My Mother didn't want us.....?

Question

I'm a grown up now, and I'm just figuring this out now. My mom was always angry at us....she ignored us when ever she had the chance. I have a son who is 13 now.....she hardly knows him. It seems she is incapable showing love to anyone. She hated everyfriend I had growing up...than she did the same as an adult....Not sure why...my brother and I have done so well, we have great lives...we are very nice people who have a lot to share. I think if it weren't for my mother...we would be closer to our father. I guess I'm all grown up and I'm finally figuring this out...I have a cold hearted mom who would rather ignore her kids..Has anyone else gone this as an adult? It has taken me a lot of soul searching,......now I'm not sure how to handle it??.........Please any advice out there????

Christmas is coming, my mom and I have not spoken in 6 months. Now we have become estranged so this has complicated things even more....Im not sure if spending Chritmas together is a good idea?? Christmas is the one time we have always got together...only this year might be a different story..it seems that our feelings for one another have come to surface....

Thanks everyone for the great advice so far...I have never talked about this to anyone....I bit embaressed I guess!!

Answer 1

There's really not much you can do to get your mom's attention back . She has decided not to care about you, and will probably stick to it throughout her life. You say that you have a 13 year old son, so your mother should be quite old . Usually, the aspect of having grandchilren will make elderly people forget troubles they had with their own children and accept them. But you say that your mom hardly knows him. That would mean that she just doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Maybe it's some kind of trauma she experienced when she had you and your brother? Mother's never ignore their children for no reason. You should really try to ask her..

You just have to learn accept what you are going through, and try not to act the same with your child. Give him the best attention and love that a mother can give, so that he doesn't have to live the life that you had..

Hope the advice was helpful to you.

Answer 2

I'm not sure of this, but probably she's acting that way because she didn't intentionally want to have kids. Usually, these type of people were teenagers who got pregnant or mothers who didn't want to have kids. They act like this because THEY THINK that having children "ruined" their lives, or you and your brother remind your mom about your dad, and she probably hates your dad, so she passes on the hate to you. But I assure you, someday she will realize that her children was the best thing that happened to her. You are all she has, and if you went away, I'm sure she will feel empty and alone.

I'm happy that you have lead a good life even though you weren't able to experience the love of a mother. =) Remember to guide your brother and always help each other out. God bless.

Answer 3

I think you are very adept to have soul searched and realized this yourself. I would suggest talking with a trusted person at length about this. A therapist, pastor or other clergy. I think you are smart and wise and because of your past you won't let this happen to your relationship with your child(ren). I am so fortunate to have had a mother who everyone loved, including me! She died a little over a year ago, and "Da Mama" was written on everything. That was her nickname, and I think lots of my friends had parents like you did, so they just naturally migrated to my house to use my parents. Why not find an older female in your church to use as a sort of surrogate mom? I know you're older now, but I'm only trying to give you heartfelt suggestions! I will pray for you, too!! Good luck, and God bless!

Answer 4

You are now an adult, have you considered talking to her. She is older now too. If this is not possible, then I suggest you go to counseling. You may not think you need it right now, but it will only benefit you and your family. As far as your father is concerned, why wouldn't you be any closer to him. Give him a call and tell him you want to take him out to lunch or dinner and make it a ritual, at least once a month or so.

Answer 5

Whatever she has done accept her as a mother. since she is old now and u have grown up u show kindness towards her and do not expect love from her. What all u have expected u give it to her. by showing your love and kindness, 1. she may realise,2 u will get a satisfaction, 3 God will bless you.

Answer 6

Yes I was adopted by grandparents and thought mom abandoned me after 52 yrs we got together-she couldn't remember dad since he involved a 16yr olds nightmare.Instead of critizing or laying blame I sat her down and said Mom explain to me all the trauma that prevent ed us from being together. I'm so glad I did.We had 2 unbelievable yrs together,a wonderful closure for me before she died with me beside her and her last words that freed my soul.
hope this helps
tootsie

Answer 7

I do not see why it should matter one way or the other if she likes you are not.
Maybe she never wanted children and your father forced her.
Just because you are older now does not mean your are emotionally mature.
Live your own life and leave your mother alone.

Answer 8

just make sure you dont do the same / some people are unable to show love the way we want . trust me just dont let history repeat it self > her lost not yours and worring about will not make it better , write it off as a bad check and move on to happier things.

Answer 9

I am sorry to hear that you had this happen to you and your brother. All I can say is forget she even exists. Love your kid like there is no tommorow and teach him that her behavior is wrong.
It will come back to haunt her later, karma is a b*tch ya know.
Take care.

Answer 10

Spen christmas at your in-laws. Hopefully, they care about u and ur family. If ur mom wants to be with u, she should approach you and apparently doesn't want to do anything with you. its the sad truth but u can't do anything else that wont make it worse.