Help me!!!!?

Question

My daughter is 14 and wants to have a relationship with a 20 yr old what advice can I give her? I have tried to tell her alot but she knows best....

Answer 1

I personaly would just tell her if they really love each other they will stay as far away from each other as they can because it is your job to see to her safety and you will (and should)call the police and have him arested ( even if nothing has "happened" yet because it may scare him off)- There is something wrong with a man who wants to "have a relationship " with a 14 year old. After that I would get a restaining order put on him,and see it is inforced. I realize that the best case senario would be to talk her out of it ,but at some point,you must stop talking and just "do " what you can to protect your child- at 14 she is ill equipt to deal with a relationship with someone who is 20. I would then see by her behavior if she needed counseling. ( even medicare will asist in this.)...Is she looking for a father figure ? Is it low self esteem? there are a number of reasons to be concerned for her wish to be that close to a 20 year old - and if he is incouraging this he might be a sex offender - pedifile, rapest, murderer - you cant really know for sure -I personaly would rather fight with her for a year or two rather than see her loose what could be the best years of her life and her education. So my question to you is in the worst possible outcome, could YOU stand to have you 14 year old go missing,or worse ? Best possible out come, would be what ? pregnant at 15? You sound like you want what is best for your child - and you obviosly have missgivings over this, so I would do what you know to be best - take it out of her hands she is not old enough to make this kind of life altering dissision. I wish you well and hope she is safe soon. Good luck. (Spell check is down please excuse my spelling - I am dyslexic)

Answer 2

Tell her you will have him arrested if he comes within 100 ft of her or calls her. And tell him the same thing. If they start sneaking around, follow through and have him arrested. If he still doesn't go away, ship her off to a special school or relatives out of state. But whatever you do, do not allow her to have a relationship with someone who is 20 yrs old. She is 14 and way too young. She may act older at times, but she is still just 14. And if you are trying to be her friend, you need to stop and start being her mother.

Answer 3

This is a really difficult situation. Kids of that age are so confused and can be pretty rebellious, so if you told her she couldn't see him anymore, she might go behind your back and do it anyway. If you condone it, it's not so great, either because he's just plain too old for her right now. I guess you really have to judge how your daughter will react. Can you sit down with her and tell her honestly how you feel? Tell her that you're sure he's a great guy but that you just feel he's too old for her right now, that in five years if she wants to go out with a guy that's 6 years older than her, it's not so bad, but right now there's too much of an age difference. If I were you I'd also consider taking her to the doctor to discuss contraceptives because kids are starting to have sex earlier and earlier these days, whether we like it or not. It's better to be prepared than unaware. Also, make sure she understands that just because you're taking her to get them, it doesn't mean you're condoning her having sex right now. I think if it was me, I'd probably also have a little discussion with the 20 year old about what is and is not going to happen if they do have a relationship. No sex, no sleeping over, no being alone in her bedroom, etc. Well, whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck.

Answer 4

I am a reformed manwhore....I never broke the age barrier by dating someone who was younger than 18, but I know that this 20 yr old guy and I had similar mentalities. What could a 20 yr old guy possibly want from a 14 yr old girl????? All he wants is another notch on his belt. Mom, I am telling you this now, unless you want to raise your daughters child while you are raising her, you had better put your foot down and not let her see or talk to this loser. I call him a loser because he is preying on a young innocent child. Please, do not let her ruin her life before she even has a chance to live it. One way that you might be able to get her to open her eyes is to show her all of the responses that you are getting to this question.

Answer 5

I sounds like you already tried the easy way and talked to her about it, now its time for the harsh realities of life and if you really, really do not want her to be in this relationship.
I would tell her that it's a crime and if she sees him he will go to jail. Harsh, but depending on her personality this would hopefully scare her away from the guy or the guy away from her, knowing he can be facing 10-15 in prison and will have to enroll as a sexual offender. It may sound unreasonable, but he is technically an adult and she is a child. He is alot more experienced and could take away her childhood by getting to serious, or he could break her heart in two because he had much more time in the game. Either way its a no win situation.

Answer 6

Introduce her to the reality of child molestors, pornography and the sickness that is out there among those handful of "men" (yes, a 20 year old is a man) and research and share with her what those (freaks) guys find appealing in young girls. Encourage friendships and relationships with boys her age (although I remember finding older guys more interesting when I was this age). But once I went from Junior High/Middle School to High School...o boy. There were riper fish in the sea...and I met a lot more guys closer to my age and mentality. This too shall pass as long as you can remain the parent and not try and compromise and be her friend.

Answer 7

You know as well as any adult that she does not know best.
I'd tell my daughter he can go to jail for that now days and if you didn't turn them in then you'd be breaking the law too and you could go to jail as well and lose custody of her. A 20 year old with a 14 yr. old would be considered a pedophile in case you didn't know. And believe me I would have NO problem throwing his a** in jail. I love my daughter enough to risk her getting mad at me. The only thing he wants is one thing and I'd hope you know that even though she doesn't.

Answer 8

Lady you need to speak with this guy . First of all she is a minor and if he doesn't leave her alone you will contact the police for sexual harassment. Be kind to your daughter and try to explain that she will lose all her youth with someone like him. This is the time to have fun with her girlfriends, its nice to giggly on the phone etc.... If you want my help we can chat on line. This is terrible how can this guy be so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he should not even think to bother her. What does your husband or may-be a cop that is a friend can help out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You need to stop this nonsense immediately. When you are 14 you need to act as a 14 yr old. Tell her that you might want to take this summer to Europe or whatever, please don't make her make this terrible mistake. Isn't this forbidden by the law????????? Can't he be charged for sexual harassment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me know!!!! I am really concerned for this situation. Teenager just love to ruin their lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

no no no no no no ok my daughter is 4 months old lol and i know i cant compare her to u obviously BUT i am only 18 and i remember when i was 14 and i was dating a 18 year old omg i got into the most horrible STUFF i was doing drugs (nothing like hardcore) and smoking and drinking and even though u may think u know ur child u never know what can happen under the influence of another person especially a man a much older man please trust me and take this adivce for sure she doesnt know best U KNOW BEST not a 14 year old ok... please take control 20 issss wayyyy tooo olddd really really <3<3 lyss

Answer 10

no....she doesnt know best....she doesnt hardly know anything. Tell her YOU ARE IN CHARGE. Im not quite sure what you mean about ....relationship with a 20 year old...but if its sexual, the law will throw in him jail even if she doesnt want that to happen. The government will say that a 14 year old doesnt have the ability to make that kind of decision yet so they will in place of her and the government could prosecute and have him serve prison for a looooooooooooooong time.