My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. In the first 3 years, he was very abusive. He decided that he wasn't going to abuse me anymore and so far, he's done a good job. Also, there are countless of incidents that happened during our relationship where one would say to themselves, "Damm, they're still together after that happened?" It's like, after all the painful times we've been through, we've managed to stick together. And now that he's not abusing me, I'm just loving every moment with him. But the problem is this: WE HATE EACH OTHER. I haven't told him that but he tells me, along with other painful phrases. It's like this. In one hand, I realize how much of a great guy he really truly is and for that, I dont want to leave him because I'm afraid I won't find a good person like him again. And the other hand, he drives me crazy and I start to think like, I'm missing out big time and I just want to get away from him. I really love this man. I'm lost! Should I stay or go?
2006-11-18 00:06:39 · 15 answers · asked by My Kitten Concern 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you have to ask the question, then you intuition is telling you to go. After a long-term relationshp (and especially as we grow older), many people become fearful of stepping back into the dating world again. However, you are cheating yourself if you stay in a relationship where you are not perfectly happy. There are millions of people in the world, so odds are IN YOUR FAVOR of finding someone better. While you are in that transition phase, work on your own charcter and personal development so that your life will become richer. In that case, you will probably not notice time going by as fast as it does before you meet someone else.
2006-11-18 01:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by tcom1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go! You endured 3 yrs of abuse and although he's not being abusive now, you never know when it may surface again. You should get out while you're ahead and have some fun. There are many guys out there and so what if you're alone for a while? Get to know yourself again and make yourself happy first. Then the right guy will come along. Be patient and learn to live alone before you jump into another relationship. A good relationship should be loving, understanding and loyal to each other. Abuse shouldn't be in there at all. You still have a chance to know what a good relationship is like. Stop wasting your time with someone you love to hate and find someone you love to love. You'll be much happier in the long run.
2006-11-18 08:39:20 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen girlfriend, I have been abused for years, and it doesn't change. Believe me. They act nice for awhile and then when something happens they will start back at it again.
So, if you want some advice, get out while you can. Especially if you hate each other any ways. There are better people out there. Believe me, I found mine. But I had to leave a lot behind when I left. My 1st husband was very abusive. Hitting, punching, kicking, throwing me across the rooms. Verbal abuse. Sexual abuse. Do you want me to keep going? I think you got my point. All I'm saying sweetheart is that there is better people out in this world for you. And don't let any one tell you different. My ex use to tell me that I was no good for nothing and nobody would want me. And I believed him. But all these years later, I have the best man in the world, ( sorry, didn't mean to talk him, Ha Ha) and he doesn't abuse me in any way what so ever and do you realize how nice that is?
So, listen to your heart and gut feelings, not your brain. Because your brain isn't thinking right in the first place. And do what is best for you, not anyone else. Because you are the one who is important here!!!!
I'm sorry for carrying on like this. But you need to get things straight in your heart and realize what is truely important in your life.
2006-11-18 08:29:14 · answer #3 · answered by Deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy was abusive! How the hell does that make him a good man? Any guy that would ever raise a hand to a woman is a peice of sh*t! And now he says he doesn't love you. Honey, get out of that relationship!
You deserve a man that respects you and treats you right. You should be with a man that makes you feel good about yourself!
Get rid of this loser. And after you shed yourself of him, go see a therapist and work on yourself. I'm not kidding. You need to realize that you are worthy of so much more and that you should NEVER take that kind of abuse, ever.
2006-11-18 08:17:41 · answer #4 · answered by OranjTulip 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once an abuser there is always the big potential for the trait to surface again.
You need to ask yourself if this is what you want for yourself. A lifetime or set yourself free from it and make goals for yourself.
There is never, ever a reason to have to put up with anything you do not want to put up with. It is up to you.
This is going to be a hard situation for you to break off because you have put up with it for so long. But if it is not your decision and if you do not think about what you want and where you want to go in life it will not do you any good to leave. You will just end up back with im as soon as he begs.
You dear, need to do some serious thinking and decide what you want to do, where you want to be years from now. Make goals for yourself and yourself only. Work on those goals starting with the easy ones first. No one is responsible for your inward happiness but you.
Abusive people are not happy people and abusive people have no respect for the ones they abuse.
2006-11-18 08:11:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What on earth do you"love" about this man?...GAWD...I don't know why I keep answering these things, do you understand how really stupid you sound?
You can stick together with hemroids too but that doesn't mean it is a good match!!!!
If he says he hates you and "other painful phrases" what part of abuse do you think that isn't.????
If he is the best you think you deserve then you do deserve him, maybe our definitions of abuse are different but someone telling me they hate me isn't what I would call nice, get out before you get preggers and make society pay for your lack of judgement.....
2006-11-18 08:17:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship has been poisoned and will not recover from the past.
You both need to seperate and give each other a break away from each other to clear your head and maybe realise your better off alone or with someone else.
GOOD LUCK IN FINDING YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS
2006-11-18 08:31:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He beat the crap out of you for 3 yrs and now he says he hates you .... this is a bit of a NO brainer ...leave him and go find yourself someone who loves you ..... not someone who loves to abuse you
Gee Lady .... how much happier would you be if you found a guy who cared for you???
2006-11-18 08:10:20 · answer #8 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GO AND GO FAR AWAY.
This is not a relationship at all. it is heading for disaster.
you dont need a man like this.
After this length of time you should see that yourself.
go find a good man and NOW>
2006-11-18 08:12:07 · answer #9 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hang on!!!! did u say u hate each other. then what r u thinking abt. he might be a nice person, but thr's nothing going happening between u both except hatred. look out for a life kid. dont hang in around
2006-11-18 08:27:48 · answer #10 · answered by Mikeeee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋