks ago. I respect you for wanting this life. I too have a code of morals like unto yourself. I would suggest; try to talk to him, and if he does what you say he has already done, then try to sober him. I f he really loves you, he will listen to what you have to say. You need to have a conversation of soberness; you need to let your feelings come out in full so that he can see your seriousness. If you truley want it with all your heart, show it to him with tears. Remember, five years is an awful lot to throw away by moving on. Keep trying; be patient.
2006-11-18 07:12:14 · answer #1 · answered by wmb3377 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With some people, making a stand and developing serious comittments are a scary thing, or uncomfortable. It could be an internal desire to remain with you versus an external demand to remain with you. If we are wanting to be comitted then it comes from our own interests, where as if we are subjected to having a legal binding of comittment, then it becomes intimidating.
You should try to sit down and ask him why he is concerned about marrige. A good long talk between the both of you will be beneficial. Just remember to not take anything he has to say as means of defensiveness, cause if you do, he is liable to shut down, and not relay they real answer to why he has this unattachment in marriage. Let him do the talking, and it doesnt hurt to interject questions periodically throughout with short questions.
Now I am basing this on the fact that he does have real feelings for you.
2006-11-18 05:58:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You are patient. I think that he's maybe not the kind who wants to settle down. Also, I think it takes some guys a long, long time to see themselves with a family of their own. He may not be ready for kids just yet. After all, just because you may want kids right now doesn't mean he has to give up his right not to have them. You don't want to be selfish in your relationships, but if he's not ready to get married after 5 years, then you might be waiting for another 5, just hoping every day that maybe this will be the day that he'll be ready. It's a gamble, and it's all up to you.
2006-11-18 06:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by LoLo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if he isn't ready to walk down the isle, Montell Williams says that he never will. However, I have been with my guy for eleven years and we are just planning the wedding. There is nothing wrong with old fashion morals and values, heaven only knows that is so hard to find in an individual. Take a bow he is the lucky one. If he hasn't whisked you away in the next year perhaps it is time to set him straight. Sounds like any guy would be lucky to wed you and father your child.
2006-11-18 05:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by sexxysback 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fact is, you can't rush anybody into a marriage. I think he does love you but is just not ready. Maybe he's preparing himself for marriage as we speak, so don't rush him. I'm afraid that if you continue to ask him or mention it, you may pressure him and scare him off! Thats not good. I suggest that you wait and continue in making this relationship get better and stronger and deeper. Its the most sensible move right now.
2006-11-18 05:57:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As Dr. Phil would most likely tell ya.......he's afraid of commitment. Sure you can stick around another say........5 years, be in the same position, letting your life go by. It's not a "normal" relationship when he makes fun of the fact that you want to marry him and have a child! That's showing very little respect for your feelings. As tough as it might be, I'd move on. You'll get over the heart ache, but you'll never get over wasting anymore time on this bum!!
2006-11-18 05:55:19 · answer #6 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, it's not just a piece of paper. It's an exchange of vows, promises to each other. It's a committment. These mean something.
People who love each other are willing to do this. They make a committment to the other person. People who aren't willing to do this are usually thinking more of themselves, and contemplate a time when they might want out of the relationship without a hassle.
I'm not going to presume I know what's best for you to do. You already know and are seeking reassurance here.
Best of luck and a happy future to you.
2006-11-18 05:57:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, yet he sounds like a Boy and you're finding for a guy. i won't have confidence that he did no longer convenience you whilst your mom become interior the well-being facility!! it fairly is a huge purple flag in my view. It sounds like he only does not care. Or as is being stated by using your acquaintances, he's only too immature to care. the two way, i'm optimistic there are quite some different adult adult males wandering around your college that are emotionally mature adequate to handle you like the dazzling lady which you're. i'm thinking it fairly is fairly helpful to enable this one flow considering that he's not being a powerful boyfriend. reliable good fortune.
2016-12-30 14:54:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he isn't ready for commitment, but you are. You might get commitment in time or you might not. I suggest you move on and hopefully this will wake him up.
As far as a child goes, I believe in marriage first, also. It's in everyone's best interest, especially the child's. I would prefer to hear the words " I do" before I hear "push".
Good luck.
2006-11-18 05:58:27 · answer #9 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you, like he has said to you sister, he should be man enough not to be scared of marriage. Is there a past you do not know about? His parents or friends that were burned bad in a bad marriage, or something.
Does he really knom how serious you are about this? In sports lingo that he might be familiar with....It is time to step up to the plate.
2006-11-18 06:57:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋