Meaningless sexual encounter?

Question

About a year ago, my fiancee passed away. Since then ive been griving and mourning her loss. We never even had our first fight heh. I've tried to go out on dates and get over the loss. But, all i end up having is meaningless sexual encounters. Nothing feels right, sometimes the climax is so hollow its completly lost before anything. I feel almost guilty of making love with someone i dont love or charish in anyway. Understand that im not bringing home countless women into my bed, I've only had intercourse twice since my fiancee passed away. But still, i ended two relationship just because i couldnt share their feelings in or outside of bed. My question is, Is it just too early to try dating, and have physical relationships? Or do you think i should keep trying to move on with my life? Thanks everyone for replying in advance.

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel, it's been 10 years since my fiancee died. We never had that "fight" either. I did the same thing, the dates, the sex, and NO it didn't feel right, didn't feel good because it wasn't with (him).

It's going to be hard to connect with anyone at first, because they will all be compared to her. The men that I dated had to pass the "Rod Test" or they weren't good enough. I know now that that was just my way of sabotage, trying not to feel, not to get too close. I've only had 2 real relationships, the first lasted only 6 months and the last lasted 3 years (ended a few months ago). The difference between the two was that I had to try and figure out who I was again, what I wanted, and realized that I could love someone else again and that it's OK. It took awhile, there's nothing wrong with being by yourself, it's how you figure it out.

So answer your question(s), you can date but every date doesn't have to end in bed. Every day that you wake up, move about the day, you are moving on with your life. Some days will be better than others. There are days now that I still cry of the loss or I smile cause I remember the way he made me laugh. They will always be with us. It just takes time. When you are ready to have that relationship, you'll know, because that guilty feeling won't be there.

Answer 2

Ignore the jerk that said "grow up and get a life". Obviously he hasn't had a loss like you have. You probably need more time to grieve, but then again it'll take some understanding on your date's part that you're trying to heal and continue with your life and that they too will have to be patient. Try not to rush into sex either unless that's what you really want. Is this how your fiancee might have wanted you to continue? She probably still wants you to be happy and healthy, not a short-term happiness either if you get my drift.

Things happen for a reason, and I'm really sorry that this happened to you. I don't know you but I'd want you to live happy too. Maybe there's a plan where you will meet someone, fall in love, and even get in your first fight (and make up hopefully).

They say there's a soul-partner or everyone, but I say there are more than one. If it wasn't true then why are there second marriages? By meeting someone and starting it out with sex, it's good in one way because you demonstrate to your partner how you are in bed and they decide how good or bad you are (and vice versa), and sometimes that can be a starting point for a long term relationship. It's bad in some ways (at least to me) because you may think the girl is too easy, so how do you know she loves you for you and not just because you had sex with her?

When you meet someone that you like so much, enjoy talking to and seeing, keeps you laughing and engaged in fun conversation, stuff like that; you'll want to not want to have sex with her yet, and that's the sign of a long lasting relationship. Sounds funny, but try it.

Answer 3

Right now you need to give yourself time to heal, the reason you are not feeling anyone at the moment is because you're still grieving for your girlfriend, which is understandable. Give yourself some time and don't rush into anything, have you consider therapy, maybe if you had someone to talk to it would help you with what you're feeling and eventually you can move on with your life. Good Luck!

Answer 4

There's no pat answer. If the sex you're having is bad, then stop. Do what you have to do to get on with your life. If that takes a while, let it take a while. Loving, meaningful sex is the best sex, that much is certain, but casual sex can be rewarding as well. Just make sure that all involved are on the same page emotionally. There are no set rules to getting on with your life after losing a loved one. Just take your time and have no expectations.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about your fiancee. That is a tough loss.

First off you are not " making love" with someone. Love has nothing to do with it. You are just having sex.

And you won't find fulfillment in your affairs. Stop sleeping with women in the state you are in. You're using them They are not toys made for your selfish glands. They are human beings. Women are made to be loved. Give love and stop using them for sex.

Get inside their heart instead of their pants. Then you won't feel guilty.

Answer 6

it sounds like you need to keep grieving for a little while longer before you go back to dating. you need to give yourself some time to get over the passing of your fiancee, and that might take a while, but eventually you will meet someone who will make you want to feel happy agian. just give it time :)

Answer 7

Move on with your life. Give yourself some time to recover and do not hurry up. It will take its own course.

Answer 8

your lucky to get action, move on. but never forget her.