Question for Christians about discussing something with my husband?

Question

Okay, I would greatly appreciate it if I ONLY heard from Christians on this. It isn't that I don't value the opinions of others, because I do, it's just that this is more of a Christian matter.
Alright, long story short, I just became recommitted to God, and my husband, who is agnostic, is having a REALLY hard time with it. He's constantly calling me names over it, making fun of it, and swearing more than usual just to annoy me. I had almost broken him of using God's name in vain, but now he's doing it constantly.
He says I'm a "cultist", because I want to go to church, (I just started attending a couple weeks ago) and I love the people there, and the feeling I get from it, so much that I just want to be more involved.
So how can I explain it to him, without preaching? EVERYTHING I say about God, he construes as preaching to him, but I can't stand it when he puts down my God.
If he wants to ask questions, fine. But I shouldn't have to tolerate my own husband...continued...

Insulting me for my beliefs.
So how do I explain this to him? How do I explain that it's not even close to being a cult?

I'm not pushing my beliefs on him. I simply believe, and I don't bring it up unless he does. BUT I have made it clear that this is where I stand, and that my relationship with God comes first.
I know I don't "need" church to be a Christian, but I WANT church, and I've found that it has helped me "grow" more than I ever thought it would.

What's weird is, he IS friends with several Christian couples. We both are. He's said that they're "good people", yet he calls me a cultist.
I pray about this constantly, ever since I completely gave my life to God. I pray for peace, wisdom, and patience.
Should I not defend myself? Just let him say whatever he wants, and disrespect me?
I don't believe that for a second. He shouldn't disrespect me, ever. That's what I told him last night, when I'd just about had enough of it. If he doesn't agree with me, fine. But I respect HIM, and HIS opinions.
Why should he not respect me and mine?
I know the Bible says wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, but it also says that husbands are supposed to treat their wives with respect.
I'm holding up my end. He's not holding up his.

Great answers so far, thanks everyone!

Answer 1

youl have to show him the love of god.

Answer 2

Okay.... I know you only want to hear from Christians on this, but I've been in your husbands place. In fact, my wife and I divorced over this very issue about a decade ago. You've done a fine job of listing your complaints and fears about this here. Do you know what? No one here can answer these things better than your husband. I promise you, he has fears and concerns about it too.

Communicate with HIM about it.

Before you do that though, you might want to try to understand some of the reasons he may be against your involvement in the church. By that, I do not mean to become aware of them just so you will be less insulted when he tells you his specific reasons. I mean to put forth an honest effort to understand his point of view on the subject. To do anything else may place your family unity at risk.

This is a lesson that my ex and I both learned too late. Due to some long heartfelt conversations (after the fact), we get along better than we ever have before.

Look, you married this guy for a reason. Whatever that reason was, it was apparently not because you believed he was a "good" Christian. If you have an ounce of love for this guy, it is in your best interest to communicate with him. It may not be easy at first, but surely, if you love him, it is worth the effort.

I'm certain he has some resentment he needs to get out, and he may not know how. He is probably supressing a very broad range of emotions ranging from fear for his wifes mental and emotional wellbeing, to anger at her betrayal of him. Make no mistake m'dear, you have betrayed him in the deepest sense.

You have betrayed him for someone he does not even believe to exist! Try to imagine how that must feel. How do you think you would feel if he had an invisible friend that you did not believe in, then he suddenly begins to tell you that his invisible friend means more to him than you do?

You should think about that long and hard before you talk to him. You have said here that you should not have to tolerate certain behaviors from your own husband. Why on earth do you believe he should tolerate those same behaviors from you? Food for thought...

I wish you well.
-SD-

Answer 3

I think the biggest thing you can do is pray for your husband. The second thing is to be an example to him through your actions and words. (1 Peter 3)
1 Corinthians 7 also talks about your situation. If he is going to believe, it will be because the Holy Spirit has worked on him. If he thinks everything you say is preaching, then I would avoid bringing it up. Let him initiate the conversation about matters of faith. You need the support of some of the women from your church. They will be able to steer you in the right direction and keep you encouraged. Don't be discouraged, your heart is in the right place.

Answer 4

You should sit down with your pastor or one of the elders and explain your situation. Here are some questions you need to ask yourself: Is your husband causing you to sin? Is he preventing you from putting God first?

He sounds controlling and is clearly subjecting you to mental and verbal abuse. While these are not grounds for divorce; they may call for a temporary separation.

I know this is hard for you, my sister. I too was unequally yoked. It is difficult, if not impossible, to explain the presence of the Holy Spirit to a nonbeliever. That is why you need the council of your church leaders.

I agree with most of the answers that you have received so far; you should be an example in your works. But you do not have to stay in an abusive situation.

God bless you, I will pray for you.

Answer 5

Well lets see.. first of all is there any reason why he would suspect its a cult? Secondly, you know you can't force god onto someone else. It just doesn't work! I say if this is something that you really want to become more involved in go for it but don't preach to him. Maybe try telling him this is something you need for yourself and ask if he would like to attend with you. You may need to give it sometime for him to come around. He may be feeling like you are replacing him with this new found passion. You may just need to reassure him of your love so he doesn't feel so threatened.


To answer your additional comments... Don't react, he is being a child and trying to draw the reaction. He will loose steam once he doesn't get what he wants. Like I said, he is feeling threatened.

Answer 6

Wow! Been there with a professing Believer who claimed I didn't get anything but he called me for prayer soon as he got into a tight! The advice is all over the map here so be careful. The Word and prayer and your conscience will guide you. Is your life in danger? If he chooses to stay with you, and you are safe, then stay with him. Are you in spiritual danger? Draw the boundaries of respect yet submit until it goes against your conscience then you firmly say you cannot disobey God to obey him but you love him anyway.
X # of years of verbal, spiritual, financial, physical abuses hasn't won mine yet but I'm loving from a safe distance now! One friend I know took abuse for 20 years and he was saved so you just never know. I got to where when he was raving I would walk out and drive around the corner to read my Bible. Since when does your conversion allow him to suddenly forget his marriage vows to honour?? He may be under conviction as we call it and things generally get worse before you leave Egypt and you don't leave a hoof behind! With God, all things are possible. God-speed!

Answer 7

Dear farkas 419,

First let me assure you from God's word: Read 1 Peter 3:1-5 that advises wives with non-believing husbands (even if some do not obey the word) to win them over with their conduct more than with their words.

Although he belittles you for going to church i think over time he will hopefully see that church is changing you and a good thing.

Also remember that the Lord gives husband and wives seprate commands - one to love (husband) and the other to submit (wives). i know that it is especially hard for you to submit when he is not respecting you and doing what the Lord would expect of him-- but do know that He is personally accountable, and with much prayer and love- hopefully you'll be able to win him over.

i think you should expect him to act like an unbeliever because He is. But remember that his ideas about Christ can change as He sees Christ's power changing and working in you in your life.

i would also suggest perhaps finding a few sisters in your church who can pray with you, encourage you, and strengthen you.

His actions are not what has to change- it is his heart, and once God gets a hold of that- his actions will fall into place.

Hope that helps. I'm praying for you. Feel free to email me for any counsel or prayer requests.

Kindly,

Nickster

Answer 8

I can imagine some of how you'd feel. I think the best thing you could try would be to get involved with Christian couples and try to make a secular relationship between them and your husband. He will begin to feel a deep relationship with these men if you can find the right ones and will do what he can to fell accepted by his new Friends. Eventual he'll see what a great group of people these Christians can be and won't see them as cultist. And Pray.

I hope you find the right answer and things work out.

God Bless

JETT

Answer 9

Pray.... Sorry to say this...but there is nothing you can do..if you have tried in a loving way to lead him to Christ and he rejects you at every turn...then you have done all you can besides pray that his eyes, ears and heart be opened, but don't be discouraged. God can do anything..Just keep praying. The fact that he is reacting hostile to you, makes me think god is working on him already, and that scares him. My advice just love him anyway the best you can, show him god's love through you. Sure, you can defend yourself and Jesus, but be careful not to get angry with him, which is easy to do, but if you do, he will just use it against you and we are suppose to turn the other cheek and not take vengeance. That was the hardest part for me after I got saved..someone would hurt me and i wanted to hurt them back and show them they couldn't treat me that way, but by doing that i wouldn't have been showing gods love. This may be your test.

Answer 10

But it is a cult.A sewing group who really believe and are committed to it are a cult.Nothing wrong with that,Jesus himself warned that this would happen.
As for your question how to explain to him?you don't.
When someone is not ready to believe nothing you say will make them believe.What you are commanded to do is to live your life as Jesus did and by your example others will come to him when they see the peace and success that you have following Christ.
By the way he sound more like an atheist than an agnostic.

Answer 11

He feels threatened with your new found faith. He finds himself testing you in different ways and justify hurting your feelings since he feels hurt by your actions.

Give him space and let him get used to the new you. Tell him you love him and you'll always be there for him just like a real Christian would. Win him over with love and he might come around. When he doesn't get the negative response when he insults you, he might just get tired of it. Pray for support to help calm your spirits.

In the end you can not make the decision for him, he has to make his choice not you.