This is going to sounds strange to you, but i broke up with the one girl that meant so much to me last sept, but we used to still stay in contact, although i avoided her everytime she try to meet me, she always said she loved me. over time i thought ok, lets get back together, 3 months apart, just kept saying she loved me, and at the moment i was preparing myself to get back, she tells me she met a guy on a bus, randomly, met him in a bar the next day and they kissed. -the weird bit for you guys i guess..... this hurt me more than anything else in my life....it broke us up, although we werent' together technically, but all that time she said she loved me, she went out meeting other guys to "get over me"...yet she kept telling me she loved me...so if she loved me why did she kiss the random guy...!.... since she told me, we havent spoken, but not a day goes by where i dont think of her, i've moved jobs, and city...still she's still in my head and heart.
What do i do..? any advice?
2006-11-17 20:40:58 · 24 answers · asked by City Guy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
NB..its been 15 months since we split.
2006-11-17 21:04:04 · update #1
NB..the reason for breaking up was because of her parents and her family, for her to be with me, she'd make a lot of them unhappy, and didnt want to be the cause of her unhappiness, as she is a really family orientated girl. - she'd feel left out.
2006-11-17 21:06:03 · update #2
just like Usher said, you gotta let it burn...i don't want to judge your ex, but it seems to me that she kept you in her life as her emotional crutch. she would meet other guys with a certain confidence because she had you in a glass case and in case of emergency, she'll break the glass and use you. the best thing to do is just move on. being friends is all good but for your sake, try to keep it as informal as possible (emails, texts, etc). you obviously care about her deeply and that's good but you have to take care of you first. the best way to move on is to live your life to the fullest.
2006-11-17 20:53:17 · answer #1 · answered by WreckinShop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the reason why you broke up, but it seems as if you were hoping that the two of you were going to get back together, but you first had to get your head sorted. But what you must remember is you broke up with her and although you avoid meeting her, if wasn't as if you ended all contact as the two of you would still chat to each other. So the relationship as far as I can see was over but the two of you ended it on a friendly bases. So she probably thought the same thing and assumed the relationship was in fact over so she could go out and kiss someone else.
So for you to suddenly stop speaking is very unreasonable. She probably does still love you, because you were her boyfriend, and due to this she loves you now as a friend. But the bottom line is you broke up with her, so you can't expect her to put her life on hold while you decide whether you did the right thing.
Yes it might hurt but you will get over it in time, and she will still be in your time for a while to come. But time is a great healer, but you can't blame her for this, as it was your choice to break things off with her
2006-11-17 20:55:22 · answer #2 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just kick her to the kerb and go cold turkey!!
You are her 'security blanket' at the moment, she doesnt want you (although Im sure she probably does have feelings for you), but she feels safe in the knowledge that she can get you back anytime she wants - it wouldnt be so easy for her if she had to go cold turkey and cut off all contact (unless she meets someone she really likes, as soon as she meets someone she's serious about you wont hear from her until things go wrong, then she'll be ringing you for support - she sounds like shes scared to be alone)
DONT be her security blanket - she's made her choice, she's out there trying to meet other blokes, you should do the same and then you will realise that there is life after this girl.
DONT make yourself available to her - I would avoid all her calls, or ANY contact with her, however, if this is impossible, then DONT do things on her terms - if you see her or answer the phone to her tell her you have company or are busy or in a rush or in the middle of something and you will contact her later (but DONT contact her later) - if she wants to meet up and you cant say no, then whatever date she wants to meet up on (i.e the following day) tell her that you are busy or have company, but you are happy to meet at a later date (say, Friday......... but dont go any further in making plans for meeting up on Friday, she will probably be put out by it anyway!!)
Its hard going, but its hard going at the moment for you anyway so you may aswell just sweat it out and rid her of your system.
BY THE WAY................. whatever happens, if you do take my advice, and then find that she starts asking to 'try again' etc DONT DO IT - that will only prove to her that she can get you back whenever she wants and the whole nasty cycle will start all over again!!!!! If you do want her back though, then follow the above advice, and no matter how much she begs for you to come back DONT, leave it for as long as possible (3months minimum - this will give her time to realise she wants you back so badly, but is not enough time for her to recover from losing you) and then start to let her in gently, maybe by going out for a drink (you will have to make out like you are doing it to help her get over you) but EVERYTHING has to be on your terms - the date and time you meet, the place you go to etc etc!!!
GOOD LUCK - dont be her doormat!!!!
2006-11-17 21:34:04 · answer #3 · answered by niccilicci 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very unfortunate. you both sound realy young. I would suggest that you get going with life. Do hobbies, meet new people, be open to fun experiences. maybe you could give her a ring later and see how she is but it sounds like both of you need space.
Also go get some counselling - I can tell that this has hurt you very badly and that it sounds like you would benifit on hearing things from a different perspective. 15 months is a long time. Maybe you could talk with her but it sounds like both of you are trying to get on with things the best way you can.
I will pray for you. good luck and take care.
2006-11-17 23:41:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe kissing that other guy was just so she could keep the sanity in her head, what in the world would you expect.... I'm thinking it would be for her to spend a life time in hell waiting for you and that's just not right and I know that girls situation because Ive been there before... She most likely is still hurting over you and your most likely to blind and stubborn to see that or even have the courage to contact her...
2006-11-17 20:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have some pride!
don't go back.
stop talking to her
it'll be hard and you may never get over her - but you know what - even that is fine - you'll loearn to live with it.
Time is a good healer - give it a year at least
You deserve to be treated well!
it's not your fault
she's doesn't love you - she is taking you for granted because she can!
Meet some new people - put yourself out there and find the one who is right for you!!!!
2006-11-17 20:51:17 · answer #6 · answered by winky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what kind of advice you are going to get. She loves you is a BIG TIME LIE/. She is playing you for a fool. There is an old time song called "Let Me Go" One of the lines suits the situation, "You don't want me but you want me to go on loving you. Her words are garbage she should be known by her actions. Don't call her NEVER EVER. If she calls you hang up. Thank God, that you 2 never married because she would committ adultry. Find anyone You don't have to love her BUT occupy your time.
2006-11-17 20:49:11 · answer #7 · answered by devora k 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go get your girl back!! But make sure you put the past behind you before re-entering the relationship!! Give the girl a chance to prove what type a person she is!! But my motto is 3 strikes your out.
2006-11-17 20:59:06 · answer #8 · answered by tiffany 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TRAVEL,,,,when u see different parts of the world ,u take yourself out of the cave you are trapped in at the moment,, you will appreciate life,, seeing different cultures with fresh eyes will make u wiser too,if you have a big heart, you will send her postcards from anywhere, and if oneday you meet again,, you will have wonderfull stories to tell,, she will feel what she.missed out,,, good luck buddy
2006-11-17 20:58:59 · answer #9 · answered by easyasalife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as hard as it is to accept, it is possible that she was leading you on. Keeping you on a string so to speak. She knew you wouldnt go anywhere. you were hopelessly and totally devoted to her. As long as she kept hope alive in your soul she knew she had you as a backup.
Then something "Better" in her mind came along, and she didn't need the back-up or security that you offered. Because, as long as she kept you on a string, she wouldn't feel totally alone...and when she was with someone "Officially" she no longer needed the sense of companionship.
To me? it sounds like she played you. Im sure its happened to more guys than would admit it.
2006-11-17 20:46:09 · answer #10 · answered by Shaide 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋