2006-11-17 20:03:26 · 13 answers · asked by crazykid 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Well I can't speak from experience, but I have a friend who just reunited with her daughter...
I think it's most important to react authentically (i.e. if you're angry, let yourself be angry, if you want to cry, cry, etc.), but also to let your mother know that you feel you need to react naturally rather than forced. I'd recommend telling her that you're open to exploring a relationship, so long as everyone can be real.
It seems to be working well for my frind and her daughter... they've learned a lot about themselves through the mirror of family and are growing closer daily.
Best of Luck!
~ Lady Ament
2006-11-17 20:07:24 · answer #1 · answered by Apple A 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd definitely approach it with an open-mind and be interested in knowing more. You mother was obviously going through a difficult time in life, and you may have had some difficult times as a child of adoption, maybe you can start there by sharing experiences openly, not in a way that brings blame, but by sharing common hardships. And who knows, along that path you may find even more in common on which to build an important relationship. The fact that your mother is meeting you now (whether she initiated the contact or whether you did, her just agreeing...) shows that she has some interest in knowing how life turned out for you...and probably more than that, probably some regrets for the decision that was made. Let bygones be bygones, maybe you have found an important new branch in your family tree.
2006-11-18 18:22:54 · answer #2 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm adopted and have thought about looking up my birth parents. If I was to meet my birth mom, I'd give her a big hug and a peck on the cheek and then we'd sit down and talk for hours. I'd want to know everything about her, her life, my father, my 1/2 brother. I don't have any bitterness at all about being adopted. My real Mom and Dad are my adopted parents.
2006-11-18 22:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by paperorplastic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I couldn't say...if you are not ready to meet her...then wait. You know it is really up to you and you only!! If you have any questions that you need answered ask..be prepared that you may hear answers you may not like or even worse you hear lies.
The best thing that can happen is that she will see that you have had a good life and she will be grateful that you two can maybe be friends. After all....I'm sure it was a hard decision for her! If you are angry...let her know...if you're happy let her know this is your opportunity to say and ask what you need in order to understand. Keep in mind that your parents ( the ones that raised you) are really going to be the best support you could ever need. if you have a sibling take him or her with you to meet your biological mom...you could really use the support.
I wish you luck and courage and I hope that you find the answers that you are looking for!!!
2006-11-18 04:20:58 · answer #4 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe i'll be thrilled and excited. Then I would ask her reasons for putting me up for adoption. Then I will try to weigh things over...if my life as an adopted is well and can lead me to a brighter future then i would surely thank her ...but...if it's the other way around...i will ask her...if she's happy to see me in this kind of situation. Then...after hearing her side...i will go and forget having meet her.
2006-11-18 04:18:41 · answer #5 · answered by dimma59 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wasn't adopted but was told the man I knew as my grandfather was really my biological father. I had the hardest time accepting this, partly because my sister told me, to spite my stepfather (whom I knew as my dad) and the fact that I was only 11; hardly mature enough to handle the blow. But even at aged 18, I remained in denial because he was so much older than my mom and I was concerned that their union was definitely not from love (she did tell me so many years later) and questioned what did that make in regards to the other siblings.
My father died and I never made it a point to get to know him though he requested me to be a "daughter" to him. He kept reminding me that he was my father (once he knew that the secret was out) and I would not accept it. It's too late for me to do a simple task for him - be his daughter.
So, speaking as mom, be her son. I am sure there are strong circumstances for her to have made that decision.
2006-11-18 06:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by terryoulboub 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all...your REAL MOM is the woman who raised you! Your birth mother carried you for 9 months! If you initiated the reunion, then just talk to her and get to know her, you may find some common traits or habits, or even find out some important medical history.
2006-11-18 22:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the time I found out I was adopted, my birth mother had died, at only 36. I found out from other relatives why she gave me up (was only 16 - massive parental pressure), and regretted never being able to meet her.
When I talked to my birth father, I thanked him for what was, for them, a very hard decision.
Frankly I was just grateful they'd chosen to go ahead and have me, not end the pregnancy.
Remember when you see her, that whatever you're feeling is valid, but remember she probably had good reasons for what she did.
2006-11-18 04:27:09 · answer #8 · answered by Cracea 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You react as you would react to any other long lost relative, and you respect them as human beings and you find out what their life has been in so many years. Who knows, the mom may have regretted loosing the child since she did it.
2006-11-18 04:13:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
hopefully with an open mind, and try to understand what the situation was that caused your adoption, and what your mother has been dealing with for the last 20years.
Its natural to feel a whole host of emotions, just try to keep an open mind, and be honest, and see where it takes you.
2006-11-18 04:12:36 · answer #10 · answered by holdon 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋