Military wives out there-HELP!?

Question

My fiance is going overseas in a few months and it kills me to think of it. when he was telling me that he was leaving i thought he was joking! i don't know what to do. i try not to think about it, but i know i have to face reality some time. any tips that worked for you? how long has your man been away/serving? where is he?

Answer 1

My husband has been to Iraq twice, the first time for 15 months and the second for 10. He leaves again next summer for another year. The thing that helps me the most is being around other military spouses and families, because they know what I am going through (and don't ask annoying questions like "how do you do it" or "what would you do if he died" or say things like "I could never do that, it must be so hard waiting on him.") I know that being around military families may not be an option since you may not live in the town with him. The first deployment we weren't married yet and I lived in a non-military area. It was different but I was able to find a couple of people (reservists wives, etc) that were going through the same thing. If you can't find someone to hang out with, try an online support group, Yahoo Groups has a lot of them for military girlfriends/fiancees.I also do my best to stay busy, which for me has meant going to school full time. I am graduating soon, and I am planning on doing a lot of volunteer work and staying home with our baby on this next deployment. Anything that will keep you busy and keep your mind off of it as much as possible is a good thing. I also recommend writing to him as much as you can, every day if possible. I like to tell him about my day and "talk" about the kind of stuff we'd talk about if he were home for dinner. That way I don't feel like he's missed out on a whole year of my life. Mail - letters, pictures, packages - are always appreciated when they are deployed.

I know it sucks, but after he has been gone for a little bit you will get into a routine. You will also learn what works for you and what doesn't. I found that the second deployment was easier because it wasn't such a new experience and it was easier for me to get into my "deployment routine." I have also found that if you wake up and tell yourself that it's going to be a good day, and don't allow yourself to do otherwise, you will feel a lot better. Good luck with his deployment and know that everything will be ok because you love each other. When he gets home all the pain and sadness will be worth it, I promise!

Answer 2

MIne retired in 2004, but I lived that life for over 18 years as a military wife and two as a military girlfriend and fiancee. I'm proud to say I watched him get sworn into boot camp and was there for his retirement ceremony. And I was faithful 100% of the time.

Every time mine was gone, I used the time to try different things I otherwise wouldn't have done. I took clog dancing lessons one time and lost 35 pounds! (I've gained it back since - boo hiss.)

Good communication is essential - and not just by e-mail either. That old fashioned mailed letter is a great thing too. Each of you can hold it in your hands and know the other held it too. Send him goodie boxes frequently. Communicate with him every day in some way - e-mail, handwritten letter, etc.

Make sure that whatever activities you decide to do are totally above reproach. Some military wives/fiancees have given all of us a bad name. Don't give anyone even the tiniest reason to tell him you're cheating on him. Make sure he knows that you have no intention of doing it - then live like you don't! Don't put yourself into situations where you may be tempted or where others may think you are looking for another man. And make sure everyone knows you're engaged to a military man, you love him very much, and you are bound determined to be faithful to him.

If your fiance's family lives close to you, do things with them and keep them posted on what you do. Don't think they won't watch you like a hawk - because they will. Mine told my then-fiance that I was cheating on him because I was "at the mall with some guy named George." George was my brother, who they had never met. They accused me of cheating on him another time too and it wasn't true. That time he told them he knew I wouldn't do anything like that.

It's a very rewarding thing being a military wife. They say that which does not kill us makes us stronger - and it's very true.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I would definitely marry before he leaves, so that you have all the rights and priveleges of a military wife.

I was married to a military man for 15 years, and he was deployed many times. We wrote lots of letters and my best friends were the wives of the other men in his unit. They understood what I was going through and we compared notes and supported each other.Those were the things that got me through it.

Answer 4

aww sweetie, i KNOW how scary it is. I've been through many deployments.
you will always have that sick feeling in your stomach until he gets home.
stay busy. email him...write him, send him care packages with things that you know he will love getting. take pictures and send them. focus on the good times you had together before he left, talk w/him (when you get to) about what you guys will do when he gets home.
do you have a support system? parents? friends? have them keep you busy!
my husband has been overseas several times (he's been in the military 11yrs, been deployed 4 times)...he will leave again in February. i keep busy with the kids ( we just had a new baby girl in March)...but yeah, it gets lonely. allow yourself a good cry once in awhile, but pick yourself up afterward, and continue living....sulking won't make the time pass faster.
it's a HARD life, being a military wife, you become very very tough. BUT that man will love you madly if your able to be strong enough to wait for him to come home to you hon.
i wouldn't change anything about my life w/my military man. he's my rock. this life is hard, but it has made me who i am.
and if you need someone to talk too....just send me an
Y!A email. ((HUGS))

Answer 5

OK I AM DEPLOYED RIGHT NOW AND I AM ENGAGED BUT MY GRIL IS HERE SO IT ISENT THAT DIFUCLUT BUT BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER I WOULD LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE GETTING CARE PACKAGES LETTERS ECT AND I HATE TO SAY IT I AM INFANTRY BUT I WOULD CRY BECAUSE I HAD NOBODY TO SEND ME ANNYTHING SO REMBER THIS THE SMALLEST THING FROM A PEACE OF PAPER WITH YOUR SENT TO A CARE PACKAGE WILL DO WONDERS ON HIS END NOW WITH THAT SAID HE WILL LOVE YOU MORE BECAUSE WHEN HE NEED YOU YOU WERE THERE THAT IS ALL WE WANT ANNY WAY IT HELPS YOU TOO IT IS A WOMANS INSTENCT TO TAKE CARE OF HER MAN AND BY SENDING THINGS YOU ARE SO YOU TO WILL FEEL BETTER REMBER THAT MAIL TAKER FOREVER AND A DAY SO DONT BE EXPECTING A LETTER BACK IN A COUPPLE OF DAYS IT WILL BE MORE LIKE WEEKS

Answer 6

If it's love it'll last. I am in Military and have deployed many times. Just find u a hobby/ something to keep u busy. By all means don't marry him before he leaves..

Answer 7

well mine is currently deployed. he will be gone til may. the best advice i have for you is to spend as much time together. go ahead and get married too. while is is gone write lots of emails and letters. they love getting mail. prepare care packages. stay busy. the busier you stay while he is gone the faster the time will fly. feel free to email me anytime i know what your going through. and go ahead and cry it does help and you will do it alot

Answer 8

(Not a Military Wife here but yeah) Make sure he knows you would never cheat on him, and dont cheat on him, whatsoever. MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THAT. That will make his time over there ALOT more bearable

Answer 9

stick by him and find a hobby to keep you busy stay away from clubs and tell all the men you meet your married and that will help you through it

Answer 10

poor guy..straight to hell IRAQ ...pray for him ..so do I ...and all the troops out there in iraq