I've been secretly admiring a girl on-and-off for 10 years. what shd i do?

Question

This girl was my secondary school classmate. We used to know each other only barely. But God knows how many times i peeped at her during lesson instead of looking at the board. However, i was a shy boy (though still is) and the fact is that she had boyfriends one after another THROGHT OUT the teen years. and God know how many times i felt sour and my heart sank whenever i saw her with her guy(s).

During the poly years, i had a girlfriend and she was having a relatively more committed relationship. so my heart was with my girl at the time and hence u can only say that i have been a secret admirer "on-and-off" for 10 years.

OFF, is when i have a gf, my heart have no one else. and even when i'm single, i won't fall for a girl who is attached.

ON, is for the times when we were both unattached. it kind of give me hope bcoz she is available. For the past 10 years, i never take any action for these "on" periods.

For the past 2 months, we kind of reconnect our communication. Bcoz i'm studying in uni now and she is working, we have chance to chat for few hours daily on MSN. (mon-fri working hours only though, coz she don't usually use msn at home)

From recent chats,
she told me that she is now single, and she mentioned that she is not a late-queen for dates nowadays.
And after she know that i used to have one painful and hurtful relationship, she said that ppl have to move on and "if there's a good girl whom u like then give it a try"
She also claims that she only regard herself who had only 2 relationships coz sec sch histores are just childish ones.

We talked a lot rubbish, shared a lot of views, joked a lot and "suan" each other a lot and i feel (or maybe only i feel)that we start to have some connection.

So, last week, i managed to find some courage a said..

"you wrote on my sec sch autograph book that i can call u anytime, so.. can i call u tonight??"

but she replied "lol.. i have a dinner appointment tonight."

I was rather disappointed. I thought, if she doesn't mind me calling she would have state a time or sth.

But soon after, she said "next time we catch up with a movie, after your exam?", "when your exam finish?", "talk is cheap, fix a date now"....

so, our tentative date (or sec sch class monitor-monitress re-union if putting it mildly) is 3 dec!! just 2 days aft my exam. But the point is that we only chat on MSN and have not advanced into phone-talk and constant sms-es.

I keep thinking of her recently. and thinking..
Shd i postpone it? coz i just had a bad haircut.
what shd i say? how shd i behave? will i just blush and panic? is that anything in my walldrode that can match her smile and style? shd i pay for everything? where shd we eat?? It's not like i don't have experience.
Although i had gf before. But this time is different. She is a special person to me. (else i won't admire her for a decade
So now i'm like completely anxious and excited at the same time.

She is a very pretty girl to me. i looked at her that way for the past 10 years. so it's not like i'm saying this coz she is grown up now and having her own fashion taste.

But i have a low esteem of myself. coz i don't think i have the look. and that i'm just a poor student who owes the bank loan of $18k.

The tough point here for me is:
IS there another guys who express interest in her?
DOES she already has someone in mind?
when shd i tell her my feelings? the feelings that have been kept inside me for 10 years?
Should i buy her a present (and say it's christmas present) for that day?
Should i just write a love letter and confess everything? (probably not coz she might freak out)
What shd we do after movie?
OR.. after all, she might actually just take it at friendship level and that i am thinking way too much?

I feel that, sooner or later, i have to confess my feelings for her and give it a try. else i'll only keep thinking of her and suffocate myself.

What shd i do?
1) Taking it easy and naturally? (i think she will be taken by another guy if taking it slowly. coz she is just such a nice girl)
2) Show my feelings soon? (what if she got stunned and don't talk to me even on msn)

I'm so paranoid!! How i wish that behind every girl there is a equation and by solving it, you understand her thoughts and have her loving you!
(haha.. i'm engineering student)

Can ppl out there advice me? Especially girls. I would be glad to hear your opinons. Thanks a lot if u manage to read finish this essay.

Answer 1

A girl is not an equation to solve. A girl is a human with all the complexities and irrationalities as any other human. Like you.

For example, imagine her trying to make an equation out of you.
Boy who likes me + my availability = A date

Instead she has this:
Boy who likes me + my availability = Boy who keeps waffling and is afraid of a bad haircut.

Of course, it does make sense if one rearranges the equation to this:
Boy who likes me + my availability + Boy who is more afraid of failing and would rather fantasize then risk failure = Boy who keeps waffling and is afraid of a bad haircut

Your choice is simple:
1. Grow some courage and try it out. Finally find out one way or another. OR
2. Live in your fantasy world.
Only you know which is a better option for you.

And btw if you go for Option 1: Do NOT buy her a present. That's too much for a simple first date -- romantic or friendshp. Do NOT write her a love letter -- that's also too much.
Just GO ON the date. Go to the movies and then catch a bite to eat. At the end of the date, ask her if she'd like to date you again? That's how it's done. And also -- pay attention to how she ACTUALLY acts and how you actually feel, as opposed to this fantasy you've developed over the years. You may find out that once you go on a date with her, it's not what you expected. Be realistic. Good luck.

Answer 2

Man, its been 10 years. Be a man and tell her how your feelings are because if you don't, she might just go with another person sooner or later. Confidence is a must. If she reject and just want to be friends with you, hey at least you've tried. And then just move on because like the old saying goes, there are so many other fishes in the sea. Yup, I understand how wierd love is. But we just can't get everyone to give the same love like we expect right. Cheer up and good luck!

Answer 3

You're making a freaking mountain out of a molehill and frankly, it's rather pointless--gosh, you're not even dating the girl and you're this emotional and paranoid. STOP THINKING TOO MUCH AND ACT UPON YOUR FEELINGS. Nothing will happen if you keep dwelling on what ifs. You have to seize the day and just tell her that you like her and ask her out. If she says yes on going out then problem solved, but if no, move on with your life--life is too short to deal with problems like these. You can think of better things to do with your life rather than obesessing about something that's not even there yet.

Answer 4

All I can say is, life has given you the longest chance in history. If you don't take that chance now, you won't know. Waiting that long is like torturing yourself. If you really like her for this long, why keep on admiring her secretly? Don't wait till someone takes her away from you. "No guts, no glory!"
If you need help from an expert try going to that link, he may help you get the boost you need. Good luck :)

Answer 5

Ask her out because if you don't and you watch her marry another man you will sit and wonder if that could have been you I to fell in love with basically my best friend and he finally got the courage to ask me out 2 years ago. Give it a go I bet she has feelings for you to.

Answer 6

Dude! just tell her how you feel. What is the worst that could happen? Be advised, If she considers you a good friend then it is game over.

Answer 7

you tipe to much just ask her out and ps you can make a book out of that question

Answer 8

Keep stalking!