I've been secretly admiring a girl on-and-off for 10 years. what shd i do?

Question

This girl was my secondary school classmate. We used to know each other only barely. But God knows how many times i peeped at her during lesson instead of looking at the board. However, i was a shy boy (though still is) and the fact is that she had boyfriends one after another THROGHT OUT the teen years. and God know how many times i felt sour and my heart sank whenever i saw her with her guy(s).

During the poly years, i had a girlfriend and she was having a relatively more committed relationship. so my heart was with my girl at the time and hence u can only say that i have been a secret admirer "on-and-off" for 10 years.

OFF, is when i have a gf, my heart have no one else. and even when i'm single, i won't fall for a girl who is attached.

ON, is for the times when we were both unattached. it kind of give me hope bcoz she is available. For the past 10 years, i never take any action for these "on" periods.

For the past 2 months, we kind of reconnect our communication. Bcoz i'm studying in uni now and she is working, we have chance to chat for few hours daily on MSN. (mon-fri working hours only though, coz she don't usually use msn at home)

From recent chats,
she told me that she is now single, and she mentioned that she is not a late-queen for dates nowadays.
And after she know that i used to have one painful and hurtful relationship, she said that ppl have to move on and "if there's a good girl whom u like then give it a try"
She also claims that she only regard herself who had only 2 relationships coz sec sch histores are just childish ones.

We talked a lot rubbish, shared a lot of views, joked a lot and "suan" each other a lot and i feel (or maybe only i feel)that we start to have some connection.

So, last week, i managed to find some courage a said..

"you wrote on my sec sch autograph book that i can call u anytime, so.. can i call u tonight??"

but she replied "lol.. i have a dinner appointment tonight."

I was rather disappointed. I thought, if she doesn't mind me calling she would have state a time or sth.

But soon after, she said "next time we catch up with a movie, after your exam?", "when your exam finish?", "talk is cheap, fix a date now"....

so, our tentative date (or sec sch class monitor-monitress re-union if putting it mildly) is 3 dec!! just 2 days aft my exam. But the point is that we only chat on MSN and have not advanced into phone-talk and constant sms-es.

I keep thinking of her recently. and thinking..
Shd i postpone it? coz i just had a bad haircut.
what shd i say? how shd i behave? will i just blush and panic? is that anything in my walldrode that can match her smile and style? shd i pay for everything? where shd we eat?? It's not like i don't have experience.
Although i had gf before. But this time is different. She is a special person to me. (else i won't admire her for a decade
So now i'm like completely anxious and excited at the same time.

She is a very pretty girl to me. i looked at her that way for the past 10 years. so it's not like i'm saying this coz she is grown up now and having her own fashion taste.

But i have a low esteem of myself. coz i don't think i have the look. and that i'm just a poor student who owes the bank loan of $18k.

The tough point here for me is:
IS there another guys who express interest in her?
DOES she already has someone in mind?
when shd i tell her my feelings? the feelings that have been kept inside me for 10 years?
Should i buy her a present (and say it's christmas present) for that day?
Should i just write a love letter and confess everything? (probably not coz she might freak out)
What shd we do after movie?
OR.. after all, she might actually just take it at friendship level and that i am thinking way too much?

I feel that, sooner or later, i have to confess my feelings for her and give it a try. else i'll only keep thinking of her and suffocate myself.

What shd i do?
1) Taking it easy and naturally? (i think she will be taken by another guy if taking it slowly. coz she is just such a nice girl)
2) Show my feelings soon? (what if she got stunned and don't talk to me even on msn)

I'm so paranoid!! How i wish that behind every girl there is a equation and by solving it, you understand her thoughts and have her loving you!
(haha.. i'm engineering student)

Can ppl out there advice me? Especially girls. I would be glad to hear your opinons. Thanks a lot if u manage to read finish this essay.

Answer 1

wOW! Are you British? It is of no consequence, or course, but the more I read the more you sounded like someone from the U.K.
Anyway, in some ways it is sweet that you have admired this lady for so long. The romantic female side of me thinks it has great potential to be a wonderful love story. That's the problem. Love stories are just that..stories. In reality you sound like a stalker. It is just not that serious for this girl. She probably sees you as an old school chum she would not mind spending an evening with sometime.

It seems to me that you need to move on with your life and get out more. Consider it just a date. I thought only women thought things through this deeply when it came to relationships. Hearing a man confess to such flights of whimsy (the gift, the love note confession, et' all) is a little creepy to be honest. Sensitive is nice, obsessive is just creepy. You sound obsessive, or at least quite immature and inexperienced. Almost a stereotype of, well, an engineering student.

Don't confess undying love. Don't buy a gift. Don't write the love note. Don't sweat the haircut. Just pick her up. Take her to dinner, enjoy the moment, escort her home and tell her you'd like to see her again.

You've waited 10 years, so you have time. Get to know her. Hopefully she lives up to the fantasy you've created all these years.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Man, its been 10 years. Be a man and tell her how your feelings are because if you don't, she might just go with another person sooner or later. Confidence is a must. If she reject and just want to be friends with you, hey at least you've tried. And then just move on because like the old saying goes, there are so many other fishes in the sea. Yup, I understand how wierd love is. But we just can't get everyone to give the same love like we expect right. Cheer up and good luck!

Answer 3

First of all, you have to relax. Don't fret too much about this. Keep your cool and don't panic. Have you tried calling her? Well, its easier to have that "connection" when you hear each other's voices every once in a while. On the date, be yourself. Look her in the eye. Compliment her, but not too much coz it might embarass her or make her feel awkward. Just act normal. Don't do stuff just to impress her. Don't talk too much about yourself either, she will only think that you're arrogant or self-absorbed. If you can't think of any topic to talk about, ask her about her career, her interests, sports, her types of music, etc. Don't be afraid to talk about really random things - be spontaneous! It makes the conversation exciting and interesting. Try to make her laugh. Let your personality shine through and show off your sense of humor. Good luck! =)

Answer 4

Hey, take it easy! I hate to say this to you, but you are really rushing into things. Be natural and just go out with her as a friend. You have to realise that love can't be forced and you should let nature take its course. If she likes you, you could be bald and she'll still think you are great. But if she doesn't like you, so be it. Tell yourself that 10 years had been a long wait and if nothing comes out of it, then don't waste another 10 years on her!

Answer 5

If u go on your date plz don't get as long winded as this girls don't like that . she goes to the bath room like everybody else and it stinks like every body elses!! sweety at the begining and end of the day she is only human and have been waiting for ten years for you to make a move and you are still thinking toooooooo much.this poor girl have ben giving u so many hints god get a clue already!!!!!

Answer 6

I think it has to be the sweetest thing ive ever heard and you should go for it... Don't waste anymore time waiting around, that would be foolish... You'll never know her feelings unless you just ask and you can do that without even asking. A nice card that has your secret admirer in it or an i love you in it.. Just be yourself and relax... dont whatever you do have expectations- they ruin everything.... just be sweet to her and that is a good way to win her heart and being a friend to her...

Answer 7

Continue your relationship as it is. Keep asking her to go out either for dinner, a movie, etc. Keep the relationship on a friendly level until she begins to show signs that she is interested in you. If she is, she will let you know. If not, just support her as a friend.

Answer 8

Get out of obsession. I think u must be pretty bore to ur gf also. Learn the art of good and precise communication.

Answer 9

Gather up your courage and tell her. Ask yourself "Am I more scared of rejection or regret?" Telling her face to face means a lot more than just writing notes and telling on msn...

Answer 10

Go up to her and tell her how u feel before u lose your courage and no matter what never stop chasing her until ur sure u dont want to anymore.